.. to feel uncomfortable bout this book loan ..

devongirl, I fully understand your dilemma.

I'd feel a bit uncomfortable too passing on a book to my daughter if it had steamy sex scenes in it! What would she think of her mother!

I'd much rather she found such book herself. I don't consider myself a prude but if I stop to think that my mother and father had an active sex life I feel slightly squeamish!

My problem, I know.

Has the book been lent yet? I'd not actively offer it as a good read, but leave it in a pile of books so that your granddaughter can borrow it if she wants to. Makes it not so personal?

Is it in fact a good book/read? Would you recommend it in general?
If it's worth reading then I would pass it on to her if this is what you generally do. Perhaps with the lighthearted comment about it's steaminess, above.
not that I want to know the title, oh no

You would be hard put these days to find anything contemporary that does not have a steamy scene or two. I think the young are inured to this in a way we were not. My mother was an Irish Catholic and very 'buttoned up'. She never mentioned sex at all and a bit of her prudishness has rubbed off on me. Still, things are different now. My DD will discuss anything and everything that makes me blush.

Having read through this thread, I get the feeling the OP isn't that happy in her relationship with her OH. Is she looking for an excuse to end the relationship? My experience of "men of the cloth" is that they have seen and heard just about everything and are not shocked by something which may shock others. As he will be aware of her interest in literature he probably just thought this was a book she would enjoy. Is the OP assuming something which just isn't there?

W11girl you have missed the point.

I think perhaps you may be a bit out of touch with the modern world, and I am a bit concerned that if you suggest that it is not appropriate on the grounds that he is an older man lending to a younger girl, he might start to wonder if you trust him, and it could ruin your friendship. Really, on its own, it is not that big a deal, at the least you may be gently laughed at, at worst, it could bring suspicion into your relationship with both your friend and DD.

I do however understand how you feel - how about, as you now have the book, why not offer it to your DD yourself and say, jokingly, when passing it over, that it contains an X rated passage. You will then be able to guage her reaction.

You're being a prude!
...she is 24 ...not a child.
My son and I share numerous books on all types of subjects and neither of us are tainted by them.
Its part of human life...and opens one's mind to life as we know it.
Your other half is not being disrespectful.

Well it depends. A young woman gave me a box of books as she was decluttering. There were a couple of slim paperbacks ne about anal and the other about oral sex. I had a read but found it a bit yeuk really?? but then I am in my sixties.

A hug from me devongirl, I'd feel the same ...

I think I see exactly where you come from Devongirl. Hard to put one's finger on it but...it's beyond openly admitting both of them know the other has a sexual life and just a step short of openly discussing it. I think you might suggest to your OH to perhaps skip swapping this one and if he asks why read that scene out loud to him.

Just sending hugs to you devongirl.

devongirl I totally get where you're coming from ..... It's just sort of an uncomfortable feeling. Makes no sense but know what you mean! And I like to think I'm broad minded!
As you said "yuk" !

Devongirl I totally understand where you are coming from and I would feel exactly the same. It has nothing to do with her age or her education or her reading ability, what it has to do with is the fact it is so discriptive and it was offered to her by a male that is close to her and has been since a child. I would feel very uneasy about him offereing it to her and I would ask him not to.You could always read it first then say to her I've just read a good book that you maybe interested in reading, that way it comes from you not him.Im with you all the way on this one.

A bit yukky maybe but nothing morally wrong. She's 24 and could have been legally enjoying sex herself for the last 8 years.

Thank you fluff; I have used an extract from your post to email to my OH; if he comes to visit as usual on Saturday we can discuss things.

Madgran77 that's not the point at all, it's not just "2 adults swapping books", if it was another adult who was her peer or female, I would have no problem, though I might with a much older man, not sure but it's irrelevant here because it's not just another adult.

PS If your DH and DD are constantly lending books from a book club I would think this isn't the first time there have been erotic passages, are you going to vet all the books he lends her from now on?

As a book-loving type I always appreciate the loan of books. When I was a bit younger than your DD an acquaintance of mine in his late 50s, who was a fiercely intellectual, scholarly man, gave me the run of his extensive library because he knew that my family had little money. Some of those books were definitely on the racy side, but they were also wonderfully written and literary. Were it not for him, I would not have discovered Lawrence Durrell, Kundera, Bulgakov, Nabokov, Zola and a whole range of others. I owe him a debt of gratitude, because he encouraged me and was the first adult who respected my mind and treated me as a fellow scholar. There was nothing sinister or creepy about someone recognising a kindred mind and sharing their love of literature. I am sorry, but I feel that the problem here is with the world-view of the OP. That is not to deny the validity of the OP's feelings, but to suggest that she perhaps thinks carefully about and explores the reasoning behind these feelings and where they come from in her own history. And I too am curious as to the book title - if it is a well-written novella, I would love to have a look at it!

Your daughter is an adult! I do not understand your concern really! His age I irrelevant to me. Its just 2 adults swapping books!

Hmm I can agree with many of the postings about this from both points of view, I also wondered whether you might be feeling uncomfortable and a little embarrassed at your daughter knowing that you have read and enjoyed this book? Whatever , I do think that you should talk to your OH and reassure him that you don't in any way feel that he meant anything untoward by it, it's just that it doesn't sit right with you, I'm sure that if you are careful to put it the right way he will understand and respect your wishes.

Our last book club read was Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov which is a beautifully written novel and in the top 10 classic on most book lists. But basically it is about Paedophilia and rape all the way through. Not sure if it is on the A level reading list but definately the first year of a degree in English literature. I couldn't finish it as I was so horrified but the writing was beautiful and there ae hidden themes which I learnt about in the discussion.

So I don't think you DD will be shocked and you have no worries. Maybe amused that her parents were still interested in such things!

Is the book by an author who has written several books? If so perhaps you could have a conversation with your GD first and ask if she has read any other books by the author. My daughter had a spell when she read a great many Mills & Boon books - I remember my Mum having some of these when I was younger but I am sure the much more graphic content and details in the modern M&B books were never in those, what is acceptable in books today is far removed from those on general sale when we were younger - have you read/seen 50 Shades of Grey? If you really don't feel comfortable with passing this book on to your GD then why don't you tell your DH so?

when in dought do nothing

I think you are worrying too much. What would you do if you were all at an art exhibition and there were erotic pictures? You would presume to put your hands over her eyes surely?

She is an educated adult.

We are all agog now to know which book this is and if you tell us, we will all send hugs...........not that we don't routinely because life is bloody tricky at the best of times...........but really, you do need to relax on this one and share the title.

I am sure a 24 year old has read everything by now..... but I am old and need an aide memoire......possibly an update........

I am a big believer in instinct and if this doesn't sit easy with you devongirl - for whatever reason - then go with your instinct. It doesn't feel right to you and the whys and wherefores won't alter that. So I say don't pass on the book and don't mention it to DD. Your friend should respect your view about your own daughter.

I am sending you a hug too ((())) as I think you are feeling a bit bruised by all the comments on here.

Thanks Cherrytree59