Gransnet forums


to expect mail to be addressed to me?

(55 Posts)
hildajenniJ Sat 07-Oct-17 15:08:01

Today my DH received a letter, addressed to Mr. J. When he opened it, attached to the letter was my new debit card from our bank! It's a joint account, but really, AIBU to think that in 2017, with gender equality in the news almost every day, the letter, and MY bank card should have been addressed to me?

Baggs Sat 07-Oct-17 15:10:38

YANBU. Something like this happened to me several decades ago. I gave the bank hell. That's more difficult nowadays as the local bank managers have become extinct. Maybe splash your disgust onto Twitter.

Baggs Sat 07-Oct-17 15:24:15

Just thinking... it's probably down to machine laziness, by which I mean some software sloppiness of code so that only the first name is picked up for mailings. Still worth complaining, I think.

Starlady Sat 07-Oct-17 17:29:22

I agree.

grannyticktock Sat 07-Oct-17 17:45:43

That's totally wrong. When my late DH and I had a joint account, we each had to login separately, and once when he was answering security questions on the phone and I was trying to prompt him, they said I had to leave the room! (I stayed very quiet and wrote my prompts down on paper).

I think you should have strong words with your bank. Your DH could have been away from home,or forgotten to give you the card. It should have come to you directly.

Iam64 Sat 07-Oct-17 18:25:21

That's absolutely unacceptable. Its unacceptable that most banks still put the husband's name first on join accounts but to send the joint account holder's debit card to the male half of the joint account is beyond belief.
Please complain - get your joint account holder to complain. It's not the 1920's or even the 1950's.

SueDonim Sat 07-Oct-17 19:20:54

We have two joint current accounts but all mailings get sent to each of us individually. You should name and shame the bank, HildajenniJ.

Wheniwasyourage Sat 07-Oct-17 19:21:33

Yes, that is ridiculous and YADNBU. I never understand why cheques (I know, I know, but they do still exist!) so often say J Bloggs & Mrs P Bloggs as the name of the account. Ours say J When & T When and they work just the same. Also, we have a current account with a BS as well as one with a bank, and set it up with my name first as I would be using it more. No problem with doing that.

dogsmother Sat 07-Oct-17 19:33:58

I will never get over being invited to a garden party where my invitation was addressed to me with my husbands initial.
He was actually working and this was known so no possibility of him being invited, so why was his initial used, and why couldn’t I be invited as myself.

hildajenniJ Sat 07-Oct-17 19:58:01

The CEO of the Nat West bank (named and shamed), will be receiving a strongly worded email first thing on Monday morning. I'm not leaving this. I know the letter was computer generated, but it really has annoyed me. I can no longer go into the branch, because they closed it in early summer. I either have to go to Newcastle or Carlisle if I want to visit a branch.

Auntieflo Sat 07-Oct-17 19:59:04

I get really annoyed when after booking a holiday, paying for it on my cr.card, the invoice gets posted and addressed to DH. Silly really, but it makes me cross.

Baggs Sat 07-Oct-17 20:04:57

I was taught at school that the proper way to address a married woman on an envelope was by calling her Mrs Husband's Name, as in Mistress of That Man.

When I first moved to Scotland (Dundee, 1970s) some older people still used the term Mistress of any older woman: Mistress So-and-So, Mistress ThisorThat. In those cases I din't think the woman even had to be (or to have been) married.

I guess some things take a while to die out.

Not that any of this is an excuse for hildajennij's new card being addressed to her husband. I'm just musing.

grannyticktock Sat 07-Oct-17 20:10:58

Our joint account had mine (Mrs) as the first name. The only time I can remember feeling indignant about sexism was many years ago, when my husband received a letter beginning, "Dear Mr C, With reference to your wife's letter ... " I can't remember what it was about, but it was something I had every right to correspond about. I replied, pointing out that I was perfectly capable of handling the query myself.

Iam64 Sat 07-Oct-17 20:11:51

Baggs I suspect most of us were taught that at school, then chucked it when we realised that women have their own names.

Baggs Sat 07-Oct-17 20:15:07

Indeed we did.

Iam64 Sat 07-Oct-17 20:18:32

Yes, I thought you'd respond with that but once I'd pressed send, wanted the edit button so I could stress I hadn't been having a go.

Jane10 Sat 07-Oct-17 20:18:36

I can't imagine having a joint account. It's not that my DH isn't trustworthy it's just that I like my own privacy in financial matters. I'm just independent.

Iam64 Sat 07-Oct-17 20:53:22

You aren't the only independent woman on here Jane10. We have a joint account for paying bills and running the household. We both have individual accounts as well - same with our savings.

SueDonim Sat 07-Oct-17 21:21:10

The NatWest isn't one we've ever banked with - I'll make sure I avoid them in future, too!

Our bank asked us what we wanted to have on our cheque books in terms of names - I take that that is that not a universal thing?

Jane10, it was a requirement to have a joint account when we were first married and Dh was in the Forces. Rest assured, I also have accounts in my own name! wink

grannyactivist Sat 07-Oct-17 21:54:41

Jane10 I have always had my own bank account and I encouraged my daughters to keep theirs when they married. A couple of years ago my husband suggested that he should make his current account a joint one in order to get some benefit or other and so that I could always access his money immediately if anything should happen to him. So, I'm now in the happy position of having access to both my account and his..........if only I could remember the PIN number that is! smile

Maggiemaybe Sat 07-Oct-17 22:25:47

We have a joint account. Everything comes addressed to me because I set it up. Having full access to our joint funds has never made me feel inferior or dependent. If we had a shrug emoji I'd use it.

cornergran Sat 07-Oct-17 23:25:00

It's general with NatWest. Our cards arrive in the same way, a bank employee also could see no reason for me objecting to our paying in book having just Mr C's name on it. Why are we still with them? It's been convenient to bank there as a branch on the doorstep. I'm afraid that overrode my principles.

Craftycat Sun 08-Oct-17 11:02:22

My husband's cards come addressed to me if it makes it any better. We do all our banking online & I am first name on account & do all the banking. Does it really matter? I would agree if it were a man/woman thing but I doubt it is.

HthrEdmndsn Sun 08-Oct-17 11:03:53

My son still lives with me. During the General Election their was a 'letter' hand delivered from one of the minor political artists (Greens I think but can't be certain). It was addressed to my son and referred to 'his household' and 'his family' etc. As I am the one paying the council tax etc. I wondered how they came to the conclusion that he was the householder! I would not like to assume that it was because he was Mr. I am trying to lean towards the reason being that his first name becomes before mine alpabetically, but that seems a poor excuse for assuming he was 'head of the house'.

GrumpyOldBat Sun 08-Oct-17 11:30:51

I was going to use NatWest to set up my business account. I am not going there now. My son banks with them (still lives at home, so we share an address) and I have visions of my business correspondence being sent to him.

Also, what if there is abuse or domestic violence in a household - by sending the woman's card to the man, you are enabling financial coercion.

It is ridiculous - women are no longer the property of husbands and fathers, they are financially autonomous citizens. It is time that banks and other institutions recognised this.