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I've had the most extraordinary conversation

(52 Posts)
petitpois Wed 28-Feb-18 14:51:50

Yesterday I got chatting to a friend of a friend who I bumped into at a local supermarket. We were talking about a mutual friend who's going to be a grandmother soon and she commented that she would have been a grandmother years earlier but her at that time quite young daughter had decided not to go through with the pregnancy. That was fair enough but then she said her husband (the grandfather) never knew!! Now, I understand it's sometimes easier to say things to strangers but I'm not a complete stranger and it's quite likely I'll meet this man (and possibly even the daughter) at some stage. In fact she laughed and said something like 'don't mention it if you meet him, haha.' I felt a bit awkward and didn't know what to say. AIBU or is that a pretty big secret to keep in a family?

MissAdventure Wed 28-Feb-18 14:56:43

I'm sure most families keep all sorts of secrets.
Trouble is, secrets often come out, particularly if the people keeping them spill to all and sundry.

merlotgran Wed 28-Feb-18 14:56:54

It's her secret so I'd forget all about it if I were you.

tanith Wed 28-Feb-18 14:58:15

If my daughter asked me to keep something so sensitive secret I think would respect her wishes even if it went against the grain.

tanith Wed 28-Feb-18 14:59:20

In fact come to think I already have.

petitpois Wed 28-Feb-18 15:00:14

I suppose I should add, of course I wouldn't spill the beans if I were to meet him, but it did sound so...odd...and even more odd to tell me of all people - in the middle of the veg aisle.

Nonnie Wed 28-Feb-18 15:05:12

Not sure everyone thinks an abortion needs to be a secret so perhaps she didn't really mind if you told people.

Smithy Wed 28-Feb-18 15:07:01

I would just out this right at the back of my mind and not give it another thought.

Bridgeit Wed 28-Feb-18 15:09:02

In the words of Manuel from Faulty Towers keep thinking ‘‘I know nothing ‘
I suspect many families have secrets & crosses to quietly bare

Oopsadaisy12 Wed 28-Feb-18 15:53:41

She should never have told you, now if the secret gets back to her DH, you will probably get the blame.

Madgran77 Wed 28-Feb-18 15:55:35

I'm surprised she mentioned it to you! Why would she tell anyone

janeainsworth Wed 28-Feb-18 18:50:49

Well the friend of a friend sounds like the worst sort of gossip, doesn’t she.

MissAdventure Wed 28-Feb-18 18:56:42

Imagine finding out your mum had told people something so personal. Horrible!

sodapop Wed 28-Feb-18 19:37:56

I can understand a little her not telling the grandfather. It's not the sort of thing you pass on to someone you are not close to though especially in casual conversation.

Elrel Wed 28-Feb-18 22:17:28

I’d agree that you really need to forget that conversation.

Maggiemaybe Wed 28-Feb-18 23:04:34

There may be a good reason for her not to tell her DH, but I can't think of one good reason for her to tell you! You now have to prove that you're the better person by forgetting all about it.

ElaineI Wed 28-Feb-18 23:14:35

None of your business really and never pass it on. Lots of reasons why she never told DH - confidentiality main one!

Doversole Thu 01-Mar-18 10:18:27

You must be a reassuring and comfortable person to talk to about something that she perhaps is not completely comfortable with. She probably regretted telling you the minute the words came out of her mouth. Suggest forget she told you.

Bibbity Thu 01-Mar-18 10:21:23

My GOD What absolute bi**h!
This woman can not be trusted and I pity her poor family!

Craftycat Thu 01-Mar-18 10:32:51

All families are different. Maybe he has strong feelings about abortion & they did not want to distress him but wanted to support her daughter.
Forget she ever told you.

patriciageegee Thu 01-Mar-18 10:41:00

Maybe you were there at a time when this person felt the need to unburden and just blurted this out petitpois. I don't think you're being unreasonable in feeling uncomfortable with this knowledge and there's the possibility she now feels uncomfortable herself for burdening you with it. Perhaps the way forward is to accept that she thinks of you as a warm, understanding and trustworthy person and forget it if you can as other posters have advised.

sarahellenwhitney Thu 01-Mar-18 10:49:38

One of the worst things we can do is to listen to what we are informed is 'a secret'.It then no longer remains a secret. Avoid.

luzdoh Thu 01-Mar-18 10:51:24

Don't take this personally, but I am surprised that she told you, or anyone else, in the Supermarket (or anywhere else!) In my family, if my daughter had had to make the same decision, she would not have been able to tell her father. I certainly would have advised her not to, as he was a tyrant. But I would never have told anyone else either, even my closest friend whom I know I can trust not to gossip.

It concerned her daughter's private life. I do not not discuss my daughters' private lives with other people.

Tessa101 Thu 01-Mar-18 10:54:03

Some things need forgetting and leaving in the past, and this is one of them.

ReadyMeals Thu 01-Mar-18 10:56:17

I think it was wrong for the mother to tell people outside the family if her own husband wasn't told. He'd be mortified if he found out via the neighborhood chinese whispers! Had she kept it a secret between her and her daughter that might have made sense, if they thought he would react badly.