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Shocking event

(54 Posts)
Sugarpufffairy Thu 11-Aug-16 21:23:12

I am writing this in a state of shock.
I have a family member who is quite frequently shouting and swearing at certain people including me and a "minor". It is for stupid reasons too. It is constant ridicule to the point where I feel that I do nothing right. The "minor" seems down but says little.
Today I was grabbed by the arm and forced around a bit. I have checked about 1 hours ago and I have 6 bruises.
Apart from the obvious thing of trying to keep well away from this person I just do not know what to do. I would be exposed to much worse if I say anything to anyone personal or official. I would have no faith in any agency being able to protect me from repercussions.
Any advice would be good. I have spoken to a Womens Group.

Elegran Thu 11-Aug-16 21:32:07

This is physical as well as verbal abuse. Are you quite sure that you don't want to tell someone official? Not even if you say you don't want to press charges but you do want it recorded so that if it happens again you can refer back to this time? These things escalate, and it may be on you or it may be on the minor.

What advice did the women's group give?

Crafting Thu 11-Aug-16 21:35:35

You and the minor both need protecting. Is there no one in the family you can talk to?

Elegran Thu 11-Aug-16 21:40:14

If you do nothing more tonight, photograph the bruises while they at their worst, and write down exactly what happened, with date and time.

There must be someone, friend or family, who you can tell about this?

chelseababy Thu 11-Aug-16 21:49:24

What about your ex? Is he still away? Can you contact him about what's happened?

phoenix Thu 11-Aug-16 21:51:18

I am guessing that this is you DC's bf?

If so, did she see what happened, and if so, what did she do?

obieone Thu 11-Aug-16 21:51:43

That is indeed shocking. flowers

Are you able to get away?
Would that put the minor in further danger?

Sugarpufffairy Thu 11-Aug-16 21:53:15

I know that I will be shouted down and told I am wrong. I have only had certain folks here today. Although a neighbour call to collect something left with me and heard that a child was in my house so they did know that someone was here. This neighbour can be nosey and likely check which car was parked in the street.
I have already taken photos of the bruises, not a great picture. I think I will try for a better one. Also I have texts that someone was on their way here.
I had emailed SW while it was still at the shouting and swearing stage, but it was ignored. They wont like it when it comes to light that I asked for help and they ignored me. I am a pensioner with disabilities and minor is a child being investigated for disability. We should have been protected.
I have avoided people due to embarrassment at the conduct of this person.
The person is family. The only other person I would speak to is 100s miles away till next week.

obieone Thu 11-Aug-16 22:03:38

The neighbour may well prove useful in the future.

Other agencies I can think of that could be useful are Citizens Advice and the church.

obieone Thu 11-Aug-16 22:04:46

I will pray for you and your family and situation.

Elegran Thu 11-Aug-16 22:08:52

Email SW again and tell them what happened. Phone them in the morning. How old is the minor? Did they see it happen? Old enough to understand and to corroborate your version? Collect your evidence and make sure you don't delete any texts or emails by mistake. Go to your doctor tomorrow to show your bruises, the doc will know from the look/colour of them when they were received.

You need it recorded, the marks seen by someone else, sources of corroborative witnesses listed. Even if you don't use it now, the recorded details could be useful in the future if there are other incidents.

Sugarpufffairy Thu 11-Aug-16 22:14:52

Thank you all very much for taking time to respond. It was not the BF it was the DD.
Ex will be back next week and I will be in contact then. He is aware of the shouting and swearing, which he thinks is bad enough. I don't know what his view on this will be.
Womens' Group said go to GP tomorrow and show the marks and have them noted.
I am looking at rented properties as an emergency situation and if successful I will not be divulging any details to DD.

Iam64 Thu 11-Aug-16 22:32:48

Things seem to be getting worse. I know you have reason to mistrust sw but it sounds as though there is a need to involve professionals to,protect you and the youngster. Elegran is right, the bruises need recording.
Please also phone the sw and tell them what happened. I'm not sure if the sw is involved because of your disability or to help the youngster.
Please take care of yourself. It sounds as though you are thinking of a quick move of home to protect yourself from DD. That sounds like adding to your stress. If you feel so scared, have you considered phoning your local police domestic abuse team? Staff there may be a good source of support for you and will be concerned for the minor.

Sugarpufffairy Thu 11-Aug-16 22:45:00

I am on hold to Social Work just now. Been hanging on for 34 minutes so far. This is the level of service here!
I might even decide to go down to the hospital out of hours so that an official there could see it.
I am quaking every time I hear a car outside. Don't know if it is her of police or anyone. I am so stressed with this.

obieone Thu 11-Aug-16 22:49:01

I think it would be a good idea to go to the hospital out of hours.

BlueBelle Thu 11-Aug-16 23:05:22

May I ask is your daughter taking drugs? Are you living in her house or is she in yours?

Sugarpufffairy Thu 11-Aug-16 23:18:53

I think I will go to the hospital.
I have spoken to SW but she is not happy that I am worried that there would be repercussions. She is not happy that a child was present when this happened.
I was wearing a thick "lambswool" zippy jacket at the time and I would have thought that this would have saved the bruising being bad.
As far as I know my DD does not take drugs. She works in a situation where drugs are being watched for all the time and all hell would break loose if a member of staff was under the influence of anything at all. I have wondered though because that is the norm where she lives.
I live alone in a house but she has keys for one of the doors. She has a car. I have that door jammed up with junk now so it is difficult to open the door even with the key.

Christinefrance Fri 12-Aug-16 08:52:59

SPF I am so sorry about your situation. You cannot continue to live like this. Change the locks and continue to try and get help for the child. Good idea re the police from Iam64.
Wish I could more to help.

Sugarpufffairy Fri 12-Aug-16 09:16:08

I phoned GP Surgery to ask for an appointment. They dont have any until Monday. They do keep a few appointments every day for sudden requests. I feel like they dont want to help me or perhaps they know they should have acted on things they have seen over the last few years. I was shaking because I was ashaned afraid and disgraced because I was going to ask for help

Katek Fri 12-Aug-16 09:38:12

This IS an emergency-phone GP practice back and insist on seeing someone. Tell them you have to be seen today. Do you have a friend who could phone for you or come with you if you're finding this hard to do? You have nothing to be ashamed of so go and make the call.,Let us know how you get on.

Sugarpufffairy Fri 12-Aug-16 09:43:29

I think I will go to the walk in elsewhere. I had hoped for better from the surgery but it is not on. I mught try a few things but my focus with be on locking myself in and getting a rental for a few months freedom from all this. Wont be telling anyone where I am

obieone Fri 12-Aug-16 10:06:39

This is an emergency.

Agree with Katek.

Phone them back. You qualify as an emergency. Agree with her too about the situation is not of your making and you have no need to feel and be ashamed about all of it. You need to see them and they need and want to see you.

You dont want the bruises to have faded by monday.

It is not your fault that you were assaulted.

Elegran Fri 12-Aug-16 10:11:52

Your focus may understandably be on locking yourself in and finding somewhere else to hide - but that is exactly how people panic in a fire, creeping in away from the flames and trying to hide. It doesn't work except for a very short time.

See a GP at once and get this on record. Think of it as calling the fire brigade.

Sugarpufffairy Fri 12-Aug-16 12:40:48

It is now on record with the NHS. All the more reason to start locking myself in. I don't know what is going to happen but I will be the target. The bruises are already starting to fade. I think there is something weak about my blood.
The NHS are going to write to Dr about this and they are going to do other things too. I am scared of what is going to happen to me as a result of this.
The Ex is still away. I will speak to him after he gets back. It a very long drive and he is old.
Done now so stand by for the flack

loopylou Fri 12-Aug-16 12:41:49

You need to report this to the police Sugarpufffairy and get a restriction order put on her.
It's awful that you're considering moving out to get away from her, why should you?
Course you get your locks changed?
((Hugs)) x