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guests I don't know

(84 Posts)
chelseababy Mon 13-Jun-16 13:37:26

Yesterday afternoon my other half announced that he would like to invite and old friend and wife who've recently returned to the area, over for a meal. I said as i'd not met either of them before I'd rather meet on neutral territory (a pub perhaps). Later I discover he has asked them anyway (including to stay the night) so I've said he'll have to un invite them! Now he's sulking.

Smileless2012 Mon 13-Jun-16 13:47:47

Did your other half extend the invitation after you'd discussed it or had he already invited them before telling you in the first place chelseababy?

I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to want to meet on neutral ground as you've never met them before and un reasonable of him to invite them to stay over. I find that Mr. S. usually sulks when he knows he's in the wrong but doesn't want to say so; perhaps that's why your other half's sulking.

Is he going to contact them and say you'll still be meeting up but there's been a change of plans? It may well be that they are just as uncomfortable at the prospect of staying with someone they've never met before as you were.

Hope you get it sorted.

Teetime Mon 13-Jun-16 13:53:03

If its just a meal I would be Ok with that but I would like to be asked first. I don't think he should mind if you say you would rather meet up in a pub if you are more comfortable with that- I don't think they would mind either.

Charleygirl Mon 13-Jun-16 14:19:55

Inviting them to stay overnight without consulting you is a bit much. I am assuming that he will be doing all of the food buying, prep and cooking, not to mention sorting out bedding etc for them also! I thought so- he needs to get the plans changed. A meal maybe but not to stay overnight.

Luckygirl Mon 13-Jun-16 14:32:06

I wouldn't have a problem about them coming for a meal - they are old friends of your OH - it is always nice meeting new people. I am surprised he invited them overnight without your blessing though.

sunseeker Mon 13-Jun-16 14:48:08

My DH was a very sociable man but could be a little remiss in letting me know about invitations he had issued. One Christmas morning he suddenly announced he had invited 2 friends to Christmas lunch as they were both on their own! Fortunately all it meant was cooking a few extra potatoes and veggies! The lunch went very well and we all had a great time, however I did already know them. I would have been happy to have people I didn't know come for lunch - not sure how I would feel about them staying the night.

Thingmajig Mon 13-Jun-16 17:56:55

But why do they need to stay overnight if they now live in your area???
Husbands can be the absolute pits sometimes!

I wouldn't be happy about having them over either, a pub meal sounds like far the better option for meeting people you don't know yet. Easier to leave if things don't work out so well, rather than having them hang around awkwardly after a home cooked meal at yours.

If they must come to your house, can the overnight stay element be cancelled ... some disaster with your guest room perhaps?!? wink

rosesarered Mon 13-Jun-16 18:00:05

Agree with thingamajig

chelseababy Mon 13-Jun-16 18:02:53

They live about 20 miles away. I think he probably set it up before "asking" me, assuming I would just agree. Meeting half way for a meal would suit me.

Anya Mon 13-Jun-16 18:27:20

It will be very awkward to 'uninvite' them. I'd be really cross if DH did this but I'd bite the bullet and try to make their meal and stay as pleasant as possible.

suzied Mon 13-Jun-16 18:32:33

Just suggest to your OH that he contacts them to ask whether they could meet at a pub or restaurant instead of coming to you , he could make some excuse about you being in the middle of decorating or something. Im sure if they are old friends and nice people they won't mind.

Deedaa Mon 13-Jun-16 21:19:54

Asking them to stay seems a bit much (although it's something DH might well do) We once had a friend come to stay for a few days, which would have been fine but he brought a girlfriend we had never met who turned out to be the most appallingly demanding creature. Haven't made that mistake again!

janeainsworth Mon 13-Jun-16 21:42:55

If that happened to me I'd be flattered that my DH thought I was such a good cook and hostess that I could take all that in my stride.
One thing I've always appreciated is that MrA is unfailingly pleasant to all my friends and relations and never minds me inviting anyone to our house, whether it's for a cup of tea or to stay a few days.
So I would always do my best to make his family and friends welcome too.
Yes OP you are being a bit unreasonable.

Anya Mon 13-Jun-16 22:42:56

Jane we seem t have a similar approach to the inevitable! wine

janeainsworth Mon 13-Jun-16 22:46:12

winewine anya grin

grannyactivist Mon 13-Jun-16 23:04:50

I guess this is really about communication isn't it? My husband and I know that it's perfectly alright at any time to invite home friends or strangers, but in your situation your husband should have known you well enough to know you would want to meet in a neutral place or at least discuss the invitation with you first. In that case could you not accept that the arrangement has been made and make the best of it, but explain to your husband why it was an inappropriate thing to do without first discussing it with you? It seems a shame to possibly start off a new (to you) relationship on the wrong foot.

Synonymous Tue 14-Jun-16 00:19:07

Yes Chelseababy you are! We often have folk staying that either one of us have invited and/or perhaps don't know. Never has been a problem and we have often had a really happy and interesting time.

Lona Tue 14-Jun-16 09:01:03

Chelseababy I don't think you're being unreasonable. Everyone is different, and your husband should know you well enough to have discussed it with you first.
It's your home too.smile

FarNorth Tue 14-Jun-16 09:21:56

I guess this is something the two guys have set up, probably so that no-one has to drive after a convivial evening. Maybe Mrs Friend might not be too keen on staying the night either.
What to do now, though?

Has a date been set for the overnight visit? If so, maybe it could be put off for a bit and Mr Chelseababy could arrange for you all to meet for a pub lunch, or suchlike, beforehand?
He could explain that you'd like to be able to relax when you meet them for the first time, without having to prepare food and be hostess.

Leticia Tue 14-Jun-16 09:58:59

Have you asked him what he is cooking for the meal?
I think that I would have a prior engagement and let him shop, cook and make up the beds - arrive back in time to change before they arrive.

annsixty Tue 14-Jun-16 10:12:58

I have been on the other side of this situation. When H was working we were invited to an official "thing" and H came home and said J has asked us to stay at their house afterwards as it was quite a distance for us. I hadn't met J or his wife before. We didn't spend much time with them during the evening as it was a dinner and we were not sitting together. We went back with them and it was apparent that she was not happy.
Next morning I don't think we were even offered a tea or coffee, a slice of toast certainly wasn't on the agenda. It was very uncomfortable for us both.

Synonymous Tue 14-Jun-16 10:18:04

I guess it will always be what you yourself make of it in the end.

Synonymous Tue 14-Jun-16 10:19:07

And you could end up making a real and new friend.

radicalnan Tue 14-Jun-16 10:28:16

Oh let his mates come, he wants to show yu and his home off, he does live there it is his home.

Maybe they will have a drink and not be able to drive home?

A couple of mates for a night is hardly an imposition, let him do the cooking. You might have a wonderful weekend.

AGrandmaAgain Tue 14-Jun-16 10:37:23

Book yourself in to a spa hotel for the relevant days. At best he has been rude, at worst, taken you for granted.