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AIBU feel frustrated with husband....

(63 Posts)
icbn2802 Tue 15-Aug-17 13:13:54

Husband has always been a hard worker. Would never take that away from him & credit where credit's due, would always do anything to help anyone when they need or ask. I'm left feeling like I am being unreasonable when I still inwardly get so frustrated with him. He just seems to have little or no interest in our home or it's upkeep. I know he's a blue ar$e fly a lot of the time & I don't want to put him down but when I start on about the state of the place, I'm not exaggerating it is a dump, desperately in need of some TLC "everywhere" he just says "as long as I can get into my bed at night" nothing else matters. He says the welfare of all those he loves is all that matters and he just "doesn't notice" the cobwebs, the mould, the disintegrating ancient carpets etc etc but it's driving me mad and there's no escape from it.
AIBU to feel so unhappy??

BlueBelle Wed 16-Aug-17 17:38:11

I do everything myself or else I have to get a trademan in or my grandson a young teen will get pocket money for some jobs
I think the idea of asking the adults who you do childcare for may be a good idea to see if they can help
And definitely one room at a time do get rid of mouldy carpets nothing worse
If you were to start and ask your husband for help would he actually refuse ? That may be the way forward start the job then ask him to help you

goldengirl Wed 16-Aug-17 17:41:49

I wish I could get on and do DIY myself but I'm having mobility problems which don't help one little bit though I used to do bits and bobs. I did suggest a skip but that went down like a lead balloon or rather he went off like a hand grenade. He's great with the GC but is just not interested in having a nice home. We both work and have the GC a fair bit but I do manage the cobwebs though the problem there is that the spiders seem to wait until I've wrecked them and then do a complete rebuild with extension!!! Hey ho! I guess we made our bed etc..........

SandraK Wed 16-Aug-17 17:57:52

icbn2802 I understand how frustrated you feel, it is awful when you hate your surroundings and want to sort them out but are limited by time and funds. If your DH is working so hard then you can't expect him to do too much. My other half is totally useless at anything in the house other than ironing! He even managed to break the hoover. I find it easier to do everything myself in the long run. Sounds like you are pretty busy yourself too. If you are babysitting, why can't your daughter and son-in-law help with some of the decorating or cleaning at the weekend? You help them a lot, it's the least they can do. I agree with what everyone else has said about clearing the mould - a lot of which can be due to condensation if you haven't the right ventilation or are airing clothes indoors. Anti-mould paint is good and so is bleach. Freecycle gives you loads of stuff for nothing, just keep a look out and carpets, rugs, furnishings, all sorts are up for grabs frequently. You can make a lot of changes with minimum outlay. As for dirt and cobwebs - that's definitely down to you and there's no need at all for them to be there! DH probably does care, but men don't see mess like we do! The only houseproud ones I know are absolute fusspots and I wouldn't want to live with them! Sounds like you've got a reliable and hardworking man and once you start to make changes, you'll probably get him on board. Best of luck to you anyway. Main bit of advice: don't tackle it all at once, like everyone says, do one room at a time and declutter as much as you can. The main thing is to have a happy home.

stevej4491 Wed 16-Aug-17 19:26:30

Dont knock him dear ,my late husband(passed away ten years yesterday) was just the same . Go with the flow,he wont change ,believe me.

Shizam Thu 17-Aug-17 00:27:45

Absolutely his attention and focus should be on you and your home. Tell him this is a warning sign that he is not focusing. Have had it here...

Granarchist Thu 17-Aug-17 08:21:05

Love the link to the recycling centre - I put in postcode and the nearest one is in Liverpool - (I love a couple of hundred miles away!!!!)

loopyloo Thu 17-Aug-17 08:58:38

He is a man, they see things differently. I have come to that conclusion. A man who does not moan about the state of the place is better than than a fussy one who is always criticising.
Do you have a friend who could come and help tackle one room?
Are you all right in yourself? Sometimes my DH drives me up the wall and it's because I am below par for some reason.

IngeJones Thu 17-Aug-17 09:45:51

Loopyloo never a wiser word about which type of husband is better. I knew a woman with a pernickety husband and she ended up with all sorts of mental health problems.

FarNorth Thu 17-Aug-17 14:22:09

"Hence he was surplus to requirements and is now my ex." grin

pengwen Mon 21-Aug-17 13:29:05

I love my husband very much but if he did not want to do things it would be a waste of time trying,he would get angry if I tried to do it (we both have health problems) and does not want any one else in to help,either paid or family /friends helping out.(Like most of us we do not have much to spare)
So slowly I persevere ,doing a little at a time and accepting what we can do.A friend said to me 'Make haste slowly' and that is what I am trying to do.

Pensionista1 Mon 28-Aug-17 14:19:16

Stevej4491........Going with the flow is for dead fish only. He would be a much happier chappie if he considered his wifes feelings first, because she would be sooooo nice to him afterwards because it would make her feel valued. Men don't get it that women go by their feelings They could muck in together, mold is not healthy and it's not like she's asking for the ruddy moon.

NanKate Mon 28-Aug-17 14:39:05

Just a suggestion but could you tell him that even though you have asked for his help nothing is happening, so you have decided bit by bit to do what you can yourself, however you will not have time for cooking, ironing, housework etc so he can either take on those roles or you can live off sandwiches and show him how to use the toaster etc whilst you turn your hand to improving the look of the house.