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AIBU

Nippy mother

(39 Posts)
meandashy Wed 03-May-17 10:39:23

I walk to school with a mother most days. We've become friendly but not best friends. She's a similar age (I'm 44 & grandma, she's late 40's & a mum).
A few months ago I noticed an atmosphere between us. This started after I struck up a friendship with another mum at the school.
Mum no 1 posted a scathing attack on fb clearly aimed at me so the next day I had it out with her. She claimed she thought she'd upset me & the fb rant wasn't about me. It was all very infantile! I told her very clearly if I had something to say I'm more than capable of doing so. I thought that was the end & things went back to normal.
Last week I was having a really tough time with dgd. She knew this. I sent a text saying I wasn't going to the school fri & I'd see her this week, just out of courtesy.
Her response was 'have I upset you & dd?'
I was incredulous! I replied NOT THIS AGAIN!! Clearly you don't know me!
I haven't been at the school since but she has obviously blanked my dd who openly said hello, & mum no2 who are nothing at all to do with any of this!
Aibu to have this out with her??
I have done nothing at all to provoke this reaction from her. She's paranoid beyond belief.

tanith Wed 03-May-17 10:52:00

hmm all sounds very infantile to me why not keep yourself to yourself and don't get involved in childish school playground politics. politics.

Elegran Wed 03-May-17 11:01:04

You sounded fairly nippy yourself, meanashy when you responded "NOT THIS AGAIN!!" to being asked whether she had upset you (again) after your "having it out with her" over an earlier FB post which may indeed have been nothing to do with you. Are you normally so volatile?

The previous episode was months ago and had been sorted out, but if she felt you were still sensitive about it, maybe she was just making sure that all was well between you? Perhaps a better answer might have been "No, you have done nothing. It is just circumstances."

meandashy Wed 03-May-17 11:09:37

I just cannot see what or why she thinks I'm upset! I had arranged coffee with her the day before so was completely baffled.
I really am having a hard time with dge and had shared this with her.
I think you're right tanith I'm going to keep myself to myself.

Elegran Wed 03-May-17 11:16:47

So tell her you aren't upset with HER, just a bit botheted by things with your granddaughter!

meandashy Wed 03-May-17 11:30:07

I did elegran.
When I asked why she felt like this she didn't have an explanation. It's draining tiptoeing around someone in case you say something they could misconstrue.
After the first incident she accused me of discussing the it with a friend of mine who then blocked her on fb! None of that happened!

meandashy Wed 03-May-17 11:31:30

'Discussing the first'..... stupid auto correct!

thatbags Wed 03-May-17 12:18:09

Perhaps she thinks you are a rather upsettable type and thinks she has to tiptoe around you.

Elegran Wed 03-May-17 12:50:37

Perhaps she too feels that, " It's draining tiptoeing around someone in case you say something they could misconstrue." and between you a molehill has been turned into a mountain?

meandashy Wed 03-May-17 12:52:11

I'm not in the habit of falling out with people. Most of my friends are long standing, oldest friendship is 40+ yrs.
I have asked her why and she's choosing not to explain.
I need all my energy for dgd, not playground politics

Elegran Wed 03-May-17 12:53:33

Let it go, then.

meandashy Wed 03-May-17 13:02:16

I've never before had an acquaintance that needed regularly reassuring as to whether we've fallen out elegran. This is something I have no experience with and have no clue how to deal with.
Maybe I didn't react favourably by saying not this again but without going into great detail things are more stressful than they've ever been & the last thing I needed was a problem where there wasn't one.
I had spoken with her the day before, we'd arranged to meet for coffee, hardly the actions of someone who's fallen out with someone.
I've definitely learnt a lesson. Thanks for your honesty gransnetters 🌹

Luckygirl Wed 03-May-17 13:05:21

Stay out of it - just be polite when you see her, but engage in nothing further. In the final analysis it matters not one whit what she might think about you and, as you say, you need to concentrate on your DGD and revel in the joy of being such an important part of her life.

Flowerofthewest Wed 03-May-17 13:06:58

Handbags at dawn. How childish. Playground sniping. Just go your own ways

harrigran Wed 03-May-17 13:19:06

Do not share your problems with others at the school gate, recipe for trouble. This woman may then post about you on fb.
If you are old enough to be a GP then you should be mature enough to walk away from this woman.

fiorentina51 Wed 03-May-17 16:14:52

For what it's worth, I feel that FB is the work of the devil.
Many an argument has been fuelled by a badly thought out post.

Mapleleaf Wed 03-May-17 16:57:35

I,too, think Facebook has a lot to answer for, or rather the way in which it often seems to be used. Things seem to be posted in the heat of the moment and can then result in bad feeling. It probably has its positive uses but I personally wouldn't touch it with a barge pole. I've managed this long without it, I don't see me being a convert.grin

vampirequeen Wed 03-May-17 19:13:00

Due to experiences in my past I have developed a personality disorder. Part of this means I find it very easy to take the blame for anything and everything. DH says that 'Sorry' seems to be my favourite word.

Perhaps the lady is similar to me and that's why she worries that she's offended you in some way.

If you snap at her then that will reinforce her belief that she's upset you and will start a vicious circle.

LoobyLoo33 Thu 04-May-17 10:03:48

Save your energy for positive things and just let this go. You can't change people so in her case, why bother trying to fathom out the deep recesses of her mind every time something is misunderstood?

fitwell Thu 04-May-17 10:04:15

I had a similar experience with a colleague at work who out of the blue started to ignore me whereas previously we had been very friendly. I felt really uncomfortable and had no idea what, if anything I had done to offend her. I eventually found out form her that I had not behaved as a friend should as I had spoken to someone, who had returned to the workplace after an absence of a couple of years, who she hated , unfortunately I do not have telepathic powers so was completely flummoxed by her attitude

icanhandthemback Thu 04-May-17 10:09:17

At least she asked you if there was a problem rather than worrying herself sick about it and getting it out of proportion. If she lacks a bit of confidence, for whatever reason, quite frankly she doesn't need a 'friend' like you who snaps at her when she dares to ask as she sounds like she does suffer from low self-esteem. It sounds from your posts (which doesn't mean it is how it is) like you think it is ok for you to be stressed and tackle issues but she isn't given the same courtesy. I hope you sort your problems out with your DGD though.

jefm Thu 04-May-17 10:21:13

Hi, you do sound stressed in your blogs, I really hope things will settle down for you. Unless you feel you have lost a really good friend, it sounds as though it might be better for you to smile when you see her, have a polite hello but really keep your distance. If she is a friend worth staying in there for it might be different but even then we have to take decisions about whether someone Zapps us with energy that is positive or Sapps us and drains it away. Good luck in solving your own problems give yourself some me time to do that . Best

grannygranby Thu 04-May-17 10:23:04

Look I just think you need a 🤗
It's a long time ago since i experienced the politics of the school gates but remember how punishing they were and what power games were played. It's hard. You want to be friendly and open and sociable and garnish support when needed but can suddenly find yourself in unknown dark waters. I fully sympathise and if you hold your cool it will get better flowers

ajanela Thu 04-May-17 10:23:31

Thank you Vampirequeen for your post.

With all the hype in the media and the support of the Royals I hope we are all becoming aware of the thousands of people coping with mental health problems and trying to live a normal life. One figure that surprised me is that 1.1% world wide have schizophrenia, with 220,000 in England and Wales most living and working in the community. People being diagnosed on the autistic spectrum is increasing and I was listening to a radio 4 programme saying ADHD could develop in adulthood.

So when we come across difficult communication problems let's stop and think is this person coping with a mental health problem. Broken legs get sympathy and we don't expect people to walk on them so let's be understanding about broken brains which also need support healing.

JanaNana Thu 04-May-17 10:42:25

This sounds to me that the mum you walk to school with has become a bit jealous over the friendship you have made with someone else. Also she sounds like an attention seeker. Think you may have to cool this friendship with her a little . Although as you walk to school together this is probably easier said than done. If she makes you feel like you are walking on eggshells and explain yourself (even via texts) all the time is this really a friendship? A friend should make you feel better than this. Hope you find a way of resolving all this without any further problems from her.