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AIBU

To treat my son's home as a holiday venue, while he's there?

(63 Posts)
Tennisnan Mon 29-Jan-18 15:37:27

My son and his wife live in the Far East for his banking job. I love the city he lives in. Is it wrong to visit twice a year for 2 weeks? While I'm there I - buy their food and mine, and cook it, do chores and errands for them, ask them not to change their schedule or use up holiday allowance to occupy me, contribute to aircon bill, tidy up after myself, go to bed early several nights to give them alone time, get myself to and from the airport. When he visits me over in UK he goes straight back to treating our home as his home which I love. They both say we love you visiting but fiancées mum said recently when we met "didn't you have a really long stay last time? Did you enjoy yourself?". It got me thinking they've commented unfavourably to her about my visits. She only stays about 4 days at a time but she's always on a journey to/from New Zealand visiting relations so has had her holiday somewhere else - and stays with relatives.

Niobe Sat 29-Dec-18 15:25:28

Luckyducky, I think I would be very busy the next time this guy wanted to come and visit. We once invented a trip to the USA to avoid playing host to a vague acquaintance and his family. Not only would I have been expected to to provide a place to stay but also transport and meals. No thanks.

holdingontometeeth Sat 29-Dec-18 15:06:29

Jalima1108 Mon 29-Jan-18 15:46:12

Perhaps they thought you should have stayed longer?
I am a bit confused - who is the fiancee?

Perhaps the comment was made before they got married smile

WilmaKnickersfit Wed 31-Jan-18 21:36:09

Ah, got it now! grin

Jalima1108 Wed 31-Jan-18 12:51:37

I think someone up thread asked if it was Singapore and it took off from there.

Of course, it could be Hong Kong, Kuala Lumpur, Shenzhen or anywhere but that hasn't been clarified as far as I know.

Sorry OP - the thread got side-tracked.

WilmaKnickersfit Tue 30-Jan-18 23:51:26

Thanks Jalima, I've seen them on TV. Actually what I meant was why did you mention them? I know I'm missing something, but I don't understand why you posted about them. blush

Jalima1108 Tue 30-Jan-18 23:22:35

revoseek.com/life-style/giant-metal-trees-singapore-beautiful/

Jalima1108 Tue 30-Jan-18 23:22:00

I will try to put a picture on Wilma
fingers crossed:

SpringyChicken Tue 30-Jan-18 23:18:34

Is this a one off or regular event, LuckyDucky? I wouldn't want them back again.

WilmaKnickersfit Tue 30-Jan-18 23:17:43

Jalima and Cari I'm missing something here. What metal trees? confused

LuckyDucky Tue 30-Jan-18 23:08:50

St. Leonards on-sea not so far to travel as Hong Kong:

The scenario:
A relative by marriage invites himself and his wife to stay for four nights, stipulating the date, so he can catch up with his friend from Northern Ireland.

His friend has a 2 bed house in the area. The hosts are only taken out for a thank you cheap lunch. You know the brand, pay first, eat later. Nothing wrong with the brand, but not somewhere I'd take a relative to say thank you.

The husband used to make fun of her attempts to diet and even gave her a very large tin of biscuits as a thank you saying, "bet you've eaten them before we get home".

His wife did nothing to ameliorate his behaviour.
Your thoughts please.

SpringyChicken Tue 30-Jan-18 23:01:08

Her mum sounds a little bit jealous to me because you see more of her daughter than she does. Carry on as you are, just say to your son and DIL that if your visits become a strain, you want them to speak up. You can't do more than that. It sounds as though you are well loved by them.

eebeew Tue 30-Jan-18 21:07:33

Sorry about 2 posts.

eebeew Tue 30-Jan-18 21:05:53

DD ‘s in laws have just arrived from England to NZ for 2 months. They don’t ask just announce their plans. It’s difficult as my daughter works from home. They miss their only grandchild and want to see as much of her as possible of course, but it’s too long.

eebeew Tue 30-Jan-18 20:58:41

My daughters in laws have just arrived in NZ from England and are staying for 2 months! They don’t ask they just announce their plans. My daughter works from home and finds this difficult. I suppose they feel entitled since it is so far and they are missing out on their only grandchild.

grannyactivist Tue 30-Jan-18 18:06:46

"Didn't you have a really long stay last time? Did you enjoy yourself?" The first sounds like a perfectly reasonable question coming from someone who only stays herself for four days at a time, as by comparison two weeks is a long time, and I thought the second question was more along the lines of the speaker implying that she wouldn't enjoy staying that long, not a comment on how long tennis stays.
In your shoes tennisnan I wouldn't give it a second's thought. Sometimes a question has no hidden meaning. smile

Eilyann70 Tue 30-Jan-18 17:52:15

em and ask.

Eilyann70 Tue 30-Jan-18 17:51:38

or even GOOD!! Would reiterate what others have said ==talk to th

Eilyann70 Tue 30-Jan-18 17:48:09

family have live in help?

Sorry not god on this yet!

Eilyann70 Tue 30-Jan-18 17:46:32

Meant to add - it does help if you have large house!Also do your

Eilyann70 Tue 30-Jan-18 17:42:44

When my DD and DSiL and 3 children returned from the Far East, while selling up their propertyin the south and buying another, they stayed with us for 10 months. Luckily we then had a big house.Never a cross word, though kitchen times had to be worked out! Fast forward 13 years we downsized and while waiting for building work on our bungalow we spent 6 months with DD and DSiL and 4 GC.

Legs55 Tue 30-Jan-18 17:34:52

I go up to Yorkshire from Devon twice a year to visit DM, 1 week is long enough for us to be together. We are both fiercely independent (she is nearly 89).

DM has been widowed for 18 years, I have been widowed for 5 years. We are both used to doing things our own way.

I'm sure your DS & DiL love having you there, in my experience with my family they would soon tell me if I've overstayed my welcome. You're arranging dates with them so can't see the problem.

Jalima1108 Tue 30-Jan-18 17:02:00

I think that two weeks is a relatively short time to stay having travelled all that distance Tennisnan

Jalima1108 Tue 30-Jan-18 17:01:06

Marmight I could have written most of your post I do the fridge first which is a family joke and then I take on the role of Widow Twankey.
Although ours didn't live with us.

GrannyEggy1 Tue 30-Jan-18 16:57:54

They probably love having , it's a long way away, so it's obvious you are not going to stay for just a few nights. I lived in the States for 6 years, and all friends and relations came to stay for at least two weeks. We loved it and every one mucked in, nobody took it for granted, it was fun. Ignore the remarks, she possibly didn't mean it the way you took it, and if she did , ignore it , you sound a great guest.

Milly Tue 30-Jan-18 16:51:15

I think you are seeing problems where there aren't any. The remark about the long time you were there and did you enjoy it sounds like just a kind enquiry especially as I gather you are on your own, and the enquirer was pleased for you. You sound an excellent guest who not only helps but is tactful enough to leave the young people on their own. After all you are his mother and twice a year doesn't sound like over doing it to me. Enjoy.