to treat 1 grandchild differently because she treats me different?

Unfortunately I would be more inclined to blame her parents for her lack of manners. She is old enough to think for herself but if she has not been brought up to observe common courtesy by herself that is quite sad. Sometimes parents have to insist on things happening, even at age 18 - and this is one of them.

But I would not treat her any differently - she is still very young and you do not want to cause any kind of rift at this stage in her life. (Maybe she needs your love even more in order to give her good values).

Maybe you could ask your son why he always thanks you, on his daughter's behalf, and say that you'd like to hear from her and to have her come round.

I think you have to treat all the DGC the same, regardless of thoughtlessness on the part of some.
It's not a good sign that she hasn't bothered to phone or even text her thank you, but if she won't come and see you, and the others do, seems it is par for the course.
You could ask your son why she doesn't visit and the others do?

Greenwood Your DGD may think that the thank you her father gave you would maybe be ok with you she is obviously totally different to your other DGDs in responding to your kindness,she will ofcourse love you to bits in her own way,I have 4 grown up DGSs and we treet them every now and then but they are all different in their ways of saying thank you.

One way to get on in life is to be assiduous about the little courtesies. This applies as much to children and teenagers as adults. The sooner this lass learns that the better.

I would just 'forget' about her next time you are being generous.

I'm just wondering Greenwood if you use the kind of communication that she will use? Anya says text and I think that is a good idea if you use text. Or Facebook her This is how they communicate now and we have to do the same if we want to keep up with them.
Letters, phone calls, other than the quick mobile call and even email don't feature in their lives.
Please don't treat her differently. It's a way to make sure there will be a rift that will never be healed.

PS it's pathetic that at 18 her father has to do the thanking on her behalf. I'm thinking it's time she grew up and he made her do stuff for herself.

Do you love this lass? - if so treat her as someone you love.

She will come through this phase - you do not know what might be going on in her life.

Disagree that 'thank you' doesn't matter and it's unkind to suggest that the OP only gave so she could be thanked. She gave simply in the spirit of congratulations It says a lot about the person receiving the gift.

If it was my grandchild I'd actually speak to her about it, though Greenwood says she never sees this one, in which case I'd text her and just ask what her plans are now she's completed her A levels (assuming at 18 that's what the exam success was) and see if that elicits a response.

If she didn't reply then her cut off from future funds as far as I'm concerned.

No sorry its not the 'norm' these days. I know plenty of young adults who may not see their grandparents everyday but are atleast polite!

£100 and not even a phone call?! Shocking.

I agree with paddyann and Baggs The gift was given to say "well done" which I imagine would have made you feel really good GreenwoodGranny (I get a real buzz from giving) so let that be enough. Anyway she might announce sometime way in the future "I bought a lovely XYZ with the money you gave me Granny, Thank you" which would be the icing on the cake. Please don't start to treat her any differently to the others.

Tricky. I think gifting should be unconditional and that you should not treat her differently. However, somehow GD needs to be reminded that she should remember 'thank yous'.

I wouldn't penalise her, but I would look for an opportunity ahead of the next time when it is likely you will give a gift, to convey - maybe through her older sister / parents, that a 'thank you' is appreciated.

Our young people live in very fast-moving times with many calls upon their attention and in their teen years I do think they get very self-absorbed and simply don't think when no offence at all is intended. Some are more naturally thoughtful, some need training in .

True Baggs, but I think there is nothing wrong with good manners, and I really don't see them as something which should change because times are changing.

Did you give her the gift because you wanted to give her a gift to congratulate her on her exam success or did you give her the gift so that she would thank you?

Thanks are nice but thanks are not the purpose of gift giving.

My own children have been known to say thank gran for the present she sent me and their gran sees nothing wrong with that .I think you can get too hung up on how things USED to be done .Its different days ,my son works from 9am until 1am the next day regularly his gran knows he 's short of time and the fact he 'll msg me to say thanks to her is enough.Dont take it personally .I dont think any gift should be given with conditions ...even a thank you

I agree Greenwoodgranny, it does seem to be a trend these days,strange really with today's technology , mobiles , computers etc it really couldn't be any easier or quicker to send a short message . Most are brought up to say thank you but seem to fall by the wayside. I always think it would be good to 'accidentally ' forget to give to them one year & see what the reaction is , so far I haven't been brave enough!

Would it be terribly wrong to speak to her about it directly? Tell her that it is really bad manners not to thank you and that you feel hurt that she didn't/doesn't?
I think that sometimes we try so hard to get across our message with subtlety and it would be so much easier to just talk it over...

Writing is on the wall.....next time miss her out. You could put the present or money away for her in the hope she learns!

Sadly I find this is prevalent with young people these days even when they thanked when younger.
I do occasionally say this to friends and they agree and sometimes bring it up themselves.