To care about birthday being ignored?

It's not just sons. My DH rarely gets a card from his daughter on his birthday or Fathers Day. It makes me sad though he says he's not bothered ( though I'm not so sure that's true) ?

Wendy bet you do really. For you

When I was married I always bought the cards for my in-laws & 4 stepchildren and made sure a present or flowers were ready for delivery.

My sons have no idea of when my birthday is. They have never asked. My husband may know but chooses to ignore it.

Do I care? Nah?

Happy Birthday Nonna & MaidMarion

Hope you resolve your dispute with your S&D MM I have always held great worth over cards, always chose the cards carefully with beautiful words in and written by myself. Very hurtful not to have a card from your AC, doesn't cost much and little effort in buying. A card is the most important thing for me on my birthday, I always keep them, even the lovely ones from my friends. I treasure them

Send a jokey message to them all to take the sting out of the tail, but letting them know that it’s hurt a bit ?

My DS forgot to send a card one year. He's not forgotten since, probably because I hit the roof when I next spoke him to him on the phone (we live some way apart). My anger at the time was exacerbated by the fact that I'd also had to go into hospital for a (minor) hernia op, and he'd forgotten that, too. An extremely large bouquet of flowers appeared within a couple of days. I suppose the moral is, don't let your feelings fester - either let him know how hurt you feel, or try to move on. My outburst has not sullied our relationship, and I still love him to bits!

I had just the same for my birthday last week. Pressy, card and text from my daughter and a card and present from my stepson. Nothing at all from my son; sometimes he bothers, other times not. I cannot bring myself to treat him in the same way, it wouldn't feel right.

Happy Birthday NonnaW. I have two sons. I feel that both have joined their partners family and her Mother is perceived to be the important Mother/Grandma. It is almost as if this is the correct etiquette of a family. However, I absolutely know the very special place both my sons have for me in their hearts. Reading posts on here about the sadness felt by mothers with sons has provided great comfort as I realise I am not alone. If the wife/ partner is thoughtful and willing to share, then our experience will be better. I have one son whose wife has embraced me into her family and another who's wife has not, despite my best attempts.

Happy belated birthday NonnaW . Sorry, but I have to say that all men are not the same. I always get a card and present from my son and from his son (aged 4 so obviously sent by DS). He knows I'd mind! But he's hopeless to buy presents for "I don't really need anything ...".

Birthdays are a Big Thing in our family - any excuse for a party or get together (must be the Irish in us) and I suppose it helps that we all live close by each other.

I suppose it depends on the culture in your own family. But you are obviously upset NonnaW. Soon you’ll get someone coming on here and telling you that they don’t get cards and it doesn’t upset them in the least because they are such well adjusted and amazingly -smug- people.

This is designed to make you feel small and inadequate, but don’t let that happen.

To be frank, if a child CBS’d to send his or her mother even a card once a year on her birthday then they need a good slapping around the ears with an overripe kipper.

So sorry you are upset.

I am absolutely with you on this. I didn't get a card from my son this year (or from my GS either, which I usually get!). It is because (for some reason, unknown to me!!) he's not speaking to me!!!!! I usually get wonderful cards, with beautiful words from my daughter, but just a small, ordinary one this year as (you've guessed it!) I'm in bad books with her TOO!!! I didn't get any cards from her children, neither did I get Christmas cards from them either. I so wish it didn't bother me... but I set such store by cards - not bothered about gifts - as it's an opportunity to read some kind and loving words....
My son's birthday is also on bonfire night so I'm tussling whether to give him a taste of his own medicine ... but I know I won't and will still send a loving card with money ...! I find it really upsetting that they can't make a small effort to send a card!!

Oops I’ve done it again NonnaW

Oops Sorry NonnWa for the misspelling

I usually get a card from my son and a phone call . Neither of my children are near enough to drop in. My daughter is sometimes late with a card but she is a nurse working shifts and juggling with two small children.

Happy birthday NonnWa

You are not being unreasonable - it is natural to feel disappointed and a little hurt at the sense of being overlooked. But, I think this is a common thing, most especially with sons it seems. They all seem to live such busy and pressured lives these days.

My boys tend not to get a present/card to me on time. Sometimes, something arrives the next time I see them which could be a week - ten days after the date. Sometimes nothing at all. This year, I didn't see any of my 3 (DD1, DS1 and DS2) on Mothering Sunday and nothing from anyone - not a card or flower in sight - though three 'apologies'! To be honest, I felt I had to quietly 'deal' with this, compounded by the knowledge that they all gathered at their dad's for Father's Day later in the year - there had been very practical reasons why we didn't see each other around Mothering Sunday, but sigh! It was also my DD's second ever MS as a mum and I think she was very busy with work and probably very distracted by actually qualifying for a gift / card herself!

BUT, none of my children are 'thoughtless.' These things do just happen and I think we have to let the niggling disappointment/ hurt go as I am sure they do not intend to cause any upset.

It's happened a few times with both of us. I find it hurtful too nonnaw. As much as I know comparisons are the way to more upset it is hard knowing that daughters in laws' parents are treated very differently. I tell myself a thicker skin is needed and don't make a fuss. I think for them social media seems adequate, for us it isn't the same, particularly as we don't see them regularly. A card is more real and all that is needed for us to be content. You aren't alone nonnaw, wishing you well and a belated happy birthday.

Happy Birthday wishes Nonnaw

It's out of order to be honest.

I tell my family every year no birthday cards or presents and no christmas gifts.If I want something I buy it and they have enough to spend their hard earned cash on already .I do like a wee visit from them but as I see my son most days and speak to my daughter every day its not an issue if they dont pop in.

I have five sons. I tend to get two cards. I may get a text or an e mail from the other three, but not always. I agree it is upsetting.

I despair of my fellow males sometimes. There is no excuse for them not taking proper notice of their parents' birthdays; nor should they rely on their partners to deal with it. I always sent cards to my parents without being prompted.

greyduster, maybe your DiL decided not to remind your DS this year to see if he could remember on his own - clearly not. My son needs reminding of all birthdays and even then doesn't always do anything about it, but it's because he genuinely can't see why adults have to celebrate, he thinks birthday celebrations are just for children. I've tried to explain it's a way of showing love and appreciation but he doesn't get it - but since he does actually appreciate everything I do for him, and he does really love me, I don't let it get to me (well, not very much anyway!).

Of course you're upset. It's perfectly natural to be. When I first escaped my girls blamed me (well they listened to their dad) and we had a few dodgy years when my birthday and mother's day were forgotten/late. I was devastated and so I understand how you feel.

Sadly your boys might think that a text message/facebook message is sufficient. It seems to be how a lot of people do it these days.