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Anniversaries from a Past Life

(33 Posts)
UkeCan61 Wed 14-Sep-16 09:13:46

I'm feeling a bit emotional. Today would have been my Ruby Wedding Anniversary - if we hadn't got divorced!
My ex husband (RIP) and I split up 20 years ago after 20 years of marriage - well actually I left him as he had a couple of affairs and even though I took him back both times the trust went and eventually the love dwindled. I am now happily remarried to a wonderful man who I love and would trust with my life.
However, today I look back on my first wedding day and remember how happy I was and so full of hope. I was highly pregnant at the time as well and my first baby was born 3 weeks later (the first of 3 children). It's like looking back at someone else's life because now I feel I am a different person through all my good and bad life experiences.
What anniversaries still make you feel emotional?

trisher Wed 14-Sep-16 09:58:00

Just realised today it would have been my Golden wedding anniversary just over a week ago, divorced ages ago. Maybe I'm just less emotional but I tend not to notice the date itself. I do think that it might be nice if I could have done something to celebrate(?) maybe commemorate is better, the date. I agree about being a different person.

Anniebach Wed 14-Sep-16 10:29:18

I try not to think about dates or anniversaries, we only had eight anniversaries before my husband died ,thinking what might have been hurts too much

trisher Wed 14-Sep-16 10:30:54

Aw Anniebach flowers hugs

tanith Wed 14-Sep-16 10:56:23

Doesn't make me emotional but I do remember certain dates in the past, it would of been my ex OH (RIP)birthday last week I did give him a thought during that day and I will give it a passing thought when it would of been 48th anniversary on the 28thof this month our Golden Wedding in 2018. They are good memories even though we divorced after 20yrs and I've been happily married again for 20+yrs to my now OH.

kittylester Wed 14-Sep-16 11:13:00

The anniversaries that get to me are around the time when our 4th child should have been born. I had a missed abortion and eventually miscarried at around 24 weeks. We had 2 more children and I don't consciously think about it but often find I'm a bit down at the end of October.

The other date is in early September - this year it was the 9th anniversary of DS1 having a stroke. He forgot!

Tegan Wed 14-Sep-16 11:49:25

My wedding day was on Christmas Eve so I can never forget it and, yes, it does get to me especially as I'm very good friends with my ex and, in hindsight realise how difficult I must have been to live with [as was he!!!]. My mums birthday is on the Queens so I always thing of her on 21st April. This year I was in the very same part of the hospital where I had my daughter 37 years ago, having tests [which, thankfully proved to show nothing sinister] and being there on that date really upset me.

Maranta Wed 14-Sep-16 11:59:31

I don't find I rember the actual dates of sad times, it's more the changing of the seasons that affect me. Knowing that my husband cannot enjoy the coming summer, or that I have to cope with winter on my own again. But I keep busy!

felice Wed 14-Sep-16 12:31:27

My first husband was a cruel abusive man, I got out and tried to leave that pert of my life behind. For 10 years my Mother sent me an anniversary card on the day of my first wedding, even though I had re-married and had children.
She did it just to be cruel, it was my new husband who had it out with her and finally put a stop to it.

Swanny Wed 14-Sep-16 12:32:59

My wedding day was New Year's Eve and, like Tegan, I can't forget the date even though we are divorced. Thought it was a good idea at the time - out with the old, in with the new life ...

The other anniversary I always remember is my father's death in 1964 in a car accident. It's not that I miss him but that I was sad for my mother being left to cope alone by another person's misdeeds.

To Anniebach and everyone else saddened by thoughts of what might have been ((hugs)) and flowers

notnecessarilywiser Wed 14-Sep-16 12:59:47

Like you, OP, I instigated my divorce (after 25+yrs of marriage) and the date of our wedding anniversary is annually in my consciousness. I tend to think in terms of the 20 happy years we had following the wedding rather than the remaining years which led to the divorce. Makes it a more positive musing, really.

millymouge Wed 14-Sep-16 13:28:47

My sad day that I always remember is 3rd November. That was the date of birth of our stillborn little boy, our first baby. Today it would be classed as medical negligence, but at the time we were told "a shame, but one of those things". We now have three lovely children but I still miss him.

Anniebach Wed 14-Sep-16 14:01:07

What is so strange is the fact my grandson at 24 is older than my husband was when we married , i am in love with a man forty years younger them me but cannot feel any love for him now - don't think that makes sense sorry

Grannyknot Wed 14-Sep-16 14:35:56

It does make sense Annie - you are still in love with someone who never grew old, and you can't feel how it would be to love him now.

flowers to all.

I never remember sad anniversaries, I erase them from my mind. For example we (my brother and sister and I) always remember my mother on what would have been her birth day, rather than the anniversary of her death (although I do remember what year it was, couldn't tell you the date).

UkeCan61 Wed 14-Sep-16 14:58:47

Oh, I didn't expect so many replies! For some they are very sad anniversaries and for others Hey-ho. I might not have thought too much about it if my DH hadn't been away this week. I probably would have just said to him 'Hey it's my Ruby wedding today' and we would have giggled and got on with the day but when you're by yourself things can get to you a bit more.
So sorry for all of you who have sad memories of certain dates flowers xxx

mumofmadboys Wed 14-Sep-16 19:25:17

What a stupid thing your mum did Felice to keep sending wedding anniversary cards after you split! I would of been furious!

Coppernob Thu 15-Sep-16 10:15:25

Even though I have been happily remarried for 20 years, I still find November a difficult month. 8th - first husband's and my wedding anniversary, 11th - Remembrance Sunday (my first husband was a serving RM when he died), 13th - anniversary of first husband's death. Fortunately my second husband is a very understanding man!

Craftycat Thu 15-Sep-16 10:49:46

I do always think fondly about my first husband (with whom I get on very well & still see at family gatherings) on our anniversary. I left him for 2nd husband & I do feel twinges of guilt on that day more than any other.Much as I love DH2 I regret the hurt I caused & always will.

Neversaydie Thu 15-Sep-16 13:08:10

I remember the dates of two miscarriages both more than 25 years ago .I did go on to have much loved second child I wouldn't swap for the world But I do sometimes wonder what those babies might have been like
I always remember my parents birthdays though not so much the anniversaries of their deaths

gillybob Thu 15-Sep-16 13:20:10

I lost my dear grandma on September 11th 2015. She was 99 years old.

She would have been 100 on 6th September this year. Sad days.

Peaseblossom Thu 15-Sep-16 13:21:38

Why on earth would she do that? What a hateful thing to do, especially as your ex-husband was so nasty to you. You'd think she would be glad you found someone else and were now happy.

Peaseblossom Thu 15-Sep-16 13:26:46

I managed to summon up the courage to divorce my husband after 24 years. I've been divorced 20 years now. He was a control freak and I've never regretted it. The problem is the anniversary is on 11 September, a date that's very hard to forget. We would have been married 45 years. If I had my time again I would never get married at 20. I met him when I was 18 and it's far too young.

Jaycee5 Thu 15-Sep-16 14:21:30

My parents never celebrated their wedding anniversary which was on the 8th August which always seemed a bit sad but my father was very unsentimental so I just assumed he didn't want to.
This year, looking at after it popped up, the date is given as the 15th September one year later than they told us. This would have meant that I was the honeymoon baby rather than my older sister. I remember saying to someone as a child once that my sister was born 9 months after my parents were married and she looked at me with a strange look an said 'no she wasn't'.
It is very frustrating because I cannot ask my mother now as she has kept the secret this long but it makes understanding the family dynamic very hard to understand when I thought I had worked out excuses for my father's nastiness towards me (my sister is perfect in every way). It is also possible that it is just a mistake by but I can't be bothered to get a marriage certificate and part of me doesn't want to.
Sorry this has gone a bit off topic. It is just the mention of anniversaries and today's date made me think about my mother never celebrating hers.

Nelliemaggs Thu 15-Sep-16 14:52:38

Oh Felice how horrible of her. My mother was fond of praising my ex and my sister's ex and wondering how we couldn't manage to be happy with them but even she would not have deliberately hurt us like that. So glad you are happy now.

Legs55 Thu 15-Sep-16 15:25:15

Don't remember Anniversaries or Birthdays of my first & second husband - my late DH was the absolute love of my life & we had been together nearly 23 years, married for nearly 21 years when he died. This year was hard as it would have been our Silver Wedding in August. Also I'll never be able to forget his Birthday as DD & her OH celebrated their Civil Partnership on his 69th Birthday.

I don't consciously think about Anniversaries & Birthdays, my DD was born on on my DGD Birthday - I had never thought about that until she was born (he died when I was 16, 9 years before DD was born) brew & cupcake to cheer those of you with sad memories flowers