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AIBU

Nippy mother

(40 Posts)
meandashy Wed 03-May-17 10:39:23

I walk to school with a mother most days. We've become friendly but not best friends. She's a similar age (I'm 44 & grandma, she's late 40's & a mum).
A few months ago I noticed an atmosphere between us. This started after I struck up a friendship with another mum at the school.
Mum no 1 posted a scathing attack on fb clearly aimed at me so the next day I had it out with her. She claimed she thought she'd upset me & the fb rant wasn't about me. It was all very infantile! I told her very clearly if I had something to say I'm more than capable of doing so. I thought that was the end & things went back to normal.
Last week I was having a really tough time with dgd. She knew this. I sent a text saying I wasn't going to the school fri & I'd see her this week, just out of courtesy.
Her response was 'have I upset you & dd?'
I was incredulous! I replied NOT THIS AGAIN!! Clearly you don't know me!
I haven't been at the school since but she has obviously blanked my dd who openly said hello, & mum no2 who are nothing at all to do with any of this!
Aibu to have this out with her??
I have done nothing at all to provoke this reaction from her. She's paranoid beyond belief.

Tessa101 Thu 04-May-17 10:44:57

Meandashy.... seems to much like hard work to me, friendships are supposed to add something to your life.Ive had friends like that, I've just withdrew and gone my own way.Shes to needy.Just don't waste your time and energy on her.

Longdistancegrnny Thu 04-May-17 11:36:59

Have you thought that maybe there is something bad going on in her life, that has nothing to do with you? I say this because I used to walk to school with another mother (many moons ago!) whose kids were the same age as mine, and for about 3 or 4 days she seemed to be trying to avoid me, then I discovered that her husband had left her! All mended in a few weeeks with her DH and with her and I - we are still friends 20 years on!

sarahellenwhitney Thu 04-May-17 13:39:05

I agree with Tanith
A polite hello nice day to other mums, and, unless your own kith and kin is a bosom friend with one specific other then keep it that way.Least said soonest mended.

Direne3 Thu 04-May-17 14:21:05

Possibly everyone should learn to distinguish the difference between a friend and a good acquaintance as, with the words love and hero, I feel that the term friend is often misappropriated.

W11girl Thu 04-May-17 14:57:27

Here, here Tanith. Facebook has a lot to answer for..... people venting their spleens etc...!

Bez1989 Thu 04-May-17 15:25:28

MEANDASHY. ....maybe ignore FB and don't go looking on there at all.
I think people write things on FB that they wouldn't say to to ones face so best ignore.
Just my opinion. sunshine

starbird Thu 04-May-17 15:39:40

I would guess that this acquaintance lacks self confidence. She appears quick to jump to the conclusion that things are to do with her. Maybe she has a hard time as an older mum (is this her first child?) and she does not fit in with the other younger mothers. Perhaps she is desperate to kedp your friendship because she is lonely.

However such friends can be very draining, and if you need all your energy for gc, perhaps you can somehow let her know that, without giving her any ammunition for gossip, and if possible without hurting her feelings. The most important thing now is getting to the bottom of your gc behaviour and helping her through it.

coxie Thu 04-May-17 16:57:16

Quite agree with ajanela and vampirequeen, sounds like she may have a bit of post natal depression or mood disorder or something, in which case doctor's advice would be to "check out" any distressing/intrusive thoughts with people, just like she has done.
Seems like there are 2 camps on this thread, some people understand and are sympathetic while others find it peculiar or "attention seeking".
For what it's worth I would think a bit of gentle tolerance would be kind, even if you don't want to be involved any more. People don't choose to be ill and after all it is 1 in 4 of us at any time struggling with mental illnesses, could happen to any of us.
Hope you get your own problems sorted soon, must be very hard.

GrammaH Thu 04-May-17 22:10:30

Very interested to read the piece about gardeners, in particular the prices. My DH is a gardener & charges between £15 & £20 per hour, depending on the job. It's very much the going rate here in Shropshire & I'm amazed that people can afford do it for less, unless they don't have a vehicle & always use clients' own tools. The price certainly doesn't put people off & he has more clients than he knows what to do with.

GrammaH Thu 04-May-17 22:12:39

Oops, sorry, quite the wrong place for this. Not sure how that happened, apologies to all...!

PRINTMISS Fri 05-May-17 08:10:57

Great way to change the subject, though!

Barmyoldbat Fri 05-May-17 09:53:22

So not really a friend. Just forget her, block her on fb and keep yourself to yourself at the school, it's a minefield. Life is to short.

AlgeswifeVal Fri 05-May-17 16:36:47

Meandashy, just ask yourself this question, Is she important in my life, if the answer is No, then don't worry or bother with her.
Find another friend this friendship seems doomed for the scrap heap sooner or later anyway.

Chris1603 Fri 05-May-17 17:21:58

I suggest you be pleasant and polite to her and all the others at the school gate. Keep her at arms length and don't explain your actions, you don't owe her that. Don't text and block her on FB. If you get asked why? say you are too busy with DGD and don't have time. She needs to respect your decision. She can move on and so can you.

If she has an illness/disorder she needs to be encouraged to operate within the social boundaries the rest of us do.

Find another friend or better, friends. xx