To treat my son's home as a holiday venue, while he's there?

I agree with bluebelle stop looking for a problem. As long as you ask in advance I can’t see a problem

Hi Tennisnan, I think you might be worrying too much. If you really think they might be offended by your visit, then ask them openly, without any upset or distress, just a reasonable question. But really, I can't see what's wrong. I went to stay with my eldest daughter when she and her then fiancé now husband lived in Hong Kong and she gave me the most wonderful holiday of my life. It was simply marvellous and I didn't even do any cooking for them as far as I remember! I think she enjoyed taking me round all the places. It certainly helped make up for the long times when we could not see each other due to the distance between us when I went home.

I don't think it is wrong at all to go for a couple of weeks twice a year! We do the same with our son and DiL who live 'over the pond' - in fact we go for 3 weeks at a time and always try to go at a time when they welcome help because of their work commitments. Like you, we try to give them a break from household chores and babysit all the time. If we didn't go, we would never get to know our twin grandchildren. We do try and go away for a couple of days in the middle of our visit, just to give them a break. I agree with the other comments telling you to keep on with the way things are and keep going until things change.

I’ve just arrived back on Sunday from 5 weeks in Australia staying with my DD SIL and gc. I was meant to stay for 4 wks but extended it another week. My family would have loved me to stay longer but it wasn’t realistic. I also just slot into there lifestyle and do chores school runs buy shopping etc and I’m always told it’s easy having me stay and I’m always welcome. I think you are worrying about nothing, maybe the other lady is miffed that she can’t stay longer due to her visiting others along the way. Don’t let it spoil you visits I’m sure if there was an issue they would be honest enough to let you know.

Surely you can tell by their attitude if they are happy for you to be there,I wouldn't over do things with th helping out as it might look as if you are trying to take over

In the words of an Eagles song 'we make it harder than it has to be'. I think we worry too much needlessly sometimes. Think your arrangements sound great.

I am sure even if they didn't say anything you would pick up on a bad atmosphere, or when you mentioned you were thinking of visiting they would have started finding excuses for you not to go. As for the other MIL lets not go there! except to say her ideas may not be your ideas.

Henetha, not if they have both been brought up to be polite. Not necessarily

It all sounds lovely to me, and you behave beautifully.
Ignore this persons comments, - she may or may not have been having a dig. If any aspect of your visits annoyed your son or wife they would say so, wouldn't they?

Try not to linger on words too much they may not mean what they sounded like.

Don't borrow trouble.

I'm sensitive to vibes etc and I'm sure if out was me I'd be able to tell if they weren't keen on me being there. I visit my daughter in another city far more than she comes here and she always says I'm no bother and can come anytime. I think the other mother is a bit jealous. I agree that they might like you going as they then don't have to visit you so often, as they have busy lives.

All I can say is that when I lived in Holland my MIL used to come to visit for 2 weeks including three weekends. I found it a real chore as I was left with her during the day and although I didn't feel I had to entertain her it was just the fact that she was there. Also we never knew when she had booked to go home so I had to ask my SIL. Having said that it could just be that the other mother is jealous at the length of time you spend there. I think the best thing is to ask them making it clear that you would not be upset if they wanted you to come for a shorter length of time.

Nothing wrong with thinking about the possibility - it shows you are a considerate person. If you ask them outright as one person suggested, they will have to say "no it's no trouble at all" if they are polite, so that's not the way to go imho. If you really want to test the water I think the best way to do it is just before you book your next trip say "I thought this visit I might stay at a hotel for one of the weeks" and see if they protest or ask why. If they don't ask, you'll know they do prefer not to have you stay the full two weeks. If they have always been completely happy to accommodate you then they will express surprise or dismay and ask why, at which point you can tell them you thought it was imposing on them to stay for so long and they can reassure you otherwise.

It's sounds like you're much wanted and that you all have a lovely time. I'd honestly not worry.
You communicate well with them and I'd assume that if there were any problems they would feel free to mention them to you.
I think the problem is that no one ever writes a post about what a perfectly nice time they've had but people do seek advice when there are problems so it can make you think there must be an issue when there isn't.

I think if they started making excuses as to why you shouldn't come, then you could worry.
Who knows the motivation behind your son's wife's Mothers comments. She could have been jealous.
Anyway they are grown ups and if they don't like it they surely would have said by now.
It is quite a long time to stay with someone but no doubt they when they have children they will be glad of an extra hand. Keep going!!

I worked abroad for quite a few years and always loved having family visitors, both my own and my husbands. Always welcomed and missed when they left. We always developed our own social circle and support networks wherever we were but that didn’t make one jot of difference. It’s always lovely to see them. And it’s a long way to go, and a great deal of expense, for just a few days, so a couple of weeks sounds fine to me. You could break it up by doing a local trip in the middle to somewhere touristy, or an area of natural beauty, for a few days. Make the most of it while you can, and don’t take any notice of mixed or unclear messages. If someone has something to say it should be clear.....maybe you’re misinterpreting the comment or overthinking it - is that possible?

DIL is loveliest girl ever, always says when are you coming again
yes we discuss suitable dates
local accommodation (city centre) too expensive
think from what I hear having your DM stay is different to yr MIL hence my worries
such a long/expensive flight, I try to make the most of it and hv to get over jet lag
think they are both just too nice to tell me if they didn't like the length of stay - no kids yet so obs will be different when they do
why I asked - just wanted some other MIL opinions - thks you've all really helped

Not having been! Just having!

For me personally having been a guest for 2 weeks would be far to long. However everyone is different and if they haven't said anything then I'd assume they were happy.

Do you ask them when and how long you can visit or do you tell them because the latter could cause some issues.

We stayed in the equivalent of a Travelodge in Singapore in 1967. There were ? and monkeys in the shower!! ?

I think I would book into the equivalent of a travel lodge near by and visit them but have my own space to go back too and to not have the worry that I am unwittingly imposing myself on them. But hey that is just me, the thought of living in someone else's home no matter how much I love and care for them just isn't something I would do.

I'm sure they'd tell you if they weren't happy with your visits. I'd just carry on so long as everyone's ok with the arrangements.
I'm just finishing a 2 month stay with DD2, SiL and 4 GCs in NSW. I help out with cleaning (I do the fridge first which is a family joke - annual event), cook some nights, do loads of washing - all the usual domestic stuff to give my poor DD a rest. I treat the kids, pay for some of the shopping and take them out for occasional meals. It all works well. DD and I get on well and we always have a few days away together which I finance. SiL is great and includes me in everything. If he's fed up with his Mil, he never shows it! They lived with us rent free for almost a year before marrying and we all survived that. If they weren't happy they'd tell me. I don't know how long this can be sustained. Who knows what's round the corner, so I take every opportunity to visit while I'm able. I reckon you should do the same

I think you should carry on with your visits for as long as you can because at some point you may not be able to make the journey. I am amazed though at how much you contribute and help out. If they both say they love you visiting, accept that they do. They're probably glad you visit them so they don't have to visit you more often.

Do they ask you to come?