AIBU to want to make a speech at my child's wedding

It's their wedding day and as mother of the groom you just have to turn up and say nice things to everyone. Don't let this spoil the day but enjoy it and wish them well.

Well said, Telly

I agree with Telly. Put the idea behind you yogo and let your DIL and DS make the arrangements. It is their day and not yours I'm afraid. It is not worth upsetting your DIL. Relax and enjoy the big day!

If the bride and groom want to do things the traditional way on their day, that's entirely their business, and you'll only cause upset if you stick your oar in. Enjoy the day, and say nowt!

There are traditional and non traditional weddings. We attended one of the latter where it seemed everyone in the wedding party could and did give a speech. We were at the table for far too many hours. This sounds as if it will be a traditional wedding and so best go along with the traditions and keep a quiet but happy presence, just relax and enjoy it all with no pressure.

Thank you for all your views. Someone said perhaps two or three sentences and that is exactly what I had intended - I suppose more like a toast than a big speech.

If you do make a speech, it might be a good idea, as well as saying what a lovely young man your son is, to mention what a lovely girl DiL is and how you are so happy that he is settling down with her.

That is exactly what I wanted to do. Not a lot of anecdotes. Just to say how proud I am of him, how glad I am that they met and how I would like to wish them happiness in their future together. That is it really. I am not sure that even counts as a speech

You say your DIL has effectively said no ,( in your OP)
Does this mean you are going to do it anyway?
Have you considered what trouble you may be storing up for the future if you insist on having your own way ?

Surely all those things you want to say are accepted without being said, yogo? Of course you think your son is a lovely young man. Everybody knows that already. There'd be no harm in telling him (and maybe his fiancée too) so why don't you do that? Why do you want to make it public?

I think the answer lies in the title .. "My child". He is an adult and I truly think that you taking the hump because you have been told no to standing up and saying what people know already will
A... embarrass him
B... Wind the bride up and ruin your future relationship with her
C.. All the guests will think he's some sort of mummy boy and that mummy is having trouble letting go of those apron strings.
I expect none of the above was your intention but it's how it will come across to some and that is probably why she said no.
Just write your lovely words in a beautiful card for them both to read together.

I learned SO much about my son during the best man's speech . It still makes me chuckle ...

Yogogran I am at a loss as to how you can read 30 odd replies to your question saying YABU, don’t do this, don’t go there, this is their day not yours, and 101 other reasons for not doing this and somehow read in that “ someone said two or three sentences and that is what I had planned” as an acceptable course of action?
Read the words again if you really want an opinion, but if you have made up your mind already you will still have difficulty in finding any justification in your unilateral course of action.
Fine, so be it.

Thinking of all the weddings I have been to I am surprised how grown up and responsible the groom, bride, bestman etc are. I hope your son will mention you in his speech and thank you for bringing him up etc and then you can smile graciously.

Parents speeches should be about the couple and wishing them well not listing the virtues of their son or daughter. For the bride to say no makes me think maybe she is fed up with hearing you talk about your wonderful son. I see you say " settle into his new future" no it is their new future.

Have you asked your son what he thinks or is it all about what she thinks? Some women become monsters about 'my' wedding, they seem to forget that there are two of them getting married.

Wedding etiquette dictates that speeches are from father of the bride and the best man unless one of them is deceased. Why would you think that you should give a speech unless specifically asked? If it is traditional wedding then you go with the arrangements, if not then anyone requested can give a speech but it is up to the bride and groom! Too many other things to arrange without bucking against the traditions!

I don't understand why her parents can make a speech about her and I can't say anything about my son.
Is her mother making a speech too?

If here's a toast after every speech then it could be a very merry occasion.

It isn't your wedding is it?

Let them have their day as they wish it.

If you start to let petty resentments snowballm you will end up in a few years back on hear moaning that you aren't all on good terms and never see the grand children.

It isn't all about you.

Apologies for range of typos

It feels hard, but it is a moment when upsetting their plans will perhaps be remembered, and it is not worth the risk of setting the relationship off on the wrong foot. See another thread about the pain of a poor relationship with DIL - don't go there! As others have said, find other ways of saying words about your lovely son, and include how happy you are to see him marrying such a lovely young woman.

My husband and I were both widowed. On our wedding day my son in law (who gave me away) my step son ( best man) and groom gave speeches. I spoke and led a toast to our late partners before the best mans speech. I was so pleased it was well received. As has been said the bride doesn’t need to sit quietly at all.

Best man gives a speech for the Groom.
FoB gives a speech for the bride.
Groom gives a speech for everyone.

Plenty of speeches and everyone is included.
This is not your wedding. You are a guest.
Know your place and don't insert yourself where you don't belong.
The things you want to say can be said in private.

Please don’t be one of those mothers-in-law. Get into the habit of saying them not him, their not his, they not he.
It is their day, please please sit back and enjoy it.
All us mothers of sons go through these feelings but we must be strong, pleasant, loving and giving for we stand to lose so much if we show resentment.
I made such a lot of effort at first and now it has become second nature to think of them as a family and to love them all.
I was even asked to read at each christening, it’s now become a family tradition and I feel honoured.
Write them a lovely card and show them both how thrilled you are for them on their special day.

Your son's wedding day isn't about you. Your job was bringing up a fine son and that job is done. Now your job is to let him go onto the next stage of his life journey with his chosen partner. The wedding day is your son and his bride's day and it's their decision about who they wish to present a speech or to say a few words. You can best express your love for your son by respecting his wishes. Be gracious on the day and enjoy their love.
As many other posters have said, please think very carefully about the views you have expressed, you are in great danger of ending up estranged from your son and his family and all the pain that entails.
As the old saying goes, give your children roots, wings to fly and a reason to return.

He's your only son, and you've been rehearsing this day for years. Of course you want to say nice things. As a compromise, you could write down your "speech" in a wedding card to the couple which they can put on the table with the others but which can be read by everyone. It's hard but, one day you'll look back and realise it wasn't really worth getting upset about.

Sorry but it is tradition. The bride gets lovely things said about her & the best man tells naughty stories about the groom! These days the bride does sometimes say something so maybe she will say lovely things about him for you, At the end of the day you know he is wonderful - so does she so why do you have to tell everyone how much you love him- that goes without saying.

Don’t even think about it. It’s not worth it. It is not traditional for the grooms mother to make a speech. Daughter-in-laws are difficult enough without making it worse.