Help with 'Sortng Out' before move

You could of course give an ultimatum ie:

House Clearance man is coming on 'date' so if there is anything you want or want to take home with you come before that date. I cannot do it all alone.

When you think about it your daughter who is going to help will be with you for a week so you can do a lot in that time.

I know when my son comes here for a week 'to see us' he and his wife go and see friends in the locality for the odd day.
It used to upset me too but I have become used to it now. Better to see them for a few days than not at all.

Another thing. Give yourself a BREAK! It seems that you are still grieving as well as trying to sort out everything. I would not have been in such a rush to move myself.

Another possibility:

I would feel the opposite of helpful visiting someone who is packing with 2 young kids. there is only so long you can distract them before they're gonna try to "help". And if half term is the only time we had earmarked to be together as a full family I would struggle with the idea of leaving them to go and help out alone

Also, I'm afraid I would not be much support to you as I don't feel that sentimental about "stuff" so I would probably annoy you as I would treat it as a practical exercise (like I do when moving my own home) and expect a split second decision re. "pack or bin or charity shop".

A practical suggestions I would offer is if it is a difficult time for you to make decisions about "stuff" pack it into storage for a decision at a later date

Also, another suggestion re whether or not to keep something sentimental: have your camera handy, take a photograph of the item, then you can always look at that rather than keeping bulky items in cupboards or attics…. but as I say, I'm not a keeper of stuff that's not in use...

I think that's a really good idea, notanan, about taking photos.

Good luck Marmight, I'm in a similar position to you but have gradually been disposing of 'stuff' for the past couple of years, although there's still the loft to empty. DH was such a hoarder, bless him...

Agree with notanan's suggestion about photos. I found this useful when downsizing four years ago, digital photography is a wonderful thing, I have a small album with the prints in, interestingly I have never looked at it but it helped a lot initially to know it was there. I also worked out a way to have some sentimental stuff on show without crowding. I kept one item from tea or dinner sets that had belonged to past genertions and, after checking the family had no desire to inherit them, disposed of the rest. They make a nice, but very small, display. As an aside I have also taken photos of the 'stuff' I have kept that has origins with past generations and these are stored in a small album alongside our wills, each is noted with the details of the original owner. That way if the family do decide to keep anything they know where it came from.

If the move itself will be emotional for you
and if you have some savings or cash to do so

would you consider getting a removal firm to do it for you? Put stickers on your everyday essentials to be moved to your new home, and get them to pack the rest away for you into a storage unit.

Then you get to deal with one thing at a time - now: the move. Then once you're settled you can get the stuff from the storage unit and decide what to do with it?

I really feel for you. I had to declutter my mom's house because she had finally decided to move to a bungalow but broke her hip so was in hospital then rehab.

I found it exhausting and very emotional - she'd kept practically everything and I was terrified of throwing away something important (although it was nice when I found the letter I'd written her saying I hadn't been feeling too well - cue pregnancy!)

The only thing that kept me going was the thought that at least I wasn't having to deal with it following a bereavement. That's why I feel for you.

In the end I had to ask my siblings to help out, even though they seemed to think it was my responsibility (for reasons I won't go into).

I really do agree with everyone who is saying that you need to tell your daughters how much this is weighing on you and how emotional it is. Failing that, I will come up there and give you a hand because I think it's heartbreaking what you're going through. (I've recently started decluttering and having a "Use it or lose it" policy because I can't bear the thought of my daughter having to go through all the useless cr*p I've kept for a rainy day).

* marmight* Its a good job that I'm at the other end of the country because you would take up my offer to help. The draw back of that offer would be that you would probably end up with bugger all [ smile] because I love sorting out tut ( that's what most of it is)
It's always been beyond some of the tut that I've seen when helping people.
Why do people have 6 casserole dishes? enough glasses to host a banquet? 15 pairs of trousers that haven't seen the light of day since the flood ? cutlery sets that nobody uses? enough bedding to run a small hotel? etc etc.
My OH jokes that he has to keep moving and look useful otherwise he would be down the tip

A very difficult time for you, and lots of very positive helpful suggestions. I am too far away, in London, to help but if I was closer I would come and help for a day, so much easier if one doesn't have the emotional involvement.

I needed to totally declutter and my goddaughter who was on holiday from university came with her friend for three nights over the New Year. I paid them for 8 hours work a day, fed and housed them and took them into London for New Years Eve. In return they got rid of masses of stuff, they were ruthless, it was wonderful! Stuff from my family, old furniture and books I had for 40 years or more, even from my grandmother, clothes that the charity shop would use but which my lovely goddaughter said that I want allowed to keep (she was right). I now have memories and photos, not out of date furniture and ornaments. Have not missed anything that went, but feel SO much better!

I then read the Marie Kon book on learning to love tidiness and decluttering, Japanese, minimalist, fantastic - and am doing some more!

Don't be too hard on your daughter - she will be with you for several days it sounds, and she has to think of her husband and children. Please don't be jealous of her time with her SIL - family dynamics are always a mystery! Hope it goes well, am sure it will.

Good luck with the move marmight ?
I think the emotion is bound up with clearing the family home, rather than anything else, and you are bound to feel disappointed that the visit is including a jaunt to anywhere else.Remember that our DC still feel that we are their 'rock' rather than the other way around, which is hard sometimes, when we ourselves feel we need some support.Having had so many years of support with your DH around they don't understand the feeling that you are very alone.Be honest with your DD when they return, and let her see that you are affected by leaving your home, don't be too stiff upper lip perhaps.?

Thanks everyone especially for the offers of help. I have had messages from some lovely people offering to arrive on my doorstep and take me in hand for which I am so grateful. It's something I have to work through myself with DDs help. I am waiting for DD1 and family to appear through the snowflakes at any moment. I feel calmer now having spent the week gradually going through stuff and have also arranged for some removal/storage estimates. 2 down 2 to go. The estimators were very reassuring having seen it all before and the 2 DDs in the U.K are arranging to pick up their spoils so I so don't feel quite so panicky. I think everything will gradually slot into place and I have acquired a week's worth of sleeping pills which are at last giving me a good night's kip ?. Onwards and upwards .....

Do you have a deadline? I.e. a sale date or is there still some flexibility? And are you moving nearer DD right away?
Sometimes even a desirable unknown can be challenging you have had such stability in the family home, but it will all be worthwhile I am convinced!