To not tell them yet?

Good luck. Glad you have support now x

I fully understand your dilemma. When my DH was facing the possibility that he had prostate cancer, he didn't want a soul to know until it was confirmed. When it was confirmed, we told our daughter and no one else. This was because we were going on holiday with relatives and DH thought they would treat him differently if they knew he had cancer. That was the most difficult holiday of my life. When we eventually told the relatives we went away with, they said we ought to get Oscars as they would never have guessed. They were then wonderfully supportive. DH has had a good outcome and I'm sure you will too. Good luck.

I understand why you didn't want to tell them I did the same myself EVERY time I had a serious health issue and even when I went into labour I didn't tell anyone except my OH .Once I know what I'm dealing with and how I'll do that I'll let people close to me know.They have enough worries of their own so I'd rather keep it quiet until I'm sure about whats going on.The problem was you kind of let the cat out the bag so you have to tell now and be grateful for the support they offer .The GC will keep your mind occupied and give you something to smile about.I hope all goes well for you .

SUNSHINEMAKESMEHAPPY Please just tell them,we all know DC can be pains (at times) -- but they've realised you're not your usual self so just tell them. They wouldn't want you to go through this alone as you wouldn't if the situation was reversed. Thinking of you -- all the best.

I think you should tell them. You will benefit from their support and you must keep in mind that, although our children always feel like kids to us, they are adults. Would you want them to tell you if the tables were reversed? How would you feel if they didn’t? I know, at least one of my adult daughters would be very cross to be kept in the dark.

Having been the dd of a parent who didn't tell me or my siblings how bad things were please tell them. They can be with you for good or bad and will not be left with huge guilt that never goes away (sometimes anger) because they didn't help/know. Same has happened to my oh who's mother never told her dc what when on behind closed doors. Sometimes that stiff upper lip needs to soften and talk and ask for help as hard as it is give your children the opportunity to help. Good luck on Wednesday xx

I was diagnosed with breast cancer two weeks ago. I hadn't told anyone I was going to the hospital. The nurse asked me about letting my daughter know. I said I didn't want to tell her yet as we are still grieving the death of my son, her marriage has broken down and blow me on the morning of my results appointment her nana (my ex mother in law) died. How could I add to her misery.
However the nurse asked me if the tables were turned and it was her in my position would I want to know? I said 'of course I would'. She then said I should tell her.
I have, and both she and I am glad I did.
I don't want her running around after me (unless I really need it), but holding such a powerful secret would probably have caused problems.

Good luck with your appointment. I understand about not wanting to tell the children but mine get really cross and upset if they find we have been unwell and not said.
Hope all goes well

I've never really understood the concept of not telling those closest to you about health issues. Family should support each other at such times - yes they will be worried but it's better that they know so they can not only help you but also each other. I'm so pleased you've shared the situation with them - good luck with your appointment and I agree you should allow one or both of them to go with you.

I think I can understand the logic of ‘not sharing’. I’ve done it myself. Gone to the hospital on my own etc. Maybe it’s a form of denial, maybe it’s a ‘lucky charm’ thing but for me, going alone & for biopsy results has (so far) worked in my favour, which is why, superstitiously, I suppose I would continue this way (if necessary). I’m not saying it’s right. But it has evolved into being how I approach my medical concerns.

I think you should share your worries with them. They obviously sense something is up and your DDs have actually expressed their hurt at your not sharing whatever it is you are worrying about with them. Good luck for Weds and with your DDs.
to you and Joelsnan.

SMMH, thank you for this post. Very interesting. I'm in the very fortunate position of never having had your experience but I have theorised the possibility often and have definitely decided I wouldn't tell anyone. I cannot see the point or sense in spreading the worry. However, I would stand this argument on its head if they were ill. My reasoning is that I have time to spare and could perhaps be of some constructive use with ??? transportation, the children, domestic chores etc. They have full and busy lives which would be totally disrupted by trying to help me. Have to say that's my theory but I freely admit it hasn't been tested. Hope things go really well for you.

I understand that your daughters may be worried and this is often expressed in anger. What I find baffling is the current trend for adult children to deny their parents access to their grandchildren as a response to any family disagreement. It seems to be prevalent at the moment and ‘cot off’ seems to be the buzz word.

I hope your daughters eventually get to know how much their actions have hurt you at a very difficult time for you. I wish you all the very best for your appointment and a positive outcome.

Sorry should be ‘cut off’.

Yes, I am another who would tell my family if there was something serious which worried me. Apart from treating them as adults who can deal with it I would want their support.

Please tell them. You need support at a difficult time and that is what friends and family are there for. Don't shut them out when you need them most, although the principle of not saying until you have something to say is deeply ingrained in us mothers it seems. Good luck.

It's a tricky one isn't it.
You aren't thinking straight because you are so worried.
In the end I think it's best to tell family.
All the very best to you on Wednesday and after.

I had was diagnosed with breast cancer 17 months ago. We told my daughters and though worried, they were very supportive, to us and each other. I'm fine now and hope very much that you will be too, SunshineMakesMeHappy, .

You must tell them, and now.

And report back to us later in the week please.

My experience was different but I feel I must share it with you. My GP gave me bad news on a Monday. I kept it to myself waiting for a hospital appointment. On the Friday morning I had to tell my son as he was going to work abroad. His father died of cancer and my son cried. The first time I had seen him cry as an adult. At 2pm my GP phoned.Sorry she said it was a mistake. My notes were mixed up with another patient.

I think we instinctively try to protect our children from hurt or pain. When we have a medical problem we try not to worry them, if it turns out to be something serious that they then learn about they are hurt that we didn’t share our concerns so we haven’t protected them at all.
My mother always hid her worries from us but somehow it always showed, eventually we became exasperated by her perceived martyrdom and our sympathy lessened.
Consequently we always tell our children calmly and without drama if we have a concern, it doesn’t hurt to allow our children to feel concern and compassion and it helps us to have their emotional support when necessary.

So glad to hear you told them, Sunshine, and the very best of luck on Wednesday.

If you decide to go alone, take paper and pencil with you, or ask if you may record the conversation on your phone, so you know what was said when you get home.

Ask too, if the hospital can give you details of a support group, if your worst fears are realised. It is an immense help to be able to talk to someone who has been through the same thing, and who is not family.

Please tell them. They might think you've been unfair in not telling them. They wouldn't have had a fall out with you if they'd known.

Fingers crossed everything turns out well and you and your DDs are back on track.

Well done, I think by telling them what is going on in your life it can only help them to understand why things have been as they are. With a bit of luck and a fair wind your relationship with them should get better. Let one of them come with you, this is what family is for. Best wishes x