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To wish I could send DH to a Charm School For Outspoken Old Duffers!

(50 Posts)
merlotgran Tue 19-Jul-16 15:33:25

Just got back from a pub lunch. The landlady, whom we've known for years, waved Hello as we stood at the bar. She's a very large lady but I wish DH hadn't muttered, 'She doesn't get any slimmer, does she?' in a stage whisper that could have been heard in the next village!

He then wondered why she didn't 'pop over to see us like she usually does' hmm

A rather ancient waitress then took our order and I tried not to make eye contact with DH because all I could think of was Julie Walters in the 'Two Soups' sketch and one gaffe was quite enough for one day (or so I hoped)

However, worse was to come because when she brought the bill he asked, 'How long have you been working here then.....70 years?????? shock blush

These days he makes Prince Phillip look like a beginner.

I left her a large tip!

oldgoose Wed 20-Jul-16 19:03:35

This sounds more than familiar. My OH has aspbergers and so I am quite used to him coming out with things that make me cringe - but he dosn't even realise. The young couple next door have a small baby and they carry her around all the time, but they are obviously proud new parents and love to cuddle their child. They were in the garden the other day, one of them holding the baby and we were getting into our car,I say hello and admire the child and OH yells "Best thing you two can do is get pregnant again and then you won't have time to carry her around like that all the time". I was mortified and mouthed "sorry " to them, I'm sure that they visibly winced. Luckily they do understand but I do get very embarassed and upset by his bold remarks.

grannybuy Wed 20-Jul-16 21:23:51

My DH is starting to lose some inhibition and is now saying things that he wouldn't have said before, including swearing. It worries me somewhat. Anyone else experience this?

Legs55 Wed 20-Jul-16 23:39:04

the comments have made me laugh - they reminded me of my late DH who would make inappropriate comments often in what he thought was a whisper (no he wasn't deaf) - he just didn't seem to have a filter!! I do miss him though but not the embarassment grin

Izabella Thu 21-Jul-16 08:30:58

Still giggling Phoenix. Thanks for making my day so far!!!

Nannylovesshopping Thu 21-Jul-16 08:47:58

phoenix that is so so funny, if I had socks on, I would have laughed them offgrin

Anya Thu 21-Jul-16 08:59:03

Have a large badge made which reads 'he's not with me' hmm

merlotgran Thu 21-Jul-16 09:14:04

I'm good at anticipating when to walk off and pretend he's not with me.

A couple of weeks ago DH pressure washed the car. It was gleaming. Later that day we were approached in Waitrose car park by a young man in a high viz, wheeling a cart, sponge in hand.

'Would you like your car cleaned?' shockshock

I beat a hasty retreat.

Anya Thu 21-Jul-16 09:34:09

Someone did that to me in Sainsbury's car park just after I'd spent hours washing and valeting my car.

I'm guessing you DH and I reacted in very much the same way!!

Shelagh2401 Thu 21-Jul-16 09:48:14

Amazing merlotgran I believe we are married to the same person! 😃

WilmaKnickersfit Thu 21-Jul-16 10:44:13

So many funny moments on this thread, but I really did LOL at Fairydoll's red thong and phoenix' trailing labia! Just typing this has started me off again! grin

Seriously though, grannybuy I don't know the answer to your question, but perhaps someone else will be able to advise. smile

annsixty Thu 21-Jul-16 11:33:25

Just to refer to the new baby syndrome. My neighbours had a baby when both were in their 30s. It was of course the best, brightest , most beautiful baby ever born. They didn't take her out for weeks as it took them so long to get her ready and a hint of a cloud and they wouldn't take the pram out in case it rained. They danced to her every tune. We were all sitting in our respective gardens one fine day and they had visitors ( who already had children) Every whinge had one or both of them jumping up until she did it too often for the male friend. He suddenly said in a very loud voice " oh shut up you little ragbag" there was silence, we wanted to cheer.
The baby is now 28 and her little brother certainly didn't get the same attention.

Rapunzel100 Thu 21-Jul-16 14:33:40

So pleased to know others suffer extreme embarrassment when in the company of elderly relatives. My 90+ father and I were walking along a hospital corridor when a large lady of foreign extraction appeared in front of us, causing said father to exclaim, with apparent delight, "She could play Bloody Mary!"

maddyone Thu 21-Jul-16 17:52:03

I was on holiday in northern Cyprus a few years ago with my husband, sister, brother in law, and elderly parents - both in their middle eighties. We stopped in a cafe for lunch, all choosing what we would like to eat from a display behind a glass cabinet. Mum chose a cheese pastie, which in fact, turned out to be apple. She complained loudly and so we summoned the waiter, and politely asked him to rectify the situation. He then enquired of mum which assistant had told her it was cheese. She replied loudly and quite rudely, "I don't know, they all look the same to me!" . Cringe worthy does not describe how we four younger - though hardly young - ones felt, but still, it gave us all a good laugh after we left the cafe. Poor mum had no idea that she had been extremely offensive, she just speaks her mind. By the way, we were laughing about mum's outspoken remark and not about the poor waiters who hopefully didn't key in to what had just occurred.

Jane10 Thu 21-Jul-16 19:27:29

My late MiL, a nice kind woman, once mortified our DS by remarking loudly on the bus, "Its a great shop that. I wonder where those Pakis get their stock." DS was 13 at the time but still tried hard to convey to his Gran that she couldn't go around saying such things. She genuinely couldn't get his point as she was just trying to be complimentary.

granjura Thu 21-Jul-16 19:32:16

We often go on hols with our sil and bil - and he is always mimicks accents and adds what he thinks are 'funny gestures' - he is actually hilarious, but a few times his commenst and mimickiry nearly got us into big trouble (on an solated beach in South Africa where a big Boer Bray (BBQ) was going on- and our English accents were clearly noticed- and he began to imitate the Afrikaans accent! Or in Malta when he started to imitate Germans, and put his fingers under nose for moustache and started the silly walk- etc.

WilmaKnickersfit Fri 22-Jul-16 01:39:37

About 25 years ago we were in a wine bar with my little youngest brother and his girlfriend. A woman walked past our table and my brother said to his girlfriend "That's the kind of woman I'm going to marry." He was 50 last year and is still single. I wonder why? grin

NotTooOld Fri 22-Jul-16 21:56:23

Since retirement my DH knows the price of everything in every supermarket. While I get on with the shopping he trawls the shelves making over-loud comments about where you can buy items cheaper. He's even been known to inform a shopper reaching towards something 'don't get it here - it's 20p cheaper in Aldi/Asda/Morrison/Lidl'. Talk about embarrassing.

merlotgran Fri 22-Jul-16 22:10:59

DH just doesn't 'get' Planet Granny.

We were at the checkout in Aldi yesterday and he was loading stuff on to the conveyer. He picked up a large bag of chocolate buttons and asked in his usual sotto voce (not)

'Are these ours?'
'They're for decorating DGS's birthday cake'
'How old is he FGS?'
'Sixteen today'


NotTooOld Fri 22-Jul-16 22:29:04

Continuing the supermarket theme, DH thinks he has an automatic right to be first in the queue at any checkout. I don't mean he jumps the queue (I wouldn't let him) but all the time we are waiting he sighs loudly, humphs and grumps, and makes loud comments about the inefficiency of the management. If you are wondering why he comes supermarket shopping with me at all, you may well wonder as so do I...........

WilmaKnickersfit Fri 22-Jul-16 23:03:15

NotTooOld my Dad got like that too and used to quiz me whe I visited on how much I paid for various items. I never knew the answer because I just did my big shop at one of the supermarkets, picking what we needed. He used to drive me mad! Also, every now and then I would get money off vouchers or something in the post that I wasn't expecting and knew he was saving money on something restricted to one per household - usually coffee! grin

NotTooOld Sat 23-Jul-16 21:04:06

Wilma - I'm the same, I never know the price of anything in the supermarket, if I need it I get it. DH loves driving from one supermarket to another to get the 'best' prices but I don't see the point of this as in my book we are just spending the money saved on food on buying extra petrol for the car. Ridiculous. Mind you, it also gives him opportunities to complain about the way supermarket car parks are organised! hmm

Maggieanne Sat 23-Jul-16 21:56:23

This has really made me laugh. It's true that as we get older we lose our inhibitions. My husbands uncle, who wouldn't say boo to a goose, went into a home and and he could be found standing in the window, putting two fingers up to anyone that walked past and telling them to f... off. He never swore in his life! Bless. My fil, waiting for a blood test in hospital, looked at the young, very pregnant woman sitting a few seats away,eating a sandwich, and said "no wonder she's so fat". Do you think we'll alL be like that soon?

Swanny Sun 24-Jul-16 09:50:26

grannybuy If you're noticing a personality change rather than an occasional lapse, have a word with your gp.

merlotgran thanks for starting this post. All the comments remind me of a friend who took an elderly neighbour for a pub meal on her birthday. The lady in question had always enjoyed a laugh and joke but my friend was mortified when she shouted across to a chap at the bar 'Oi! You can put your slippers under my bed anytime you like! blush

icanhandthemback Wed 27-Jul-16 22:32:04

My DM will sit in my garden moaning about my neighbours at the top of her voice and no matter how often I gesture that they are in the garden so could she just shh, she keeps going. Her filter was poor when she was younger but it is completely broken now she is in her 70's.