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To be fed up with having to produce meals every day?

(101 Posts)
Luckygirl Sat 13-Aug-16 10:29:57

I have spent decades planning meals, buying food and cooking for the whole family and now that it is just two of us I have truly had enough of it. Sometimes my mind just goes blank and I think "What the heck can I feed us today?"

OH has a raft of things he does not want to eat (which includes all vegetables and salad and pasta of any kind). I cannot be bothered to produce two different meals, so I either cook what he wants, or what I want and have to watch him groaning and pushing it around his plate with a pained expression. He hates going out to eat.

The whole thing has just become a chore.

Many years ago he did go on a cookery course as the plan was that I would work full time and he part time, but would he take some responsibility for cooking - did this really happen? - no!

I cannot have my favourite food - cheese - because of migraine, so my enthusiasm for producing meals is rock bottom. We are reduced to ready meals a lot of the time.

Am I alone in having had enough of this?

KatyK Sat 13-Aug-16 10:37:15

Oh dear Luckygirl . Fortunately my DH loves going out to eat and we do so about twice a week, usually a cheap and cheerful Wetherspoons. He is also a good cook so that takes some of the pressure off me. It's very difficult for you, I don't know what the answer is but I'm sure some other Gransnetters will have some help for you.

Jane10 Sat 13-Aug-16 10:40:12

Nope. I don't even cook much but get fed up at the endless shopping and making sure we've got enough of everything. One thing that's helped is making DH do his own shopping and food prep one night a week. This has been good for him to learn about quantities, healthy foods and appropriate combinations. He's never even thought about it before. It also means that I can have lovely salads and fruit. Win win!

obieone Sat 13-Aug-16 10:42:37

Get him to write a complete list of foods that he will eat.

Does he properly understand what a chore it is for you?

obieone Sat 13-Aug-16 10:44:05

If you are in a position of looking at a list of what he will eat, then you are working from a "positive" instead of a "negative".

Alima Sat 13-Aug-16 10:47:29

No, you are not alone Luckygirl! Years ago when our two DDs left home I said, "right, that's it, not cooking anymore!" Don't think DH believed me at first but we soon got into a routine, he has something Saindbury made earlier, I have salad or something on toast. It works very well, we eat at the same time and there's none of the old "what shall we have for dinner" anymore. It is the same now even though I am retired now. DH used to work shifts so not too many mealtimes coincided anyway. Weekends are different, usually manage to rustle something up from my old repertoire. Today we are going out to eat, ta rah! (Really feel for you not being able to eat cheese as I love it too. What is the ingredient in it that causes migraine? DGD has an intolerance to the protein in cow's milk so DD has tried her with goats cheese which she likes and doesn't cause a problem. Pongs a bit though).

Kateykrunch Sat 13-Aug-16 10:49:02

Same here Luckygirl!, I think that is why I have put so much weight on (sandwich lunches) defo not my dolly mixtures or treacle sandwiches I hasten to add lol. KatyK, we have just 'discovered' Wetherspoons, I feel sure their Deli Deals are cheaper than eating at home. I hate cooking, So we do tend to eat out a couple of times a week and hubby has just started making a spag bol on some occasions. We tend to eat healthy most meals, its such a bore and chore though. I could live on crisp sanwiches and cereal if it was just me to fend for. I have started to adapt the stodge sandwich lunches now and we will have, mushroom omlette, beans or egg or toast, tuna salad, soup, jkt potato instead and just use a sandwich as a fall back.

Riverwalk Sat 13-Aug-16 10:50:47

It must be very wearisome cooking every day for a picky eater who doesn't cook himself and dislikes going out to eat!

Maybe instead spend one day a week batch-cooking casseroles; chicken joints in sauce; fish pie, etc and freezing them. As for vegetables for you, batch-cook roast peppers, aubergine, red onions, garlic, etc. They freeze well and are lovely to accompany any meal. That way you're not doing separate meals as such.

Combine this with some ready-made meals.

All this is assuming that your DH is not able to cook because of his illness and not just being a lazy arse!

DaphneBroon Sat 13-Aug-16 10:51:51

luckygirl you have expressed what I (inwardly) moan about at least once a week! DH who used to be able to eat for England without putting on an ounce, now frequently loses his appetite and as he loses weight all too easily that is to be avoided. I too have meals where he pushes it round his plate and sometimes feel I might as well put it straight in the dog and avoid the middleman.
I don't think there is an easy answer, especially given your DH's health issues. A repertoire of 7 things you can count on him "liking" perhaps, some easy cook dishes (not ready meals) too so that if they are rejected, it's no great loss.
I know you don't want to cook 2 separate meals, but you do have to treat yourself sometimes.m So leave him a plate of sandwiches and go out to lunch/supper with a girlfriend!! smile

NanaandGrampy Sat 13-Aug-16 11:03:16

That would drive me nuts Lucky!

I am very lucky, firstly Grampys Mum trained him well so he could already cook. Then the army taught him to clean . Then for 40 years he worked shifts and I worked long hours and often away from home. So he had to cook for our girls and himself.

Now we're retired we take turns. If he's had a busy day I cook, he always does day lunch. We eat out when we fancy it and for the first I've in too long we eat no ready meals .

If we're cooking something that freezes well then we make extra so on days when we just can't be a*sed there's a 'ping' meal available.

I definitely think that's the way forward for you. Find 7 meals DH will eat and batch cook and freeze. Then you can have whatever your heart desires without listening to himself complain. Although I do think he needs to take a turn in the kitchen even on that day you eat out !!

NanaandGrampy Sat 13-Aug-16 11:05:24

That's 'Sunday' not day lol

Ps I forgot to say....the alternative is to go on strike because he's taking the Mickey smile

M0nica Sat 13-Aug-16 11:44:38

As I said on another thread the day I lose interest and enjoyment in my food is the first sign I am on the way out.

Of course I bulk cook, have a few convenience foods my freezer is never without and we eat out but I always have and, hopefully, always will, really enjoy looking out for new recipes, planning the weeks menus and then going out and buying the food. It is about the only shopping I do enjoy.

Anya Sat 13-Aug-16 11:50:56

You cook 3 days, he cooks three days then either go out or get ready meal the other day.

LumpySpacedPrincess Sat 13-Aug-16 11:54:49

Stop, it's not your job and I can guarantee that he won't starve. If you want to be fair you could cook half of the week, then he prepares meals the rest of the week. Personally I think he owes you a couple of decades of domestic servitude! grin

M0nica Sat 13-Aug-16 12:03:41

Even when I lived on my own I cooked and planned menus as I do now. For me preparing food for eating has nothing to do with whether I have partner or not. It is all to do with the pleasure I get from eating it.

DS is the cook in his family for exactly the same reasons. DD lives alone and cooks for herself most days, again because she likes to eat well. We continually swap recipes and suggestions for new food items to try (or not!).

LumpySpacedPrincess Sat 13-Aug-16 12:15:02

When neither of us can be bothered to eat we fill the fridge with lovely salads, coleslaws etc. Then you just need to add some protein and you have a good plate of food. Dh made a lovely coleslaw yesterday and I made a couscous salad, we'll roast some chicken or bake some fish later to go with it.

DaphneBroon Sat 13-Aug-16 12:15:04

But Monica a huge part of the satisfaction of cooking comes from knowing that the end result will be enjoyed . If for whatever reason that doesn't happen, yes, it is dispiriting, and luckygirl's DH's PD is presumably a major factor in how she is feeling.
Been there with my own DH's health issues. It is not so easy to tell hm
him cook for himself or to exercise "tough love"
I do sympathise Luckygirl something else to put up with flowers

LumpySpacedPrincess Sat 13-Aug-16 12:16:04

The problem isn't the cooking though, it's cooking for a fussy man who doesn't appreciate it, that's the problem.

gettingonabit Sat 13-Aug-16 13:11:06

I sympathise. It's an absolute bind. I don't mind cooking in principle, and dp isn't remotely fussy, but it's soul-destroying to put food in front of people, day in, day out, and not getting a syllable of appreciation in return.

No advice, except to say "do your own cooking, then".

That'll learn 'im. smile

granjura Sat 13-Aug-16 13:41:11

yep - just don't do it!

pollyperkins Sat 13-Aug-16 13:42:21

I'm the same and my husband never cooks. He will do lunch if it's beans/ cheese on toast or similar, or open a tin of soup. Whenever I Make a casserole, shepherds pie, lasagne. Etc I make enough for four and we have it two days running which he doesn't mind at all. I don't freeze it, just put it in the fridge to warm up next day. Also we go out for a meal almost every week , usually on Fridays. Sometimes we have a takeaway or ready meal on Saturday. He know I don't enjoy cooking and tries to help by going out for meals etc. Catering for others eg dinner parties are a nightmare for me - I don't count family as they know what to expect and I usually do the same things which the GC will enjoy eg Spaghetti Bol!

pollyperkins Sat 13-Aug-16 13:44:01

I hasten to add, he does appreciate it and usually thanks me and doesn't complain if the meal is a failure. He tells me I'm a good cook but I know I'm not - I have no confidence and also I find it boring!

aggie Sat 13-Aug-16 14:12:12

My OH suffers from PD too and his taste buds have gone daft ! Things he used to relish are a no no now , but it doesn't mean that stuff he used to dislike are now on the menu . In fact what he finished last week meets with distain this week . Soup is the only thing I know will go down well , I make a huge pot and freeze portions . Puddings are ok too , but sometimes I can't be bothered making them .Bought apple or rhubarb tarts are eaten with relish , homemade are spurned !The rest of the Family like my baking lol . It is a job trying to make nutritious meals that will be eaten instead of empty calories . I do go with Chicken sarnies with the soup or meat cut up fine in with the soup

grannylyn65 Sat 13-Aug-16 14:16:32

I love cooking, but no one to cook for!sad

M0nica Sat 13-Aug-16 14:17:04

DaphneBroon. It is nice if I cook something and someone is around to appreciate it but it is absolutely not essential for me and I am not bothered if I do not get it. I cook primarily as a means of servicing my own curiosity about and enjoyment of food. For me the food comes first. Cooking is merely a means to enjoying it. I have no interest in cooking as a craft in itself. Cookery programmes whether Bake Off or the more narrowly cooking based programmes bore me rigid.

Fortunately this interest in food is one of the things DH and I share, but before he (partly) retired he was often away from home for longish periods and even when he was absent I continued to cook and plan as I ever did when he was around.

I am sad that so many GN members seem to see food and preparing it as a chore and a job to be done for others rather than sharing my pleasure and enjoyment in food. We all have to eat to live, why not enjoy it?