Firslty nellie so many congratulations for being honest with yourself and daring to share your situation. Huge pat on the back coming your way.
I’m not sure how things are on a practical level, if your home is a bit out of control then start small, don’t try to do it all at once. A positives notebook can help, so jot down everything, no matter how small, that has been good in a day. Anything from hearing birdsong to cleaning the kitchen worktop, anything enjoyable or an achievement, then look over it at the end of the day and be proud of yourself, it also helps if you have one of those ‘it’s been a dreadful day/week’ moments to see it wasnt all bad.
Have you cut yourself off from people? If so dipping a toe back into family or friends can help. Going out each day, whether for a walk or to a shop for a purpose it doesn’t matter. The exercise helps stabilise mood and it’s an opportunity to say a good morning to others. I know it sounds daft but if you smile at people most smile back. Take time to do your hair and makeup if you use it, looking what my Mum used to call tidy helps too.
Those sorts of things can help. For myself I find mindfulness really useful to calm my mind, stop the washing machine whirl it gets into. The only thing I would say is when you begin you may need to suspend disbelief for a while.
There are so many things you could try, I don’t know what you have tried already so won’t go on. It’s important to remember we are all individuals, what works for one doesn’t for another, so if something isn’t helpful then try to think of it as something learned, not failure.
Please don’t exhaust yourself, little changes stick better than big ones. I hope you feel more comfortable with yourself soon and send my very best wishes. Keep talking here if it helps, be lovely to know how things are going for you, .