To care about birthday being ignored?

Happy Birthday NonnaW. I have two sons. I feel that both have joined their partners family and her Mother is perceived to be the important Mother/Grandma. It is almost as if this is the correct etiquette of a family. However, I absolutely know the very special place both my sons have for me in their hearts. Reading posts on here about the sadness felt by mothers with sons has provided great comfort as I realise I am not alone. If the wife/ partner is thoughtful and willing to share, then our experience will be better. I have one son whose wife has embraced me into her family and another who's wife has not, despite my best attempts.

I had just the same for my birthday last week. Pressy, card and text from my daughter and a card and present from my stepson. Nothing at all from my son; sometimes he bothers, other times not. I cannot bring myself to treat him in the same way, it wouldn't feel right.

My DS forgot to send a card one year. He's not forgotten since, probably because I hit the roof when I next spoke him to him on the phone (we live some way apart). My anger at the time was exacerbated by the fact that I'd also had to go into hospital for a (minor) hernia op, and he'd forgotten that, too. An extremely large bouquet of flowers appeared within a couple of days. I suppose the moral is, don't let your feelings fester - either let him know how hurt you feel, or try to move on. My outburst has not sullied our relationship, and I still love him to bits!

Send a jokey message to them all to take the sting out of the tail, but letting them know that it’s hurt a bit ?

Happy Birthday Nonna & MaidMarion

Hope you resolve your dispute with your S&D MM I have always held great worth over cards, always chose the cards carefully with beautiful words in and written by myself. Very hurtful not to have a card from your AC, doesn't cost much and little effort in buying. A card is the most important thing for me on my birthday, I always keep them, even the lovely ones from my friends. I treasure them

My sons have no idea of when my birthday is. They have never asked. My husband may know but chooses to ignore it.

Do I care? Nah?

When I was married I always bought the cards for my in-laws & 4 stepchildren and made sure a present or flowers were ready for delivery.

Wendy bet you do really. For you

It's not just sons. My DH rarely gets a card from his daughter on his birthday or Fathers Day. It makes me sad though he says he's not bothered ( though I'm not so sure that's true) ?

My uncle used to forget my mum's birthday, nothing unusual about that you're thinking, but they were twins.

Birthday before last, I didn't get a single card. DH has PD, but didn't remember anyway, DD2 was on holiday, DD1 was 'getting ready' to go on holiday, (she and SiL wouldn't have dared forget his DM's birthday). I was far more hurt than I would have expected to be. I think that they should be showing an example to the DGC that it's nice to acknowledge the adults in the family's birthdays, as well as their own. When each of the DGC's birthdays came round, I did mention to them that they were very lucky to have received 'all those cards' - granny didn't get a single one. I hoped they might mention this to their DM's! Childish or not?

have to say I dont give a toss about my birthday and not fussed if they remember or not. Usually the grandchildren come up with a home made cake for me which is much appreciated.
I dont expect for two main reasons, 1) I cannot afford to do much for their birthdays, I usually make them a cake. 2) I think cos back to childhood as my mother insisted my birthday ( 28th Nov) was to near Christmas and one year I would get birthday presents and the next year Christmas......and yes even in the years I was young enough for Santa to visit I did without...how cruel and horrible of her.

I agree with paddyann.Cards and presents should be banned for everyone over18.Now I must beat a hasty retreat!!

I have two sons and get a card and gift from one usually the weekend after my birthday the other sends a card on the day but seldom gift and never anything on mother's day. It's a bit hard when they show days out afternoon teas etc for DILs mum on social media. Happy birthday NonnWa

My sons have never so far forgotten my birthday. My brother used to forget our mother’s just about always. It upset her very much. I doubt if he even knows when my birthday is. He has that strange male habit of leaving these things to his wife.j

Thanks everyone for the kind responses. This is the first time this has happened, they are normally very good at sending presents (not so much with cards). No DILs to give reminders, though I know they remembered the date as all sent birthday messages. Oh well, I’ll just have to ‘get over myself’. Thanks also for the birthday wishes.

Possibly hurts more as I rarely see them, all living away with busy lives.

It hurts! Facebook used to tell u the day before a friends birthday, now it’s on the day , and I. Was so annoyed at myself for forgetting two friends. My adult girls never forget a card for me. Moon pig is great for that as they re not nearby. When my husband forgot my birthday, I waited till he was gone to work before I put up my cards ( mean I know)and they were on the mantelpiece when he came in cardless and presentless! Nothing needed to be said!

I was upset this year. I was 60 while we were on holiday with my daughter and I didn't even receive a card. She and her husband did cook a nice dinner though. I got a card from my son a few days later, I can't blame him, we were away from home. But no present from either, not even a box of chocs.

Have to to the defence of 'some' males here. My birthday was midweek and the 'local' (67 miles) son took me to dinner plus card. The one further south sent me a lovely card with a theatre ticket plus long telephone conversation. I've no complaints and, from some of the mail here, seems I am very fortunate. Mmmmmm,.......

What a fuss - I more often than not get a card or phone call or maybe a visit or text from most of my children on or around my birthday - 3 boys and 3 girls -and it has been known to be completely forgotten!
If they didn't do any of the above I would not be offended or upset - they know I love them and I know they love me -and there are far more important things to worry about!

I think with the advent of social media & busy? Lives many people have become a little bit lazy about sending cards & find an email or text a quick way of sending greetings . Nothing beats a card in my eyes, but I don't get stressed, or upset if I don't receive one.If they do forget they are usually mortified when they eventually remember, it's become a little game in my head now, will they, won't they ?

Quite right to be disappointed .... I would be too. But I would make sure it didn't happen again! Next year Text him the week before & remind him. Belated Happy Birthday to you ???

Fist a very belated happy birthday to You. I was born on Christmas day and I have never ever had a card or a present from any one in my life. I am used to that now and I don't expect one ever, ( and no I am not smug its just what I am used to ) But I do see why you would feel hurt but I think it is just the way of the world now people tend to email or whats app rather than write. Young people are busy and not as family focused as older people might be. I have read all the post and I think not sending a card back is petty and childish. If your kids are thoughtless and selfish you wont change that but if they are just busy and juggling their own lives why make them feel bad for forgetting a card,

Where I grew up it was the wife's job to remember family birthdays, send Christmas cards, write letters to family and friends at a distance, so I naturally carried on doing so.

Perhaps you did the same? If so, either your DILs were brought up differently or are of the "Their your family, I write to mine" school of thought that explains why your DSs don't write.

Some people too assume, if you are not at home on your birthday that's because you don't want to celebrate it.

If you can let it slide, do so. If not tell your son that you were hurt by him ignoring your birthday.