guests I don't know

I've had this in spades over the years. Just leave him to it. go away for the day/night [or longer] and let him get on with it - it worked for me!

Just tell him he'll have to change it- you had prior plans- meeting at a pub is a much better idea- otherwise he'll be playing mein host while you do all the work- sod that!!

I'd be annoyed, but unless your husband makes a habit of such things would go along with it so as not to embarrass him by having to un-invite. I bet the other wife is just as ruffled!

Do you find entertaining at home difficult .... I'm wondering why you need to meet new people on neutral ground?

There can't be many wives/husbands who over the years haven't hosted unknown colleagues and friends at the behest of their OH - I certainly did! Don't remember any particular horrors

Oh crumbs! If my husband did that I think I'd go into panic mode, but then I'd probably just get on with it anyway. It might be ok - and if it isn't then he owes you one :-)

Over night causes a lot of work. Clean sheets, towels and not only hosting the evening meal getting the breakfast ready and served. Then there is the problem if you do not have an en-suite of sharing a bathroom/toilet with strangers.

As some gransnet members have said you might be making a new friendship and will certainly be supporting your husband. If you decide it is on I think you should discuss every aspect of your hospitality as a 'team'. That is from the buying of the food, to the sharing of the toilet at night i.e. if there is a downstairs one perhaps the ladies share upstairs and the men down stairs!! You may well need to agree on showers too.

Good luck.

My husband invited several people he had worked with in USA to stay when they came over here & to be honest although I was dreading it they were all very nice.
The only ones we said we would never have again were his sister & her husband who emigrated to Canada when he was about 15. He had been over to see them several times when he had been over that side of the pond but I had only met them briefly at our wedding. Worst 2 weeks of my life! Obnoxious people but I couldn't even be rude to them as they were his family. To be fair he felt the same way & we were so relieved when they left.
You may find this couple are really nice & it is only one night.

I've just remembered a horror story

My now ex-husband was in hospital for ENT surgery and got chatting to the mother of a teenage boy who had come to London from Newcastle for specialised surgery. Without consulting me he told the mum that instead of paying for a hotel for two nights that she could come and stay with me as we lived nearby!

I was pregnant with DS1 and suffering terrible sickness but I nicely took this mother home after visiting times, fed & watered her for two days, helped her with a few things, took her and son to train station when he was discharged and going home.

I never heard a dickie-bird from her again. A thank you postcard or phone call would have sufficed!

Maybe I'll remember more horror stories

We may see a thread soon from someone who has been invited to stay at someone's house - something her DH has planned without asking her - and she is really nervous about it! Should she suggest meeting at a pub instead?

You could phone her and ask if they have any food allergies etc - you will let your husband know as he will be doing the cooking. Then tell him you are quite happy as long as he cooks.
at least you will have broken the ice first.
It could be the start of a new friendship.

It was inconsiderate of him not to have mentioned it to you first but it is his house too and I can understand him being annoyed.
Being told that he has to uninvite them is a bit infantalising and looking at it from his point of view it must feel like he is being punished for a fairly small mistake.
I don't really understand why you are reacting so harshly. I would prefer to meet at a pub too but you can't both get what you want and it hardly seems worth the conflict and upset. If I were you I would say that I wish he had asked me first and apologise for over reacting and try to make their visit enjoyable for everyone.

Thinking about this again I've realised that over the years DH and I have both turned up at home with all sorts people - sometimes complete strangers to both of us I must be getting very set in my ways in my old age. I particularly remember turning up at home with a czech student I'd met on a coach "Hello dear! She's just coming in for coffee!" and there was the very slight acquaintance I bumped into and greeted with "Hallo, I haven't seen you since you slept on my floor!" His wife didn't look best pleased but I expect he was able to explain.

It is his house too, and it is also his kitchen and his bedroom, beds and bedclothes.
Let him do all the work while you get to know your new friends.

I do think it's inconsiderate not to have mentioned it to you before making the offer. However, I don't think inviting people for a meal is a big deal but it is a little surprising that he also invited them to stay overnight.

Would he be happy if you did the same thing yourself - i.e. making such an invitation to people he doesn't know?

Either way, is it worth having a row about or causing him embarrassment by having to rescind the invitation?

annsixty I think it was very rude of the wife to make you feel so uncomfortable and to be so unhospitable. However, annoyed she felt, it was wrong of her to take it out on you.

Goodness marriage to you must be hard. You treat your husband like a naughty child and are quite happy to embarrass him in front of his friends. Don't you ever invite your friends he has never met to your home or do you have to meet at the pub first.

I also have had lots of my husbands friends to stay who I have never met and it is good to welcome his friends into OUR home.

He probably asked them for a meal and they were reluctant because of the distance or commented one of them wouldn't be able to drink and he has said "oh! you can stay the night my wife will be fine" I know my husband would never do that. I hope you do invite them and it all goes well. Your husband must think a lot of you to feel confident in you to have invited his friends and think you would be happy about it.

I had to host two Chinese visiting Professors from my DH's university for a meal. They were staying in a hotel and at weekends had been going on coach trips to see something of the country. Their English was reasonable but not fluent. DH felt sorry for them so invited them to come to us one Sunday.

They were fascinated to see a typical family home and we took them to see some of the local sites. One of the things they were most interested in was my flower garden and they took home some seed heads to try and grow in China.

I did not know what to give them to eat so ended up making a roast pork lunch - which they tried and failed to eat with our cutlery so I found some chopsticks for them which made it a lot easier.

The point is I had never met them before, they were from a totally different culture, did not speak very good English BUT they were hugely appreciative, very charming and we all got a great deal from visit. We still talk about them and wonder where their lives have led them.

I'm wondering whether all those who advocate taking a hardline with mrChelseababy would be similarly inhospitable towards their DCs' friends.
My DD1 had a habit of collecting people and at various times we had a group of young Swedes staying, some Americans, and most notably a Japanese family who spoke not one word of English. As gaga says, you get a great deal from these experiences.
I was amused and flattered rather than annoyed when one of DD's vaguer, more disorganised friends rang us from the airport one day and said 'Er it's Graham here, could someone come and pick me up?' and proceeded to stay for dinner and sleep on the sitting room floor.

This is why I have bed settees. It's not so bad now but I do prefer people staying for a week rather than a day as it justifies the washing of towels and bed linen. I loathe the bed changing process even when it's just us. I had a foot operation and it took 168 steps to change a kingsize bed.

Over the years we've had lots of folk for meals, and sometimes to stay for a night or two, who were complete strangers to us. I can't say it's ever really bothered me that much. I go very much on a "take us as you find us" philosophy and that seems to work for me. I've had friends to stay who have been much harder work to cope with!!

We have had a lot of DC's friends over to stay or for meals
(apparently I am 'Mum' to a lot more than just my own DC!)

I'm afraid DH has had to put up with so many of my friends and family coming to stay with us in the UK over the years - if he did ask for any of his friend and family- I would just have to welcome them with open arms, a nice bed, flowers in the rooms and my best cooking and wine (and I have many a time- and due to distance they often come for 1 week or more).

Oh yes Jalima- both in the UK and now here- DCs's friends have made our home their own- and same here since we moved. Wonderful.

You are all proudly recounting things you did years ago when you were much younger. Maybe it's a time-of-life thing and chelseababy doesn't feel up to it these days. Fair enough IMO.

Yes, fair enough, although I did have some visitors (friends of DD) come to stay recently, one I had never met before.
And a kitchen full of youngsters - well, young in comprison to me

which reminds me, DH has arranged a meeting here tomorrow, I asked him to buy some 'really nice biscuits' from M&S in the morning. He said 'OK, I'll get a packet of digestives, they're nice'.

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. Its interesting (though not always pleassnt) to see yourself as others see you. I've been stressed at work recently (see occupational health referral thread) and this hadn't helped. Also I'm rubbish at small talk. However, I agree that I over reacted and it would be wrong of me to embarrass MrC so I'm going to make the best of it and hope to have an enjoyable evening and meal. OH will cook the main course and breakfast will be continental style. I'll let you know how it goes.