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AIBU

I still get irritated by this - AIBU to hate being referred to as a 'girl'...

(280 Posts)
Carolghill Sun 30-Apr-17 17:35:35

Okay. At church today a rather nice chap came up to a friend of mine to say hi. Nice. But he said 'Hi Girls'. My friend is 50 and I'm coming up to 65. I just said nicely - X,,, I am not a girl - I am a woman. He looks nonplussed. He says he means it as a compliment that we look good still!

Hmm.

I pointed out that at almost 65 I am NOT a girl. I am a woman.

He is nice. He just looked surprised. But to me being referred to as 'girl' infantises me, makes me less of an adult, puts me at a lower status ... Yukkity yuk yuk. Have we not achieved anything?!

Sorry. Rant over.

thatbags Mon 01-May-17 09:20:08

I think I felt like a girl for quite a few years after I was officially a woman.

Aren't some female Wimbledon tennis players actually girls, as far as age goes, anyway?

GracesGranMK2 Mon 01-May-17 09:20:10

And that couldn't be because the prizes are higher so they draw on a larger number of men making that part of the competition more "exciting". What would happen bags, if they paid them both the same I wonder.

thatbags Mon 01-May-17 09:20:56

Disclaimer: don't have a telly, don't watch, just asking.

thatbags Mon 01-May-17 09:23:26

Interesting idea, GG2. One can argue though that the men actually do work harder than the women—more sets for a start. If women did five set matches and drew crowds as big, then they certainly should get paid the same.

thatbags Mon 01-May-17 09:24:32

When I did watch a bit of telly, I always thought men's tennis was more exciting than women's. That's a money spinner too.

thatbags Mon 01-May-17 09:27:57

Isn't it prize money rather than "pay"? Again, just asking, because that makes a difference.

trisher Mon 01-May-17 09:37:19

Isn't it interesting that so many of you feel it is OK for men to say things to you that devalue and infantilise you but don't like (in fact take huge offence) when someone points this out. It is a fact that women are devalued by being called girls- in tennis as with other things.
As I said I have no objection to any of you calling yourselves and your friends 'girls' but for goodness sake do realise that it is part of a culture that sees age as something to avoid and that youth is the best you can aspire to.
And yes I make no apologies for being concerned that women have made so many strides in equality but continue to be paid less and valued less than men and I recognise the role language has to play in this. Why so many of you find this so offensive I have no idea. All I can think is that I have touched a nerve that many of you recognise but choose not to acknowledge. I've a feeling that like the Romans if you don't like the message you kill the messenger.

MawBroon Mon 01-May-17 09:41:35

Don't most people believe their opinion is the "right" one GracesGranMk2 ?

There are often bigger fish to fry, more important battles to be fought.
I just believe in being more selective.

thatbags Mon 01-May-17 09:46:14

Arguing a case isn't taking offence, Trisher.

NameChange2016 Mon 01-May-17 09:48:03

I completely agree Carolghill. Really patronising and old-fashioned. Good for you for challenging him.

Mauriherb Mon 01-May-17 09:49:59

I'm not too bothered about being called a girl but my friend and I recently went into a restaurant and the waitress kept calling us "you guys" . She was very young and we both felt it was inappropriate.

TriciaF Mon 01-May-17 09:52:28

Infantilise? Remember Shakespeare's 7 ages of Man, we're all heading towards our 2nd childhood (if we last that long.)
genius.com/William-shakespeare-the-seven-ages-of-man-all-the-worlds-a-stage-annotated

trisher Mon 01-May-17 09:55:21

thatbags no objection to anyone arguing their case, however why is it necessary to post
Trisher, with all due respect, you need to grow up.
Is that arguing a case or just being offended? Could find more but can't be bothered to go through all the posts.

Dee Mon 01-May-17 09:58:20

Language is so important but so is the context in which it is used.
In my northern town everybody calls each other 'love' and its not remotely patronising but I wouldn't use it elsewhere.
We've been having this ladies/women/girls debate in my Growing Old Disgracefully group and most of us agree that our preferred term is 'women' but there are situations in which it sounds plain wrong.
I think its important to pick up the other non verbal clues before reacting as Carolghill did, we weren't there so she may well have done this and reacted appropriately. I certainly know when I'm being patronised and call people out for it.

Struggling2do1 Mon 01-May-17 10:00:24

I used to be very hung up on language and being PC. Since retirement I have realised that life is too short to take offence at what is usually said by someone who is not aware that it may not be PC. Live and let live. I bet this poor chap had no idea that calling you girls would cause offence.

Sundancer123 Mon 01-May-17 10:02:03

I'm still an Essex 'girl' and I'm approaching at a gallop, 71!

Craicon Mon 01-May-17 10:07:27

trisher the only person choosing to feel offended by this thread appears to be you. Personally, I couldn't care less about your blinkered approach to language.
Assigning a feminist slant to everything is fairly tedious and ultimately, will prove incorrect in numerous instances.

Over here, a group of people are always referred to as 'lads' regardless of age or gender. The biggest difference though, is that people are naturally of a happier disposition and less likely to act smugly superior which I find rather refreshing.

lesley4357 Mon 01-May-17 10:08:41

Trisher you're my new hero. Totally agree with what you say. I hate being called a girl and will always counter with a smile "it's a long time since I was a girl ". Language matters

henetha Mon 01-May-17 10:09:10

I'm a founder member of our local GLC.. Girls Lunch Club.
And we are all over 70. We quite like being girls really.
So,no it doesn't bother me at all. I like being called anything that is friendly and well meant.

Rosieroe Mon 01-May-17 10:11:33

I feel more patronised by Trisher's rant telling us that we are not 'socially aware' if we refuse to be offended by a friendly greeting of 'Hello girls' than the actual greeting could ever do.

starlily106 Mon 01-May-17 10:12:26

I am almost 80, and I wouldn't be at all offended by what people called me, as long as I knew it wasn't meant in a nasty way.

radicalnan Mon 01-May-17 10:16:02

Poor chap! Isn't it bad manners to make someone feel embarassed like that? It isn't really patronising is it, common parlance and at least he spoke to you..not long from now you may find yourself completely invisible to men. No wonder so many older people are thought to be lonely, if they begin to screen people out on a word by word basis. would you have been happier with 'Ladies' (sound a bit like a toilet) or just hello.......not sure what he did to be honest.........I am pleased when someone takes the time to talk and he seems to have meant well.

Hope you didn't put him off chatting to other people.

thatbags Mon 01-May-17 10:16:16

I've no idea why someone told you it was necessary for you to grow up, Trisher. I can guess and tell you guess, if you like.

Why are you asking me in particular?

thatbags Mon 01-May-17 10:16:57

Hear, hear, Rosieroe and radical.

thatbags Mon 01-May-17 10:17:22

*tell you my guess