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To be fed up with having to produce meals every day?

(102 Posts)
Luckygirl Sat 13-Aug-16 10:29:57

I have spent decades planning meals, buying food and cooking for the whole family and now that it is just two of us I have truly had enough of it. Sometimes my mind just goes blank and I think "What the heck can I feed us today?"

OH has a raft of things he does not want to eat (which includes all vegetables and salad and pasta of any kind). I cannot be bothered to produce two different meals, so I either cook what he wants, or what I want and have to watch him groaning and pushing it around his plate with a pained expression. He hates going out to eat.

The whole thing has just become a chore.

Many years ago he did go on a cookery course as the plan was that I would work full time and he part time, but would he take some responsibility for cooking - did this really happen? - no!

I cannot have my favourite food - cheese - because of migraine, so my enthusiasm for producing meals is rock bottom. We are reduced to ready meals a lot of the time.

Am I alone in having had enough of this?

Luckygirl Sat 13-Aug-16 14:24:36

* aggie * - that is interesting. My OH too will hate something one week and then eat it the next. He has been off soup for years and then suddenly when I produced some the other day he said he liked it! It also depends on the time of day - he will insist on eating at lunchtime and not in the evening, then change his mind a week later. I guess it is mainly down to the PD. I will just grin and get on with it I guess. It would all be better if he was willing to pop to the pub for the occasional meal.

granjura Sat 13-Aug-16 14:32:14

Really don't want to sound 'smug' - but I do wonder if women are not often their own worst enemies. If you spend 10, 20, 30 40 + years cooking on your own - then of course it becomes the 'norm' ad will take some pain in breaking the habit.

I've gone away on hols, or courses, etc- all my life, and have never ever cooked in advance and froze, etc- for DH. He wouldn't have expected it either and would have been offended if I suggested it even.

granjura Sat 13-Aug-16 14:53:17

The answer to 'what's for dinner dear'? is

I don't know, whatever YOU are cooking... and leave it at that.

M0nica Sat 13-Aug-16 14:55:20

I was away at university, Mon - Fri during the first year of my retirement. DH looked after himself very well. He gets quite cross if I even indicate what may or may not be in the freezer that he might like in my absence.

Pigglywiggly Sat 13-Aug-16 14:59:28

I cooked everything for 21 years and then was ill so couldn't eat 'normal' food. I had also reached the stage where I had had enough of cooking.
I taught DH loads of things to cook and now he cooks if I don't start doing it when he is hungry. His cooking isn't fantastic, but if I don't have to do it I don't care!

DaphneBroon Sat 13-Aug-16 15:12:55

Despite some PRACTICAL suggestions, I can't imagine that some of the judgemental replies so far have made luckygirl feel much better. The cliché about walking a mile in someone's shoes springs to mind. With health issues luckyboy may not be able to cook for himself and if you have ever watched someone push their food reluctantly round their plate you will know that can rip the heart out of the keenest cook.
I was a professional private chef in Lobdon for some years, so my love of food and cooking hardly need justification (!) but I see luckygirl's current situation as a whole different ballgame from what I think some people's experience seems to be.

DaphneBroon Sat 13-Aug-16 15:14:47

London of course blush guess who didn't check her preview?

granjura Sat 13-Aug-16 15:29:52

Daphne, I've re-read the OP to see if I'd missed something about her DH being disabled or seriously ill- but no, there is no mention at all. To my mind it seems so old-fashioned to intimate that it is the wife's 'duty' to cook ad infernitum- call it judgemental if you wish. I am so so grateful my mother, born in 1915- taught me not to be a slave or taken for granted. Your choice of course, but is is a choice.

granjura Sat 13-Aug-16 15:29:52

Daphne, I've re-read the OP to see if I'd missed something about her DH being disabled or seriously ill- but no, there is no mention at all. To my mind it seems so old-fashioned to intimate that it is the wife's 'duty' to cook ad infernitum- call it judgemental if you wish. I am so so grateful my mother, born in 1915- taught me not to be a slave or taken for granted. Your choice.

DaphneBroon Sat 13-Aug-16 15:47:51

Sorry GJ I thought you were aware that luckygirl's DH has Parkinsons Disease (as aggie realised too) which I am assuming is part of the problem. I certainly never wished to sound as if I was flying a flag for "traditional" wifely roles and my use of the word "judgemental" may have been wrong, if so I apologise, but the inference (not from you) was that luckyg should take pleasure in cooking for its own sake and not see it as a chore.
Life can be hard sometimes especially when the joy of something which you both perhaps enjoyed in the past, is cruelly denied.

Maggiemaybe Sat 13-Aug-16 15:58:20

I'm very lucky, because after years of being the chief cook (I always got in from work earlier, so it was just more practical), DH has taken to the kitchen with a vengeance now he's retired and plans and cooks nearly all of our meals. He enjoys cooking more than I do and is better at it. He follows recipes to the letter whilst I am more of a throw it in and hope for the best type. He always was the weekend chef, though his repertoire was limited - full English brunches were his speciality - so I suppose he had a good grounding. And I'll eat anything apart from offal, so he has a completely free hand grin

I still cook for any big gatherings, and I'm the baker (though these days that just comes down to bread and special occasion cakes) and I make batches of soup, etc, for the freezer from the allotment produce, but I'm very happy to have been able to give up the daily grind of deciding what the heck the pair of us should eat this week.

kittylester Sat 13-Aug-16 16:07:56

I can see how disheartening it must be Lucky and I'm fairly sure that I wouldn't enjoy cooking if there was no DH sitting in the kitchen chatting and then appreciating whatever I've cooked.

Have you thought about those home delivery meals (the name of which was in my head when I started this but is no longer there) You could have a selection of those in and then he can have whatever he fancies. Or bulk cooking and freezing in one person portions would serve the same purpose but be more like hard work.

granjura Sat 13-Aug-16 16:13:39

I am so sorry then, I was not aware of the health issues with LG's DH. This makes it very much harder- and I know being ill or disabled can make you angry and down- but even so- it is not fair to expect anyone to make meals and care, day in, day out- and be grumpy and never say thank you - and I hope LG can find a way to express this and find ways to stop the ungratefulness.

kittylester Sat 13-Aug-16 16:22:39

That's a bit harsh gj as you have no way of knowing the circumstances or dynamic in Lucky's house.

granjura Sat 13-Aug-16 16:29:39

I am sorry I was not aware of health issues in my first post- and how it came across as a bit harsh, as you say. This last post however doesn't sound harsh, I believe.

Luckyg is obviously feeling fed up and un- appreciated, as clear in her OP - so it is very much those dynamics that need addressing as it will cause much resentment and upset otherwise. She would not have posted otherwise. I've known too many carers ending up exhausted and resentful- because said 'dynamics' get stuck in a rut- so help is required in addressing this for her sake- long term.

granjura Sat 13-Aug-16 16:38:26

GP would be well aware of DH's issues, and would be a good place to start to ask for support- if caring for him is becoming very hard and disheartening.

Penstemmon Sat 13-Aug-16 16:41:21

I go through fads with cooking meals. At the moment I am in a ICBA phase so we are living out of the freezer supplemented by take always/eating out..lucky I know to be in a position to do this.

I will move back in to a cooking phase again and enjoy trying both old favourites as well asn trying out new recipes!

DH is not a cook..he tries occasionally and I try hard to enjoy the offerings grin to encourage more attempts!

I agree that planning and shopping specifically is when it gets to about 6p.m. and I wonder what I might have in the fridge to make a meal with confused

Riverwalk Sat 13-Aug-16 16:48:58

Granjura I don't think Luckygirl needs to consult the GP because she's pissed-off with cooking every day!

LumpySpacedPrincess Sat 13-Aug-16 16:55:56

What about trying completely new recipes, you may discover new things you like together, the good food site is really good for fresh ideas. Simple food can be just as lovely as a meal you have slaved over, we have soup and sarnie night which is great, quick stir fries, egg fried rice with some marinated meat, all quick, simple and delicious!

M0nica Sat 13-Aug-16 17:00:13

I think the problem is that too often the OP doesn't give the full story. I think a lot of us would have approached this thread differently had we realised the particular circumstances that led to LG's post.

I know that sometimes this information is sometimes known by some posters from reading other threads, but if someone has only just joined GN or not read any of the threads that would have made the circumstances clear, or simply read them and forgotten then they will not factor this unwritten knowledge into their reply.

granjura Sat 13-Aug-16 17:12:44

Riverwalk- agree in 'normal' circumstances- but if this is linked to her DH's illness/Parkinsonism- and her being a long-suffering carer- then yes, it could really help. Help the Aged as well, or the Parkinson Society. It is almost bound to get worse, sadly, rather than better- and support would in how to approach his 'grumpy' and ungrateful response to meals being produced- could be invaluable.

As said, I do not know the exact circumstances.

Bellanonna Sat 13-Aug-16 17:17:00

Dear OH never, ever cooks or shops for food. I never, ever iron. So I don't mind as we both hate the task that we don't do and enjoy the ones we do.

In your case, the suggestion of getting him to write a list of things he likes is a good one, just as long as this is not a moveable feast. Plus a plate of sarnies and you having a nice lunch in town either on your own, or with a friend, is a good solution.
I do absolutely every bit of cooking but we do go out and he's not fussy. A few things I have to avoid but on the whole he's easy. Just get that list, and if there is a handy takeaway where you now live would he be amenable to that? And would he consider, at least, a pub lunch occasionally? I have to work really hard at any kind of persuasion but I do occasionally get there. Good luck Luckygirl.

Stansgran Sat 13-Aug-16 17:20:41

I think that Granjura may have posted before Luckygirl had mentioned her DH 's PD on this thread. I do think that from the three people I know who have/ had PD that food is an issue as the sense of smell goes and food pleasure is often associated with the delicious smell of what's cooking. Possibly go for brightly coloured dishes with lots of contrasts- lots of turmeric in curry with dazzling white rice. And give very small portions as it is difficult to bin a lot of food if you've cooked it. I do make enough for the following day and DH has to eat it until I feel a wave of inspiration. My main problem is he has taken over the shopping so tends to buy what he likes to eat(offal) not what I like to cook. And he has taken to the reduced counter in a big way.

DaphneBroon Sat 13-Aug-16 17:24:20

14.24 and 14.36 actually.

granjura Sat 13-Aug-16 17:30:42

Bellanonna- that is absolutely fine as it is a choice, your choice.

Thank you Stansgran- none of us a re mind- readers and read every thread.