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AIBU

I still get irritated by this - AIBU to hate being referred to as a 'girl'...

(280 Posts)
Carolghill Sun 30-Apr-17 17:35:35

Okay. At church today a rather nice chap came up to a friend of mine to say hi. Nice. But he said 'Hi Girls'. My friend is 50 and I'm coming up to 65. I just said nicely - X,,, I am not a girl - I am a woman. He looks nonplussed. He says he means it as a compliment that we look good still!

Hmm.

I pointed out that at almost 65 I am NOT a girl. I am a woman.

He is nice. He just looked surprised. But to me being referred to as 'girl' infantises me, makes me less of an adult, puts me at a lower status ... Yukkity yuk yuk. Have we not achieved anything?!

Sorry. Rant over.

ginny Sun 30-Apr-17 21:57:05

We have 3 DDs all in their 30s. When we refer to them collectively we say "the girls". Not derogatory as they are well aware that we are proud of the women they have become.

Cherrytree59 Sun 30-Apr-17 22:03:34

Faye What is wrong with using the term Ladies?

I would say for example to my DGS
'please open the door for the Lady (or Ladles) Or
'Please open the door for the Gentleman'.

Have I got it wrong after all these years??hmm

Cold Sun 30-Apr-17 22:10:17

Well I heard a child refer to me as an old biddy the other day - so on balance I think I prefer girl

Mapleleaf Sun 30-Apr-17 22:25:14

Oh, my. I don't mind being called "girl". I suppose it depends on the context in which it is being used, but I would say used as a greeting, in a friendly way, is fairly harmless. It's not much different to referring to men as boys - again, it depends on the context in which it is being used. I'll often say to my friend "I wonder what the boys are up to" if they have gone somewhere. It's not said nor meant in a derogatory way. I think we have to use common sense.

Mapleleaf Sun 30-Apr-17 22:35:02

Trisher, with all due respect, you need to grow up. You are quite impertinent to suggest that other people don't have social awareness. Also, it's not necessarily just men who say "girls". Have you never been on "a girls night out" for example. I'm well aware that I'm no longer
A girl and that my OH is no longer a boy. It's a figure of speech, for goodness sake. If you take offence about it, then to quote you in your post "that's fine" but how sad you appear to be.

norose4 Sun 30-Apr-17 22:41:56

You don't mention the approx age of 'old boy ' or was it 'young man ' .perhaps it was because he was young that you took offence or maybe he was much older & you were like girls to him , either way I can't see it as offensive or ageist etc etc

norose4 Sun 30-Apr-17 22:44:30

Or patronising

Marmark1 Sun 30-Apr-17 23:21:10

Trisher needs to get over herself,ridiculous,
And what's wrong with saying ladies then,so maybe we should say,,hey you lot,or whatcha cocker,,or something, surely the main thing is that it's said without malice or rudeness.

Nelliemoser Sun 30-Apr-17 23:36:00

I really don't know about this.
Calling a group of female friends "girls" seems now to be regarded as wrong, ?insulting.
I feel I could say "come on girls" to friends but not "come on "women"!
Do a group of men call themselves "lads"? "boys" as in a "boys night out" But a "women's" night out sounds wrong.

I think people are becoming over sensitive about this.
Maybe a bunch of woman can call themselves "girls" but would object if men called us that.
"Frankly my dear I don't give a damn!"
Just don't ever call me "my dear" angry

Jalima1108 Sun 30-Apr-17 23:42:03

What MawBroon said

Call me what you like as long as you call me

grin

grumppa Sun 30-Apr-17 23:51:19

So as to avoid the slightest possibility of inadvertently giving offence, I shall in future address any gathering of more than one person by saying "Hallo, humans." This will ensure that I am not ageist, sexist, or transgenderist. I will sound like a complete pillock, but that will be a small price to pay.

absent Mon 01-May-17 03:54:39

Context is important. For example, no commentator ever talks about the way the boys play at Wimbledon, but the women are still sometimes called girls. I think that implies that the commentator considers the men's tennis more important than the women's.

hondagirl Mon 01-May-17 05:50:58

I have a group of lady friends and we meet up on a regular basis for our Golden Girls lunch.

PRINTMISS Mon 01-May-17 06:56:54

Well,regarding the O.P I think the young man sounded very nice. I have no objection to being called 'girl', although the men at the bowls club are inclined to refer to me as 'young ladyconfused' My mum in her middle eighties always went out with the girls. Really doesn't matter to me, as long as someone is being well mannered.

Anya Mon 01-May-17 07:42:40

For heavens sake haven't the OP got more important things to moan about? Sounds like a right 'old woman'!

I go out with the 'girls' (my choice of phrase)

Anya Mon 01-May-17 07:43:31

Grumppa grin

Christinefrance Mon 01-May-17 08:35:45

Grumppa grin

Anya Mon 01-May-17 08:40:45

And can I thank you Grumppa for (once again) holding a mirror up to the ridiculous and making me LOL this morning.

GracesGranMK2 Mon 01-May-17 08:44:01

It certainly makes me form an opinion of the person saying it Carol, and not a particularly complimentary onesmile

nightowl Mon 01-May-17 08:47:51

I agree with absent, context is important. This was seen as important by 60's and 70's feminists (wimmin!) along with other symbols of women's oppression - such as bras, make up, high heels etc. This tends to be ridiculed now but only by those who forget how much oppression and infantilising of women there was, and how far we have come. So I think it's natural that we have become more relaxed about saying things like 'going out with the girls' but equally it does no harm to remember that language is important.

I think if I had a similar experience to the OP I would try to pass it off with humour, and say something like 'well that's very kind of you but it's a long time since I was a girl'.

Faye Mon 01-May-17 08:48:51

Cherry I prefer woman to lady because woman sounds like an adult. Lady to me is an old fashioned way to say woman. I would only use it to say Ladies and Gentlemen.

I think I am an easy going type of woman smile if men don't put the toilet seat down I don't mind but don't get me started on Miss. I don't understand a woman over the age of eighteen wanting to be called Miss ..... Ms or Mrs, take your pick but Miss sounds like a girl and is like addressing a boy as Master on an envelope.

I wouldn't tell anyone off for addressing me by the wrong title except for the BT woman who insisted I had to have my bill addressed to me as Miss.... confused

Marmark1 Mon 01-May-17 08:49:11

Maybe Absent,and it's Humans like you that make us capable happy in our skins women appear weak vulnerable needy wingers

MawBroon Mon 01-May-17 09:00:54

grumppa gringrin

Oh how often is the short and simple answer to AIBU?

just "Yes"

GracesGranMK2 Mon 01-May-17 09:07:28

Only if you believe your opinion is the only right one Maw.

thatbags Mon 01-May-17 09:17:57

In purely financial terms, absent, I believe the men's tennis at Wimbledon is more important as in bringing in more dosh. It's a pity this is so but reality is reality.