To care about birthday being ignored?

DD never forgets and always sends cards and presents for birthdays and Christmas and a card for our wedding anniversary. DS has a most kind and thoughtful wife who was so shocked that he could forget that she either prompts or takes over. She never forgets! The weird thing is that DS loves us all to bits and does such kind things for us and the most romantic things for DDIL like, for example, planting pots and pots of her favourite flowers so that all summer when DGS1 was born she was surrounded by beautiful flowers. People are so complicated!

My son woke me up by playing a dreadful version of happy birthday through the Sonos speaker in our room, over and over, annoying but thoughtful in his weird way! Think there's no excuse for a quick text or TouchNote card, it takes seconds and even though not as personal as a hand written one, it still counts, you only have one mum and I bet their little birthdays were all arranged by you

I've told mine and he doesn't care. I think there must be some random "don't care" gene that some people must be born with - which like red/green colour blindness usually only expresses itself in males.

I’m shocked by all these neglectful sons. Birthdays are important and young people make a huge fuss over every birthday ending in a nought, so how can they excuse forgetting their mothers’ special day?
They need telling how hurt you were and that a card and present is expected.

Haha I don't even get a text from my son on my birthday. The only time he has ever "remembered" my birthday is during the 2 years he was with his ex, who was kind enough to add his name to the cards they sent me as a family. Fortunately she and my grandson and step granddaughter are still a part of my life, so I kind of gained a daughter to make up for the son I never really had.

It's not just men. My sister never sends cards or presents. She says it's too stressful! I think it's sad she can't even send a card.

Thanks for all the responses. I think I was just having a wobble on the day I posted, I’m (pretty much) over it now. However, if I don’t get anything for Christmas I will GSP have to ask if I’ve offended them in some way! (Hard to know how, given they all live some distance from each other, and from me and my ex).
Still, all over and done with now, least said soonest mended and all of that ......

My brother remembered my mum and dads birthday and made a point of not sending cards, saying he didn't believe in them, so mum and dad did the same to him.He didn't like it but what could he say.
I let him know when mum went into hospital for a mastectomy and not a card, phone call or anything.my mum was so hurt, and I was so angry with him,I saw the hurt in my mum.
But when she died he was bealing,upset and sent a big bunch of flowers.oh what a lovely jesture many said,I couldn't agree,but said nothing.Ill never forget the hurt that gave my mum.I could call him many names, non of them polite!
I do still see him occasionally....

Much happier to get a text for my birthday- I'm not a great lover of cards.

I’m sure I clicked Preview for that last message, but it seems to have been posted before I could correct it. Ah well.

If either of my sons (in their mid-40s) forgot my birthday i’d Just remind them! I would be quite shocked, but I would forgive as they have never forgotten so far, and it would just be that they were preoccupied or very busy.

I was very surprised when my oldest friend from schooldays forgot my birthday a couple of years ago. She was mortified when she remembered a few days later. She said she had known when my birthday was for as long as she could remember, and had no idea why she forgot. We put it down to old age!

I agree with what is being said about sons, however as a DIL I ALWAYS arranged all of the birthday/xmas cards for my in-laws but that is NOT the case with my DILs although we get on very well they seem to think if it is on their husband`s side of the family then they should be going out to buy the cards/gifts. Anyway, I decided a few years ago to give up on birthdays and declared I no longer wished cards (what cards you may say lol) to celebrate my birthday, as one get`s to a certain age when it can be depressing so I celebrate Mother`s Day instead and ALWAYS get really nice gifts and a nice lunch, AND I don`t apparently age! So a win win situation! Something to consider perhaps?

Not at all - I don’t ask for much or expect much from my family but one thing I do expect is to be remembered 2 days every year, my birthday and Christmas. I always make such a big effort when it comes to family and friends birthdays and whilst I dont expect much in money I do like to be remembered. My husband forgot my birthday once and I was so upset - the one day that I want to be made feel special. I might like to add he never has forgotten again!!! Lol

Ha ha, how kind.

But seriously I really don't mind. So many more important things to do.

sweetpea maybe they are waiting until the "big event" in December ...our kids did and it was lovely!!

My birthday is in the tumbleweed time of christmas day and New years eve on the 29th...my son...as last man standing ..his words.. he does feel more responsible in making up for the loss of his two sisters ..bless him,I do remind him about my ex's birthday...but he dosent forget mine, however am so used to my birthday being overlooked because of the time of year by others its always hit and miss

Happy belated birthday NonnaW. It is hurtful when sons don't bother to send cards. It's a well-known fact in our family that if I didn't bother getting the cards, writing them all out, and making sure that they are sent on time, nobody would get anything! My DH just cannot be bothered! He then gets all bent out of shape when people don't send him anything! Last year, I said to him he could buy the cards, write them out and send them, his family are huge and it's a real pain tbh. He made this grand gesture of saying he'd take charge of the card buying. Of course, he didn't bother, and there were a few huffs. I told him, how people appreciate cards, and just because he cannot be arsed, he needs to stop being so selfish! This year, I made him choose the cards, pay for them, and write them out. He's going to do the Xmas cards too!

Slightly off the point, but as DH is someone else's son ... I have always needed to prompt my DH with cards and gifts for his parents and for birthdays / special occasions within the family. I do think it is a male thing not to be so organised in this regard. AND he does not seem to be very troubled if he forgets!

I have learned over time that my DH has a very different attitude to gift giving to me. He is a deeply kind and thoughtful man in all sorts of ways and his apparent 'failure' to do gifts - VERY RARELY get a bunch of flowers or token gift of any kind and have to choose for myself at birthday / Christmas to a great extent - is not a reflection of his regard. It just doesn't seem to be part of his programming to gesture his affection in these ways.

But then he will 'quietly' sow my favourite flowers in the garden, make a point of doing some household things that I usually do if he can see that I am tired ...

I think that if we tie up our sense of worth with giving / receiving gifts, then we are on course to feel bruised again and again. If we can forgive the oversights and see that no personal neglect /slight is intended, it is better for us ... Very much preaching to myself here as I have found it difficult at times.

Sweetpea Happy 50th anniversary

My youngest daughter always bought me a lovely card and present, my son did too, but prompted by his lovely girlfriend no doubt, estranged from them both for 5yrs now due to nasty son.i.l

Poor Poohbear
Mags e-cards are good, they can be sent on the day

Oh Pinkjj I made this just for you

I'm lucky enough to get cards and presents from all 5 of mine though I do sometimes wonder if a couple of my sons are reminded by their wives.

The son and daughter theme seems to be quite common. I do get cards and gifts from my two sons who live abroad but I know that it's only because my DD reminds them a couple of weeks before!

On the topic of sons and cards versus daughters etc I would relate this, When I got married I was the one who used to purchase the card and gift for MIL, without it she would not have had one as DH was hopeless, however she really did not like me and used to make unpleasant digs about me behind my back to other family members. eventually I had enough and stopped bothering with her! Cards and presents from then on were DH’s responsibility and erratic!
I am sure if asked she would have whined about the great treatment my own mother received from me as opposed to her own, but the moral of the tale is don’t fall out with your DIL?

Although I live abroad and cards are not really sent here I always send my children and their partners cards plus the grandchildren under 18. Yet I don't always get a card (and never a present) and my husband of 21 years birthday is only remembered by 1 DD. My DS who lives in the same country as me didn't bother so do I send him and his wife birthday cards in future. My children always sent my Mum a birthday card but other than 2 grandsons (I suspect DD1 buys them) I have never received cards from my grandchildren. While in England I bought a years worth of family birthday cards so they would be more personal than my previous Moonpig cards. Oh well we shall see.

It’s just plain rude. Do the same to them. They probably won’t notice.