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AIBU to think the only person who should open mail is the person it's addressed to

(61 Posts)
nickynacky Tue 06-Sep-16 16:28:48

I just saw something on social media where someone was saying they were happy for their partner to open their mail and wondered if it was just me who was surprised by this? Of course if I have ordered, say, something for the house and it arrives, and it's obvious what it is then fine. But other post? No! Apart from the fact I like the act of opening it (unless it's a bill), I feel what is sent to me is sent to ME. Don't get me wrong - I have a happy and trusting relationship with my partner and I have nothing to hide. But my mail is my mail (luckily he feels the same)

Leticia Sat 17-Sep-16 07:17:56

I would never open anyone's post and have never had anyone open mine.
The only exception being if I am away from home and am waiting for something then I might ask DH to open a specific letter and phone me.
I didn't open the children's post either when they were young.

NonnaW Thu 08-Sep-16 12:05:33

DH always says 'open it' if something is addressed to him. He doesn't open mine, though I'd have no problem with it. He would never go into my handbag - too afraid of what might bite him! (I have to muck it out occasionally as it gets too messy even for me blush!

DaphneBroon Thu 08-Sep-16 09:19:26

Someone may have said this before but this is of course why "etiquette" used to dictate that invitations etc to a couple were addressed to "the lady of the house" so that she could open them, presumably in her morning room.
Hyacinth, take note.

Deedaa Wed 07-Sep-16 21:49:10

DH and I wer both brought up never to open other people's mail. He also flatly refuses to get anything out of my hand bag - even when I want him to confused

MadMaisie Wed 07-Sep-16 21:15:41

Touch my handbag or open my mail at your peril!

ElroodFan Wed 07-Sep-16 21:10:29

I have to say I open my husbands mail. If I didn't we be swamped with catalogues, junk mail envelopes etc as he throws nothing away. I had to start doing it for my own sanity.

Newquay Wed 07-Sep-16 20:19:52

We receive very little personal mail these days but DH always says he doesn't mind if I open anything addressed to him (usually bills or something official which I deal with in any event). He doesn't open my post although I always tell him to.
We do put birthday cards to one side to be opened on the day though.
We have a joint email address. I'm the one who has friends. I'll often ask if he's seen an email from so and so-no he never has. . . .
My diary always seems to be the family property as I'm the one who notes everything down. Even dear SIL looked into it once (after asking if he could!) to check his Police shift! Honestly-I used to say I could never have a secret lover that's for sure!

GrandmaMoira Wed 07-Sep-16 19:21:27

My first husband used to go through my handbag. Though I had nothing to hide, I hated him doing it, it felt an invasion of privacy. Before I was widowed, I would expect to open any personal post myself and with both husbands they left me to sort out bills anyway.

Legs55 Wed 07-Sep-16 17:16:07

I used to open mail when my DH was alive as I dealt with all the bills etc, only Birthday Cards were left to open on the day (although he always wanted to open cards when they arrived so I had to take them off him!!!!). I was only one to use e-mail so no problem - he was a complete technophobe grin

When we met & for many years after we married he would never go into my handbag, always bringing it to me even if I said get what you want (usually cash)

I didn't think it was my right to open DH's mail but he hated dealing with paperwork, always passed anything over to him if I needed him to read & let me know what to do with it smile

moobox Wed 07-Sep-16 16:21:55

When I married him I had to dig him out of a cesspit of unopened mail. He wouldn't open his mail if I was out.

Nandalot Wed 07-Sep-16 15:20:25

We don't care who opens what, though it Is usually me. I don't know if it is true/still true that legally a wife may open her husband's post not not vice versa. Doesn't seem likely but I heard it somewhere.

Spangles1963 Wed 07-Sep-16 15:17:24

Anya - I have done that a couple of times!blush. Glad I did though. Secret bank account anyone? (My ex-husband,one of the reasons he is my ex).

Swanny Wed 07-Sep-16 14:30:36

When we were first married my ex was in the Army and we lived in Germany. All our mail came to his BFPO camp address and he opened it before I ever saw it. I had no problem with that.

When we were later stationed in UK the mail came to our house and I usually opened it first, particularly if he was away. He had no problem with that.

One day I opened a letter addressed to him that was very personal and intimate angry I couldn't believe my eyes but also couldn't believe he would be so stupid as to give someone his real name and home address confused He tried to persuade me a colleague had used his details for a little extra-marital activity ...

Wobblybits Wed 07-Sep-16 14:13:44

WE don't get precious about who opens the mail, if they are official looking OH deals with that and opens them regardless who they are addressed to. Only around birthdays would we be more selective.

lizzypopbottle Wed 07-Sep-16 14:13:37

Good grief! Gaggi3 That's terrible! It just proves that opening someone else's mail is the thin end of the wedge!

Gaggi3 Wed 07-Sep-16 14:03:04

I met a man, a couple of years ago, whose mother had concealed his written offer of a place at University. He just assumed he hadn't been accepted, and didn't even contact the college to ask why he'd heard nothing. He only found out about this after his mother died. Nowt so queer as folk.

RAF Wed 07-Sep-16 13:58:44

Would not dream of opening DH's mail, or he mine, we often like to surprise each other with birthday outings etc, so would risk ruining surprises! I will however hide his birthday presents and cards from others until the actual day, and he does the same for me.

We have an DiL living with us, and if I open her bank statement by mistake (same bank and surname as me) I feel absolutely dreadful, and scribble profuse apologies on the envelope.

Neversaydie Wed 07-Sep-16 13:53:04

Dh deals with all our joint finances but he would never open a letter adressed to me even it was obviously related to an account ,investment etc. I just open them ,scan and hand over to my financial advisor .
Similarly he would never go into my handbag even if I say 'oh its in my bag'He'll always bring it to me
I am the same .
I do open DD 2 post so I know whether to scan and send to her .It seems to be taking her forever to change her adress on things ...

larraine Wed 07-Sep-16 13:33:07

Would never dream of opening my partners mail, but for any interesting mail, always make sure l am standing looking over his shoulder reading it with him, and l aways let him read all my mail too...although often not interest in doing so, especially those that look like they might contain he always leaves me to deal with them.
If he pockets 'it' with a "l'll read it later, then my curiosity is immediately aroused so you can be sure l will be constantly badgering him, to read it post haste.... dare l say...just like a Woman! haha. smile

lizzypopbottle Wed 07-Sep-16 13:29:58

I think it's my right to privacy that would be violated if mail addressed to me was opened by someone else. Suffragettes marched and died for such recognition!

BRedhead59 Wed 07-Sep-16 13:12:21

I'm retired so I open everything on arrival and deal with bills etc. My husband reads/checks everything when he gets home including junk mail. I am not allowed to throw anything away until he has looked. + vise versa

miep Wed 07-Sep-16 13:10:34

When I am in hospital (which seems to be increasingly frequent), my best friend/carer opens all my mail with my complete permission. If I'm at home, never; nor would I open hers. I never opened my husband(s) mail either. It just isn't done - andI have a feeling it's also illegal.

pollyperkins Wed 07-Sep-16 13:05:05

Ah Lizzie, but years ago we did get personal letters and would never open someone else's. It's very rare now. They are nearly all bills. Apart from birthday cards etc and I wouldn't open those!

pollyperkins Wed 07-Sep-16 13:02:29

Well I'm eating humble pie now! Just read some of this thread to DH and said 'You don't mind me opening some of your letters do you?' He said yes I shouldn't do it. So I said. ' Oh, you've got secrets from me then?' And he replied that he might be planning a surprise present or holiday for me!!
Well, it hasn't happened so far but I'll stop doing it and see!!
Then I said -' but you do open my handbag and take out money! '. He protested that he always asks first and as I'm quite relaxed about it and would hardly notice he may be right!

lizzypopbottle Wed 07-Sep-16 13:02:17

My parents moved house many times and never opened our letters when we were children and friends we'd left behind wrote to us. We were always happy to share our letters but we read them first. As a family, we even avoided reading postcards addressed to another family member! I wouldn't dream of opening anyone else's mail unless expressly asked and even then I'd feel uncomfortable.

Christinefrance there was a strict pecking order when our regular, weekly comics (Bunty and Judy) dropped onto the mat:
1st Mum
2nd older sister
3rd Me
4th (last) baby sister (she's 60 this year!)
We never questioned this birthright! 😱

We absolutely never looked into my mother's handbag. Nor did my dad. My handbag is sacrosanct!