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AIBU

guests I don't know

(85 Posts)
chelseababy Mon 13-Jun-16 13:37:26

Yesterday afternoon my other half announced that he would like to invite and old friend and wife who've recently returned to the area, over for a meal. I said as i'd not met either of them before I'd rather meet on neutral territory (a pub perhaps). Later I discover he has asked them anyway (including to stay the night) so I've said he'll have to un invite them! Now he's sulking.

Witzend Fri 17-Jun-16 09:05:56

I think I'd probably grit my teeth and tell oh, Ok, but unless you're going to do not just the cooking and shopping for it, but also, the thinking what to have!* - then book a restaurant - and please don't ever do this again without asking. But after that I would try to be as nice as poss to the couple.

It will depend I know on personality, but having people to stay when you don't know them can be a strain. Among many others I have had relatives of OH's from abroad - people even he barely knew! - ditto some of my own, and I'm in no hurry to do it again.

From the other side, I will not go and stay with people I don't know, and when oh has suggested it in the past (eg ex colleague and wife) I have said no. Much as it was extremely kind of them to offer (as I would tell them) if it's people I don't know, or hardly know, then I'm more comfortable at the Premier Inn, thanks. Not that I would add that bit!

As I said, a lot depends on your personality, I have a dd who wouldn't think twice either way, and another who's more like me.
*Don't know about anyone else, but I always find that almost the hardest. OH is hopeless at ideas - he'd happily eat shepherd's pie every night and have me give it to every guest!

Devorgilla Fri 17-Jun-16 13:00:13

I think I would just grin and bear it. It's only one meal and one night but I would make it clear that next time he needed to be sure of my consent. They may be lovely people who are perfect guests. On the other hand it could turn out like a meeting my in-laws had with an old wartime friend with whom they had got on splendidly all those years ago. They arranged to spend the day with him and his lady and it was a complete disaster. They were never so glad to get back to our house and reach for the whiskey bottle.

trisher Fri 17-Jun-16 14:43:59

cb I think your initial response was more to do with the recent problems you have had and your DH was the proverbial straw. Sometimes when things get on top of me the last person to ask me for something gets a firm "NO" when I would normally have taken it in my stride. Hope things are sorted and you enjoy your visitors. (If they are dreadful your DH is going to owe you bigtime!)

Maggiemaybe Fri 17-Jun-16 23:28:06

Well done, chelseababy, on a) making the best of it and b) resisting the urge to tell a couple of the posters on here to sod off reflect a little on their judgemental/superior attitudes.

I agreed completely with Leticia, back on page 1: remember a prior engagement, let him do the work, arrive back in time to change and be charming.

You're a better woman than I am, considering your DH did this knowing about your health problems and that you don't like small talk. I hope it goes well for you.

Luckylegs9 Mon 20-Jun-16 07:50:21

You did well diffusing the situation, perhaps he will think next time! Sure it will go well.

TillyWhiz Mon 20-Jun-16 13:08:51

My feeling is that DH was thinking of his guests being able to drink and not drive. The invite was on the spur of the moment and he knows he got it wrong. It's not a question of him asking for permission, it is a shared home which is very personal to both, and discussion should always paramount with a couple. I would go ahead but I would phone the guests to see if there is any dietary requirement and then break the ice with these strangers.

SwimHome Mon 20-Jun-16 13:37:08

It's not always as clear and straightforward as it might seem. We live in a bungalow with upstairs guest rooms and our own main bedroom is downstairs. I've fallen for an uncomfortable situation twice, once at DHs behest and once friends of mine. When the dates were already arranged the guests announced that they couldn't handle stairs so we had to vacate our room with all our personal stuff in it and let them sleep in our bed, which I truly hated. The worst thing was that with one pair we found them upstairs nosing around, I was furious! I'm never going to fall for that again!

Nuttynanna Mon 20-Jun-16 13:40:29

Bite the bullet, be sociable as its only one night but make it clear that he owes you BIGTIME 😀

embo32 Sat 30-Jul-16 10:32:54

I don't think they'd be offended by "can we change it to (insert restaurant here) instead, about 7:30?"
No need to give a reason.
If they want to meet up, they wouldn't mind!