Shocking event

*could not course!

SPF do you have a friend, family member who could perhaps stay with you just to get you over the next few days? If it is your house, you should not need to move out, but of course a wee break away might help you to get your breath back after this particularly nasty incident.

I am going to get a new lock for the door.
I think I have done as much as I could cope with today. I was a wreck but the lady was very nice. Even so I am worried. I am anxiety central at he best of times and now I am beyond reason. I am aware of what can happen.
I don't have friends where I am just now. The only person would be the Ex and he is away. I will just keep my head down and stay out the way as much as possible.
She is totally convinced she is perfect and I am all that is wrong. Someone mentioned she might need anger management and I thought I had was perhaps this is a run on from Post Natal Depression. It is dreadful whatever the cause.

Well done Sugarpufffairy.

Will the NHS talk to the police?

I have come to realise that people can say and advise do this and that, but a person can only do what they themselves can manage. So well done for doing what you have done. Look after yourself for the rest of the day. Duvet day for the rest of the day?

Well done SPF, that's obviously taken a lot for you to do.. Could you manage just one more thing and phone a locksmith this afternoon and get him out today? You don't have to tell them anything-maybe that you've lost your keys and that's why you need job done in a hurry? I was thinking it might make you feel more secure over the weekend if you can just lock your doors, turn the TV up and ignore anything happening outside. Remember you can call the police in an emergency. Take care.

Katek I have just bought a new lock and will be fitting it later today. The house is alarmed. Thank you for help and handhold

Well done! Sure you will feel much more comfortable.

Surely if you leave your key in the lock the other person won't be able to open the door. Also a chain on the door is easy to install without the expense of a locksmith.

I am stuck unable to sleep. My neighbours aged about 60 are playing music full tilt. It is a semi detached house and they have wood type flooring. Currently playing Hi Ho Silver Lining. They are stamping while I presume dancing. I quite realise that they do not know the stress I have been through in the last 36 hours but this is the neighbour who collected a parcel from my house yesterday lunchtime and said nothing about future party/get together. They are very selfish and unneighbourly and a damned good reason to be looking for a detached property next time!.
I just wish I could get some rest and peace in my life.
SPF
SPF

Oh SPF I really do feel for you. I understand what you are going through as I have abuse off my DS too and have thrown him out before now. The stress is unbelievable. You have done remarkably well though in the circumstances of probably feeling like it's all a bad dream. Your mind is probably in a fog and you are just working on impulse now. I do hope you are getting some rest as I type this.

The trouble with trying to find somewhere new is that you will have to have all the stress that comes with moving, finding somewhere that is for disabled or setting it up for your use as a disabled person and costs involved. It is more than unfair for your DD to put you in this position. Will she calm down over the weekend, do you think or get worse?

Did you manage to change the lock? That is important. Did your doctor give you any medication for helping you to sleep or to ease your anxiety? Did you ask for any?

When my DS had caused trouble, I have involved the police. I have got it noted so that if it did get worse they would have records of him doing it before. About three times now in total but enough for me to be stressed about. It is a taboo subject, being abused off our own children. Loads is now done for abused children but not much out there for parents who are being abused by their own children, of which there must be plenty.

Keep posting, get some energy rich food in (have it delivered), look after yourself, take deep breaths, and remember you are the parent, you do not deserve this treatment. Stay focused on what you need to do to make your life safer, less stressed, happier and peaceful without all this threatening behaviour. Write it down, lists of what you can do, how you are feeling hour by hour if need be, scream into a pillow, anything to release the anxiety build up and stop it eating away inside of you. I will be doing all this in 5 weeks when my DS leaves home, get my stress levels back down. Take care love, Xxx

Hi Rubilady
I have got the lock changed, it was easier than I thought.
I am feeling that if you have experienced abuse from an adult child as I have, there are likely to be more parents being abused in many ways by adult children. I don't understand why the NHS were all concerned about the child and not me. Are parents OK to take abuse but not for children. This does not in any way mean that I think children should be abused. I just feel that we as parents have no hope of help or protection.
I had wanted to go out for a drive today. After the NDN playing loud music until 2 am and stamping around on wooden floors I do not feel fit to drive today. Another way that my life is held back by those who don't pay my bills!
I am actually living in my parents' house. I had left the area many years ago but came back when parents old and ill. I do know that it is not really the place that has made my DD turn out like this but it has been a thought if we had never come back what would have happened. She was 10 when we came back.
I had stayed because I had hopes of DD getting wise to her situation but it does not look likely. I don't want to continue living here. I watched the difficulties my parents had with stairs etc. I want a bungalow and detached as a result of NDN. I went to see one this last week but it was full of the rots. It was very old fashioned but could have been perfect with sea view as well. My heart was broken but the brain says don't touch the rots!
I also find that this is the time when I have the freedom and the finances to move to a property that is good for me physically ie no or few stairs, and away from the usual area and near the sea water river etc. The areas I am looking at are my life's dream and not the type of area for a shouting swearing loud mouthed city resident. It would have to be a break completely. I would not want the disgrace of being shouted, sworn at and abused in public in a new place.
Hope all goes well for your DS going away to Uni. Cant be long now. Sit quiet, let him leave and then lock the doors!
I am going to try to sleep now and perhaps if I get some rest I can get out later.
Thanks for you post
SPF

I wish I could help you both
SPF and Ruby
I hope talking on GN helps in some way
It is possible that by raising and talking about abusive children it will help others who may be in same position.

How is the minor being protected? Are the authorities involved to look after his /her welfare?

I wish you both peace

Hi Cherry.
I was told that CP wpuld be informed and I will be keeping eyes and ears open to see what happens. Previous experiences have shown that the local SW office are quite bad which is why that is not my first port of call.
Schools are back this coming week so professional people will ser the child. Ex is back soon too. Without having seen any sense from SW I am doing the best I can.
I hope people will see parents who are abused by adult children are to be helped not ignored. There is an organisation called Action on Elder Abuse but they just tell people to contact SW who are well known for failures such as Baby P.
SW need to start ensuring everyone's safety and well being
Thanks for taking the time to post
SPF

I hope you have a peaceful night SPF
I also have my fingers crossed that you get your little bungalow by the sea.
Don't discount a semi- detached
My sister sound proofed her walls using 2 by 2 wood to make a grid like frame with loft insulation in between the gaps then plaster boarded over the top.
It worked well.
she could no longer hear next doors TV and 6am alarm which used to drive her mad
It was also a selling point when she sold her house.

Have you considered renting and using the money from your house sale
A sheltered bungalow.
Or an over 55 apartment
My DH 2 cousins live in same over 55 building.
One has bought a 75% share ( this is better than 100% as still may get benefit help, which you probably wouldn't with 100% ownership)
The other is a widow and due to health problems has sold her house and now rents using the money from her house sale.

I just thought might be worth a mention.
Sometimes it helps if you can make a plan.
But it might be just a little too much to think about at the moment.

x

Hi Cherry
Yesterday I went back to my old house to be able to sleep. I slept for 2 hours and then did not feel like coming back to the house, so I stayed there overnight. I have come back to the house and have had a radio on upstairs and the tv on downstairs. The washing machine is going almost constantly and I take to hovering every wee while. I have had sleep problems since I came back nearly 20 years ago and I really not need people playing loud music and stomping around on wooden floors. I have lost 2 days because of this. I don't feel fit to do any more driving than between the houses (1 mile). I really could have used a trip out to the country or seaside.
I have thought of renting rather than buying first so that I can get the feel of an area before buying. I will keep in mind your suggestion of lining the wall which ajoins a semi detached. I am really more interested in moving away. I have tried to stay here and life is just getting worse and worse. I want a better quality of life than is here. It is a city and I prefer country/seaside.
It is a wee bit too much for me to really think about things just now but I am keeping an eye out for any suitable houses. I want a new life.
Thanks for keeping in touch
SPF

SPF You are in such a difficult position, and seem to be getting so little help from the authorities. However you are formally a victim of 'Elder abuse'. Your local police should have system for dealing with this. It is horrible to fix labels to incidents like those you have suffered, but sometimes it helps because some types of incidents, if labelled approriately, get more help than others

I would also suggest that you contact your local branch of Age UK. When I volunteered with them, we were all very aware of this problem and would coordinate with police and social services when we got complaints.

Our biggest problem was older people who rang us and told us about their abuse, but were then unwilling to work with the authorities to stop it. I twice had to walk away from such cases because the older person, having rung us for help and advice, then flatly refused to make any formal complaint against a family member because it might cause a family upset. These cases trouble me to this day.

In your case the problem is exacerbated because a child is involved as well, but my advice remains the same; if other agencies are slow in offering help, speak to Age UK and do not be afraid to use the term 'elder abuse'.

My thoughts are with you.

I used to work for social services and their answer is not good enough. You need to ring the social worker back and tell her you want this to be raised as an Adult Protection concern. If you have a disability you are considered a vulnerable adult. If you DD has caused bruising by attacking you, this is physical abuse. It needs to be investigated. The social worker should work with the police to resolve these issues and protect you. If she will not help you then ask to speak to her manager. I am so sorry that this happened to you. I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you Monica and Franjess,
I am in receipt of Old Age Pension. I was also awarded PIP as I have conditions for which there is no cure.
Our local authority Social Work have repeatedly failed to act in the proper manner in connection with both older and younger people I am related to. It is all on record and I am a file hoarder. When I once pointed out that they had left it too long I was told I was "gloating". I was distraught as a child related to me nearly died. Gloating was not my primary thought.
I emailed SW a few months ago but there was no response. I have that email. My GP has seen stuff too. Absolutely no response. As it stands it looks as if I am not important, a child is and a male is but not me!
I can see me having to do this without the help of the authorities. They are already aware of the child and me.
Thanks everyone.

SPF How about your local councillors and MP?

Monica - thanks. I might start to contact the MP and MSP in a few days.
It took such a lot out of me to admit that I could not cope with what was happening in my life.
Nothing has happened as far as I knew. Quite a number of people have seen things like shouting swearing and the put downs but said nothing.
I feel even more inclined now to become a hermit.
SPF

SPF you have friends and supporters here on GN, who are always willing to lend an ear and offer advice. You are not alone.

How awful for you SPF. I've not been on line for a few days so have only just seen this thread. I hope you're feeling a little more settled now and perhaps have contacted your MP and MSP.

Your GP and SW's apparent lack of concern is as shocking as it is unprofessional, what's wrong with these so called professionals. You are important SPF, please don't ever think that you're not.

It is just getting worse. I was awarded PIP for my health problems 3 years ago and had a further medical for renewal and now I have been refused. As far I am aware Auto Immune diseases are lifelong, incurable and in operable and I am now older and less able, but apparently cured of the incurable.
I got into this state through being the decent daughter who stayed to care for the parents while the other did not show face for about 20 years after being caught with the hand in the till.
I am fed up with it all. Apart from the ladies on here I really do not think anyone cares at all, especially not those who are paid extortionate salaries as nurses, doctors, social workers etc. I had £55 per week as Carers Allowance for being in attendance every hour of every day. Some days I was lucky and a non family visitor would call and I would get a bath!
I am getting CBT through NHS but they can not admit that I have PTSD because it was them caused it!

I have now had a visit from SW. They were alerted by the hospital. I told them about all the things that were going on including the male married neighbour who made a sexual proposition a few months after SO and then DF died while I was in a bad way with health problems and definitely would not allow anyone near my body. I had reported that to Police who said that to this man I was just a young thing.
The outcome is that they do not see what they can do to help me (even supposing they wanted to).
In the meantime other things have happened. I am not willing to attempt to report anything to SW. They seem to think that elder abuse is fine and dandy.
I spent years and a lot of health trying to alert SW to an other child and they denied it until the Police Surgeon made a statement that the attack could have proved fatal. That child had spent their whole life being beaten nearly to death.
SW have ignored my situation and after that and previous experiences in connection with a child they are not the people who will deal effectively with abuses.