Alcohol !

* Anya* The 'silly one liner' you refer too is quite profound in our current world where every day there is some story of how eating or drinking one particular item, will cause cancer, heart disease and every other ill known to human kind.

The vast number of people who consume alcohol, sugar, fat or painkillers or anything else you care to mention go through life consuming enjoying these items in moderation without ever having any desire to consume them in excess or putting themselves in any danger of accidents or becoming violent.

If we are to condemn all those who consume alcohol because some go to excess and damage themselves and others, then what about all those people who risk their own lives and health and those of their nearest and dearest by playing sports, driving cars, or eating too much?

But isn't fruit also bad for us now? Wrong kind of sugar? Is anything not bad for us? Nobody is going to stop me making my own smoothies for breakfast.

Love what KatyK s husband says, and KatyK herself says. I enjoy a glass of wine in the evening, with a meal, or just on its own, I am 75 soon and perfectly healthy, mind you I am due for my MOT soon, may get back to you on that result,cheers everyone.

Well, when my GP asked if I drank alcohol I replied that I drink a small glass of wine each evening, which I do, and really enjoy. She replied that it was fine, and was good for me, so I'm happy with that!

But, Chrissie, aren't we told that doctors never believe what we tell them about our mild drinking habits? They double what you tell them, so you need to tell them half the truth.

That is very sad Anya.

You and me both Mamark1. Reminds me of Dorothy Parker's little ditty...

I like to drink if I'm able,
1 or 2 at most;
3 I'm under the table,
4 I'm under the host!

Can't drink much anyway, and am also terrified of ending like my father a drunk and a bully,. On the other hand, he died at 94, presumably pickled in his favorite tipple - rum...

Diddy1 A little of what you fancy does you good.

When I left the merchant navy in '72 I could drink half a bottle of rum a day.

We met (my OH and I) thru drink I remember we were on a beach,"gawd noes" which one, trying on each others clothes and we are still together.

We don't drink now quite happy with pop, but still surprised at all the misery that it's caused.

I am an alcoholic, or a recovering alcoholic. I still drink, only three malt whiskies, on Friday,Saturday and Sunday. When y wife was dying, my eldest daughter, was afraid I'd hit the bottle,when she was gone. Y wifehadfaith in me,and told her I wouldn't. I promisedherthen, that I would never,ever overindulge again. That is three years now, and I've kept my promise.

I know the full harmful effects of alcoholism, in the family. I put my wonderful, beautiful wife, through hell for twenty years. My eldest daughter, and to a certain extent, my younger daughter, must have thought, I was some kind of monster. When they got home from school, they never knew, what condition I would be in. Bringing they're friends home, was out of the question, for the same reason. To this day,I don't know, why my wife never left me. She must truly, have loved me. It was only pure luck, that the site manager, on the site I was working at, found out I had a problem. He was AA, and took me to a meeting. I never looked back after that. My wife and daughters, had a much better life, from then on. I am lucky, my eldest daughter, is very caring for me. She lives abroad, and I'm on my own, since my wife passed away. She phones every second day, to see how I am, and visits as often as she can. My younger daughter, has problems, and I know, it is caused by my drunken behaviour. My advice to anyone is, never have a first drink. If you don't have that first drink,you'll never get drunk, or become an alcoholic.

As I say, I have a small drink, at weekends, but that is mostly due to loneliness, as all my family, are overseas, and I am on my own 24/7. But, I will keep my promise, to my dear wonderful wife.

There are, a few printing errors on this, I can assure all, I'm perfectly sober. This iPad, has a mind of its own, and sometimes, works independently of me.

And that is the true face of alcohol when it gets a grip. Thanks for spelling it out Balini

No one is saying that for many a glass or two does any harm. But for those of us who have seen what it can do, especially to families, there is another side to it.

That's why we cringe when we hear certain clichés trotted out. Thanks Jess for reading my post carefully and understanding.

Need some help/advice re alcohol - my DH doesn't drink, maybe the occasional glass of wine on the other hand I like wine with evening meal to help me relax/unwind, a bottle may last me a week or if a particularly stressful time I can finish bottle in evening. I don't get drunk and it never effects my DH at all, I don't have hangovers, however DH detests me or our daughter drinking. We've been married 48yrs and very happy but when alcohol is mentioned his bristles go up and the angry face is in place. His parents were not alcoholics and my Dad whose 96 does like a fair amount but not to the point where he is troublesome. My friends say the way my DH acts about buying and my drinking alcohol is mental abuse - yes this has got a bit heavy but I do need advice please as it's becoming very troublesome with my daughter having nearly bottle of wine daily and DH being a grumpy old man! Seriously tho any help/advice would be very very much appreciated. Sorry if this is long post but it's the first time I've said anything on here xx

Fourboys if your daughter is drinking 'nearly' a bottle a day, she has a problem and I can well understand it upsetting your DH. I too would be upset if my daughter (or son) was drinking that much.

Nevertheless there must be some reason why he reacts so strongly. Can you ask him why he gets so worried about you and your daughter's drinking? Perhaps, even though you consider that although your father drinks a lot he is not troublesome, it is not how other people see it and your DH is really worried that your drinking will get as heavy as your father's and that your daughter could descend into alcoholism.

I know you will have come on this thread seeking re-assurance and to validate how you perceive the drinking in your family and there may be others that will be able to respond and give you that re-assurance but my response is that while your DH may be going about dealing with his concerns about the alcohol problem in your family the wrong way, the problem is there and he has reason to be concerned.

Thank you MOnica for your thoughts, firstly I must say it's not unusual for women in their 40's to get through bottle of wine a day after a very stressful day at work - I was shocked too. I'm unable to drive now so can't get out to do shopping so have to put wine on shopping list, when I do this maybe once a week as to keep some in cabinet if anyone visits etc., DH gets annoyed but if we go out he will always order bottle of wine between us. I'm so confused and upset as it makes me feel I'm not allowed to make decisions. I don't need alcohol it just helps to relax with a meal occasionally, my life is very stressful due to caring for v elderly parents.

Your daughter is drinking too much. The average bottle of wine is about 10 units, so she is drinking 70 units a week where the guidelines state 14-21 and I think that may have been revised downwards.

One phrase though stands out and makes me worry - 'I don't need alcohol'
But you are using it as a crutch when you feel stressed. Be very careful.

Personally I think your husband is worried as he thinks you are both drinking too much, and he could be correct.

Fourboys, forgive me but ss the the mother of an alcholic daughter I think you dismissing your daughters bottle a day as nothing to be concerned s out, I think it is. Your father drinks a lot, he may not be troublesome but this does alter the fact he drinks a lot . My daughter started with a glass of wine to relax , one glass, then she needed two then three and so on . It is now thought alcoholism can be heredity, this could be troubling your husband You are not troubled by you fathers drinking or your daughters drinking, it seems you are excusing you need for alcohol , do take care please and I think you should discuss this with your husband , you may find he is deeply troubled by your daughters drinking , take care please

Fourboys When DH orders a bottle of wine for two of you to drink when out, he is ordering it in a controlled environment where the wine is drunk by those who order it during a meal. End of.

For your DH living in a family where his DD and FiL are problem drinkers and you also are drinking, although not as much at the moment, is a frightening environment for him, where he feels out of control. He is probably very worried that with the generation directly above and below you having drink problems your lighter drinking habits could easily start drifting towards danger. As Anniebach has sadly illustrated, alcohol consumption can too easily drift from safe to danger volumes, especially with other heavy drinkers around you.

Who are your weekly visitors that always have a drink when they visit? Your father? Your daughter? I can well see why your DH gets worried about having alcohol about the house.

I think you need to ask yourself what it is in a glass of wine that you and your daughter find so relaxing. I suspect it is not the wine, it is the excuse the glass of wine gives you to sit down and relax. You feel you are not 'allowed' to sit and relax unless you have the excuse of something to anchor you to that sit down. What you need to find is something else to act as that anchor, something else that is a treat. A really nice bar of chocolate? a cafetiere of really beautiful coffee? Each savoured sitting down and consuming slowly.

Alcohol is a depressant, it clouds thought, and slows re-actions. That is why drink driving is a crime (do your DD or DF end up drink driving?). Generally it makes stress worse not better.

Think it through and make changes, for everyone's sake.

Same here, KatyK my dad never drank, smoked and was a gym member, died in March. My mother smoked from 13 years old, is an alcoholic (and has been since I was a kid) and has taken little exercise over the years, still batting.

I don't drink that much now, especially when I'm driving as I tend to spill it turning corners!

That is so not funny, rubylady when people on this forum may have had loved ones killed by drunk drivers. Making jokes about drinking - which is very common these days - is a way of making excessive drinking acceptable. If we're laughing about it, it can't be so bad. But it can be. Very.

It is not uncommon to trivialise that which you fear, JessM, I wonder if rubylady has her own reasons for joking about something so serious.

Very strange post from someone with an alcoholic in the family, I'd agree.

jokes about alcoholic mothers are sick, jokes about drink driving and alcoholism sre sick, lives are ruined , families units are broken

My OH and I have always enjoyed a glass of carefully chosen wine with a good meal and a chilled beer or cider on a hot day. Our adult children have never given us any cause for concern, they tend to drink less than we do. That's what we thought until a few months ago when we had a call to say that one of my sons was suffering severe alcohol withdrawal symptoms and was in hospital. Our smug/comfortable lives have since been turned upside down. We have seen at first hand what alcohol abuse can do to a young man's brain. For 15 years he has needed increasingly larger amounts of alcohol to get his fix. Nothing less than a litre bottle of spirits at a time is enough. He has hidden his addiction so well. On his infrequent visits to us, we suspected nothing. We were upset because we thought we were becoming estranged but the truth has been so much harder to take. He has asked us for help, has given up his job and moved home. Every day is a roller coaster. We are exhausted and frightened for his future. We love him very much. He has help but, although his brother and sister have been supportive, they have their own families and we feel very isolated. We now have no alcohol at all in our home. Our son is "in recovery". None of us will never be the same again.