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AIBU to think the only person who should open mail is the person it's addressed to

(60 Posts)
nickynacky Tue 06-Sep-16 16:28:48

I just saw something on social media where someone was saying they were happy for their partner to open their mail and wondered if it was just me who was surprised by this? Of course if I have ordered, say, something for the house and it arrives, and it's obvious what it is then fine. But other post? No! Apart from the fact I like the act of opening it (unless it's a bill), I feel what is sent to me is sent to ME. Don't get me wrong - I have a happy and trusting relationship with my partner and I have nothing to hide. But my mail is my mail (luckily he feels the same)

jinglbellsfrocks Tue 06-Sep-16 16:35:38

If I didn't open anything that arrives in a brown envelope, it would stay unopened. Or those white envelopes with a window.

tanith Tue 06-Sep-16 16:39:24

My OH has never opened an envelope addressed to me and vise versa but I would have no problem if he did, in fact if I'm busy and he picks up the mail I will say just open it .
I think its only respectful not to unless asked.

Anya Tue 06-Sep-16 16:39:31

I steam open anything that looks interesting. If you read if quickly enough the heat from the steam keeps it sticky and you can reseal it so you'd never know.

Ana Tue 06-Sep-16 16:43:04

Anya! grin

(surely not...wink)

Anya Tue 06-Sep-16 16:45:23

Only if it looks interesting....those white envelopes with a window....never!

annsixty Tue 06-Sep-16 16:45:54

One of my H's new foibles with his condition is to rush to the door when the post arrives and to stand in the porch sorting the mail and trying to see who it is from.
He will open and read everything if I don't stop him. It so riles me. I tell him not to do it but that is a waste of time. As soon as I open something he wants to know what is is , he does it with our son as well. He can't help it but it is the height of rudenedd to me.

M0nica Tue 06-Sep-16 16:54:34

I agree with you annsixty. I wouldn't dream of opening DH's post unless it is one of the household bills I deal with and I know is in his name. He would not open any post of mine.

Prior to retirement he travelled world wide on business and was away for weeks at a time. I then had his agreement to open everything to make sure that credit cards etc were paid on time etc, but I would NEVER open private correspondence.

nickynacky Tue 06-Sep-16 16:56:28

I'm glad it is not just me

ninathenana Tue 06-Sep-16 17:01:20

annsixty My brother had this problem when living with mum. She would open everything and hide it while he was at work.
We bought an American type postbox that we attached to the wall by the front door. My brother had the only key.
Utility bills are in my name but despite it being obvious what they are H would still not open them. He certainly wouldn't open anything personal nor would I.

Grannyknot Tue 06-Sep-16 17:15:13

We open each other's mail in this house from time to time. Don't see a problem (but would never open something that looked properly personal, but who writes personal letters these days?)

I'm often on my husband's email too (at his request, easier to dictate replies to me than do the 2 finger typing thing).

We had a nephew staying here who didn't change his address for months after he left. It was only when I threatened to open his mail - and then carried out the threat and sent him a Whatsapp pic - that he got the message.

rosesarered Tue 06-Sep-16 17:26:38

Same as Grannyknot.

BlueBelle Tue 06-Sep-16 17:52:22

That was my first mistake with my son in law it was before they had actually married but we're living together he picked me up from the airport drove to their flat he opened the outside letterbox took out a white envelope clearly addressed to my daughter and promptly opened and read it. I made the big mistake of commenting to her that I was surprised to see him open her mail and got a big flea in my ear Lesson learnt ( well nearly)
I did open a letter of my ex husbands once because I was very worried about money he owed I very careful steamed it open and read the contents was worried he'd be back soon so quickly shoved it back in sealed it up and put it under the other letters Didn't realised I d put it into a window envelope with the address down side and a blank sheet in the window .... Get out of that one

SueDonim Tue 06-Sep-16 19:07:56

I used to open my dh's mail when he was working abroad. He couldn't care less about it, it's one less thing for him to do as far as he's concerned. grin

Christinefrance Tue 06-Sep-16 19:48:07

I prefer to open my own mail, my husband does too but it's not a big issue. I also like to read a magazine or paper first and get quite irritated if my husband gets to it first , do try to bite my tongue though.

rosesarered Tue 06-Sep-16 20:48:28

grin Christine

kittylester Wed 07-Sep-16 06:44:40

What GK said!

Greenfinch Wed 07-Sep-16 06:49:05

Agree with granny knot.
Tablet won't allow me to write it as one word !

gillybob Wed 07-Sep-16 07:34:19

I have almost always opened DH's mail. Both at work and at home ( unless it looks personal in which case it could wait for ages to be opened) . He would never open ordinary mail at all. Not interested.

Witzend Wed 07-Sep-16 08:38:33

Dh and I never open each other's mail, unless we've had to (like when he was away a lot and I had to open credit card bills to pay them.
OTOH we have both occasionally opened something of the other's by mistake, and it doesn't bother either of us in the least.
But in principle, no.

How about handbags? My father was always meticulous about not looking in my mother's bag - if she wanted something from it he would bring it to her. So it felt all wrong when dh would occasionally look in my bag for something - not that I had anything to hide - but I asked him to bring it to me instead as my father always had. He didn't take offence - it had evidently never occurred to him.
But then my father was an exceptionally courteous and lovely man, as dh knew very well.

Gagagran Wed 07-Sep-16 08:56:31

My DH does with my bag what your father did Witzend and we always open our own post.Some comes to Mr & Mrs so I always pass that to him as its usually something he deals with, like insurances. It's just what suits us and the way we have dealt with things over the past 51 years of marriage.

floorflock Wed 07-Sep-16 10:09:00

My husband won't open any post at all, he views it as my job and has nothing to hide. In fact, he can get arsy if I say this is for you & give it to him. He gives it me back saying I don't want it - you open it.

Christinefrance Wed 07-Sep-16 10:13:13

Sorry rosesarered I know it's bad but think it comes of being an only child. I had everything to myself, not that I was spoilt you understand.

pollyperkins Wed 07-Sep-16 10:50:52

I confess I do open DHs letters if they look in testing not bills). He doesn't seem to mind. And h frequently looks in my handbag (and puts things back in the wrong places!). What's wrong with it? We trust each other!

chrissyh Wed 07-Sep-16 11:21:28

Never, nor he mine. If I know what it is, I may say 'shall I open this' but otherwise no. Certainly not from a lack of trust but because that was the way things were in my family before I married. My husband's mum used to open his mail, even his birthday cards if he wasn't there when the post came - I couldn't believe it. My DDiL opens my sons mail otherwise it would sit there forever so, of course, that is the right thing to do.