Invited a friend and she's invited a friend - and we share the cost???

Well, I'm wondering what the 'friend of the friend' is like. Personally, if I were that person, I would pay for my own meal and not expect the other two ladies to chip in at all, vouchers or not. Is the original friend just making an assumption?

hmmn....this comes down to being assertive and when I was at work the hardest thing for women of our age to do - say 'no', just 'no' when we don't want to do something. Our company had to put on special women only training (another fault is being timid in asking for something for ourselves, eg pay increase hence the disparity which I believe is around 18% in men's favour to date?). We always add a clause in mitigation or fib for fear of offending, looking mean etc etc. It's hugely liberating and I so admire a friend who was very senior in a £multi million corporation who can do it briskly, with a smile and no one takes offence. She closes any avenue for someone to come back. In this case I'd just say, thanks for the suggestion but the offer was for you only. If you wish to reschedule a date let me know. End of.

In the whole scheme of things is it worth all this worrying.....if you try and change the date then your friend will probably read between the lines and it may result in the friendship "cooling off" a bit in the future. If you consider her a good friend and you think she has made a statement to you about bringing along her friend and using your vouchers without giving it too much thought, then call her up and have a chat on the phone and explain your viewpoint.

But first off, just examine your friendship connection with her a little deeper and once you have decided if you value it (or you don't) then you'll be able to make the best decision on what to do and what to say simply based on that.

I think it is wrong that you are being asked to contribute. I think they should split the cost between the two of them...

Agree with all the above. I assume you don't know your friend's friend very well, if at all. You could say "I think I'll let you spend the day with your friend - you must have a lot to catch up on. We'll leave the meal for another time." I suppose it's more down to thoughtlessness rather than bare-faced cheek on your friend's part, so it would be a shame to cause a rift by saying what you really think!

Be magnanimous,pay the bill yourself.You will never regret it.

I feel the same as others in here. I would rearrange the date for just the two of you. Or ask her friend to pay a third.

You can never know too many people, so the friend may be an assett to you........who knows?

Pay a third of the lunch it will be next to nothing, you may get a new friend or at least a decent lunch and make someone who was kind to you happy.

It may work out differently on the day anyway,I don't suppose the friends are without their sensibilities. Think of it as an investment in future good karma.

Tell her you have already spent the vouchers

Surely the extra guest will be expecting to pay for her own meal though? I bet your friend hasn't even consulted her . It's thoughtless of her to bring someone you don't know along, but that's just how some people are. She was kind when you needed her, which is what counts.

I'd go along with it and enjoy your meal. Who knows, you might just make a new friend.

Wow! Some people are so cheeky! I would respond by saying 'Sorry, not convenient for me. Maybe another time'.

Maybe she's just rubbish at maths/hasn't thought it through? She's your friend and it would be a pity to lose her over this. I'm with Jayanna, put it off till another time. Don't get involved in excuses or lies - not worth it.

Be magnanimous,pay the bill yourself.You will never regret it.

This

I think she is cheeky but you never know when you might need friends.

A bit of a cheek, but she probably didn't think the offer through from your side. Maybe the friend doesn't get out much due to finances, I would just let it go.

I would say it depends on your situation. If you have lots of friends and family around you then decide how much this friend means to you.
If you don't have lots of friends or socialise much then maybe you friend is doing you a favour. You may gain another friend. Maybe this other lady is lonely so your friend thought she would bring her along. Can you chat with your friend, find out what her relationship is like with this other person, how well your friend speaks of her. Then I would decide if I wanted to go or not. If you think you may be left out of the conversation you could always invite another friend along and splitting the bill may become less attractive to all. Bottom line, don't go if you don't want to.

Best idea Kate! as they say - K.I.S.S.

If you feel you cannot cancel, to get round it you could say 'Sorry I already spent the vouchers so I suggest we all pay for our own meal' That way you will not feel resentful. However, if it was me put on the spot like that I would be very cross, especially as you do not know the third person. Not very thoughtful of your friend I don't think. I like to spend my own money on whatever I like, not have others spend it for me.

I would politely say, sorry but because you never responded earlier I have asked antoher friend (or family member) to join me, for the meal, I think she was very rude in making that suggestion anyway & would choke on the food lol, I would rather give the vouchers to a charity who are running a raffle than take her now

Clematisa
You sound a caring and generous person so this is why it may be difficult to put your cards on the table and say outright what you feel about this 'threesome'
It is however YOUR treat between you and your friend and
A.She appears to be taking advantage of your generosity or B.This is the sort of person your friend is and it would not occur to her you might be unhappy about the 'arrangement'.
If you know the exact date of the threesome you could throw a sicky the morning of the lunch OR meet at the restaurant and conveniently!! Oh dear I have left the vouchers in my other bag'??
The true value of the friendship you have with your friend will show by the reaction you get from this.

Oh just share the remaining bill between the three of you and stop fretting. Honestly, life is too short for all this agonising. TBH it sounds a bit mean to be having a flid about one third of the remaining bill after two vouchers have been spent. Or are you peeved about her bringing another friend at all - is that what is getting under your skin?

Thank you all - I do know the friend of the friend, though haven't seen her in many many years! My 2 vouchers are for £10 each (as I'd paid £20 deposit for my Christmas meal but couldn't go due to being at hospital) so not really a cheap place to eat... it's not really about the money though, it was more her presumptuous suggestion that left me at a loss as to how to respond! However I will take on board your helpful suggestions and get back to her with my response.

Depends what your relationship with your friend who took you to hospital is like.
Since she took you to hospital it may be quite good.
So not worth falling out over it in my opinion.

Friends are a mixed bunch. Everyone has their faults.

Even if it all does not turn out well, a third of someone's lunch or whatever it works out as is no big deal really.

If on the other hand, your friend has form for doing this, and you have lots of other friends, it is worth bearing in mind what she has done here, after the day is over.

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Maybe the chance to see "Friend 2" has cropped up for "Friend 1" after she got the invitation from Clematisa and she didn't want to reschedule in case Clematisa was offended, so she thought she'd combine the two (and probably hasn't realised that sharing the bill is a bit much to ask of her host).

Don't waste energy on being offended or thinking up excuses (saying you've already spent the vouchers?! how rude would that be!).

Reschedule and let her have the day with Friend 2.

X post also