Is it usual to go off sex at 65

I think it's the way nature works. Men can carry on procreating into their 70s or 80s, so nature organises that they have sexual desire right up until the end. Women stop being able to have babies round about the age of 40 (ish) so it's a waste of time and energy having sex! They would be better looking after the children that the have got - and the grandchildren of course! Hence the fall in sexual desire. That's my theory anyway!

"Normal" is different for everyone. I'm 68 and would love to keep having sex, we've only been married for 10 years and that would be lovely. But 6 years ago my DH had a brain tumour which knocked out his hormone production completely. He takes artificial ones but they have made no difference. He has zero sexual feelings at all , and despite trying Viagra, Cialis and even injections ( yes he had to inject himself "down there" ) he has had no results at all. It's like he is dead in the sex department, not only physically but mentally too. He just doesn't think of it at all. I'e tried "looking after myself" but it just isn't the same at all. So I content myself with a good book. Mismatched desires are certainly a feature of our age group !

This thread is now on facebook. Just warning you all!

Trendygran I understand you. My husband died 17 months ago st 51. He'd had heart failure for 2 years so we had to take things at a gentler pace and less frequently but there are other ways of showing you care. I'm only 53 this month and miss him desperately.

I'd never heard that "joke" till you posted it MargaretX. I must have led a sheltered life. I'm v ** off by it!

Is this subject talked about by men I wonder? A friend told me that after a heart OP the consultant told her husband he would be able to have sex - but nothing too exiting just your wife!
Now I know this is a well known joke -at our expense but at the patients bed side?

Men will always be able to take viagra and so the problem will never really be solved as prescribing a pill doesn't answer the underlying problem but brings in the dollars.
For many the last 20 years are the happiest in the marriage - no teenagers around, no boring work to go out for and do and for a lot of women no more sex and your own bed.

"woman is overfeeding them" - sounds like something from the 50s! Men do cook you know!

Reading some of these posts, there seem to be ladies who might deliberately overfeed their partners in order to get a good night's sleep!

When we are the cooks, we have some control over what food is plated up and put in front of our partners, although even that is dictated by food likes and dislikes. But snacks and drinks, alcoholic or not, are completely out of our control, When the men do the shopping and cooking themselves.......................................

"Diet, weight and exercise play a major part. If the woman is overfeeding them both then sex and intimacy may suffer, so there are things that she might be able to do to help them both by helping them lose weight."

Magic Bubble are you saying that men only get fat if the wife over feeds them? What? Men can't overeat without some woman over feeding them. It's all our fault ladies! What a load of tosh!

Atqui That really made me chuckle. For me, however, it would be a combination of love and lust!

Although I would never actually go to bed with a young fit man ( chance would be a fine thing) , because I would be too self conscious, I do believe that my libido might be revived . I've never been of the opinion that sex is about love.,It's lust ! ( runs for cover)

Monica

Why would most women feel different if they had a young fit handsome man in bed? Thanks, but no thanks, I would much rather have someone of my age, whom I know well and I know will stick around and where love aand affection and knowing eah other well enhances the physical experience.

I can imagine nothing worse than having sex with some gigilo, who is probably doing it for what he can get out of me at the end, probably money. A real passion killer.

MargaretX "Most women would feel different if they had a young fit handsome man in bed"
Love it!!!!

I too am 65 and nearly three years ago met my partner on a dating site who is 10 years younger than me. My ex and I were celibate by his choice after our youngest was born and I used to cry myself to sleep wanting that intimacy again. After my marriage broke up I am embarrassed to say I joined a swingers site at 60 and met many men younger than me for sex. They made me feel good again after the rejection. I came off the site after six months and went on the normal dating sites. My partner wants sex but I don’t as I have zero sex drive. I don’t know why that is after my experience. I so want to have a normal sex life with him. He is very patient and doesn’t pressure me which makes me feel worse.

Jaxie I feel for you. My own situation has been a little different from yours. I have always enjoyed sex but sadly my husband became impotent and then even more sadly died some years later. I have been widowed now for a number of years but my sexual desires have never diminished. I have recently met a man who has made me feel like a randy teenager again, though so far our friendship has not developed in that direction. Like you, solo sex has satisfactorily solved a lot of desires over the years.

How refreshing to be able to talk like this. I love my friends and family and could talk about anything with them but this. Its true its like an elephant in the room. I'm sure it would be the talk of the golf club if I ever mentioned it out loud to any of them although secretly I think that they'd agree and I could never hurt my husband, which it would. He's very kind and very funny so I have no problem with being with him.
The advertisements for the creams and gels which have started to appear on TV, for me are great for people who want to but can't for some reason but I just don't want to. Thank you all for your reasoning's and it just feels better talking about it.

GabriellaG - Thank you. I never thought I would be happy ever again! It is just so nice to be alive.

Jaxie maybe you shouldn't bother doing it secretly, you never know, it might trigger some interest :D

28 years ago, when I was 46, my husband told me " I don't get the urge any more". We'd stayed together after he'd had an affair about 2 years previously. I found, and find this quite humiliating, as if I wasn't and still am not desirable as a woman. I look after my appearance; I buy very good clothes and jewellery to boost my self esteem, but it still hurts. I've been secretly having solo sex for years now, with very satisfactory orgasms, but I still feel resentful. He is a grumpy old thing: all stained corduroy trousers and plucked fleece jackets, he has no friends. I have some wonderful friends who make me feel good about myself. I wouldn't mind the occasional show of genuine affection from him but this is never forthcoming - by word or action. He's what my mother would have called "a small parcel". It seems I'm stuck with him! Thanks Gransnetters: I feel better for getting that off my chest.

Re ckaire raynors quote
The quote I remember reading somewhere was " put a marble in a jar every time you have sex in the first year and then take one out every time. The jar will never empty.

What a nice thing to happen out of the blue westerlywind
It just goes to show that life throws us surprises and it's up to us to catch them.
Lots of good wishes to you both

Can we stop having the OPs thread hijacked?
There is an unrelated thread running through here and no-one has made her aware of the fact that she should start another thread or look for one already open.
Someone started a similar thing with a similar story a while back, just after I joined.
This woman is 64 and I'm sure that she must be aware of refuges and help from her GP.
Are they the same person? I don't know and I do sympathise, however, I'm cautiously sceptical.

Is LynnieMe on the right thread?
I thought this was a thread about sexual relations when you're 60+, not about abusive relationships yet people are randomly answering Lynnie in between answers to the original thread.
If I'm right, this person has posted similar pleas about abuse in the middle of another thread some time ago and she was advised (in a kindly way) to start another thread besides receiving sympathetic responses.

This is true, this is why it is not funny. My cousin in New Zealand found a Turkish female on line. He at the age of 86 took himself of there several times. He was robed of most of his life savings. He also lost his life due to a massive overdose of Viagra. I say this to anybody that is a few moments of pleasure worth it? We have a destroyed family over in NZ. Think about it.
Jane.