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AIBU

Is this odd behaviour for a bride?

(105 Posts)
petitpois Fri 23-Mar-18 12:42:40

My son is getting married in the summer. This will be my new daughter in law's second marriage - the first ended in a rather messy divorce so I'm told. She's been really enthusiastic about the wedding - who would't be? - and thrown herself wholeheartedly into a big white wedding. But what I'm finding really strange is that there are certain things she is doing that are exactly the same as her first wedding. The most odd (to me) is that she is planning on wearing the same dress. Wouldn't that taint the day for you somewhat? Money is not an issue - I know my son has offered a few times to buy her a new dress and her parents are very well off too plus they both have good jobs.

gillybob Fri 23-Mar-18 12:47:50

Very weird . I’ve been married 3 times (skint each time) and would have never worn the same dress/outfit/jeans for any of them .

harrigran Fri 23-Mar-18 13:04:50

How nice that she can still fit into the dress, six months after my wedding I could not get into the dress.
Perhaps she is a serial monogamist and the dress is a ritual.

MawBroon Fri 23-Mar-18 13:13:58

Odd?
Perhaps she likes it better than anything else she has seen.

Windyweather Fri 23-Mar-18 13:18:24

Yes I think it's odd. She hasn't grasped how your son might feel about her wearing the same dress she wore for marrying another man, yet in her defence, maybe she's recreating aspects of her first wedding that she really loved.

gummybears Fri 23-Mar-18 13:48:35

Er, no offence to the bride, but the dress is hardly a bloody good luck charm, is it?!

MissAdventure Fri 23-Mar-18 13:55:01

It does seem a bit odd, but then people can be odd compared to ourselves.

SpanielNanny Fri 23-Mar-18 14:05:38

Maybe your future dil loves the dress and hopes to be able to associate it with some happier memories? My own dil wore a small blue flower pin, her own mother had worn at her wedding. Her mother’s marriage ended in divorce & dil does not have the best relationship with her dad, having witnessed some of the terrible treatment he subjected her mother to. I queried her choice, asking if she was worried it was a jinx. Her answer was that the pin was so beautiful, it deserved to have a happy occasion associated with it.

BlueBelle Fri 23-Mar-18 14:16:09

I was married twice not only had fashions changed even in the twenty year space but I would have felt extremely uncomftable wearing something that had brought me unhappiness
Is your future daughter in law very tight or very into recycling or is it being altered? I guess it’s up to your son to point out to her that he wants her to wear a new dress for his wedding day perhaps she’s completely missing the point and relevance

MissAdventure Fri 23-Mar-18 14:28:33

Some people like to live a zero waste lifestyle.
Its not the dresses that cause marriages to fail.

Bathsheba Fri 23-Mar-18 14:57:09

Not so much odd, as grossly insensitive to your son's feelings. I wonder if there's a way that perspective could be pointed out to her?

Cherrytree59 Fri 23-Mar-18 15:16:00

Does your son mind her wearing the same dress?
If he is upset then I would encourage him to express his feelings to his fiancée.
If however he is unperturbed then leave well alone.

I would probably hold back from discussing the dress with your future DIL unless she mentions it to you.

Clutching at straws here
but is it possible that the dress is a family heirloom?

ninathenana Fri 23-Mar-18 15:34:20

I've only been married once but if it was me, there is no way I'd wear the same dress or anything I'd worn the first time. I know DD wouldn't either in fact the idea would horrify her and I don't think her new partner would be too pleased either.

Luckygirl Fri 23-Mar-18 16:10:48

It does not sound as though your son is too worried about it. I suppose that maybe it was a dress she really loved and wants to ad some new happy associations to it.

Faye Fri 23-Mar-18 19:41:20

If your DS has offered a few times to buy your future DIL a new dress, it shows she is not listening. It seems obvious to me he is not happy with her choice. He needs to sit her down and explain how he feels.

Is the the actual wedding more important to this bride than her present groom?

sodapop Fri 23-Mar-18 21:06:43

I agree with cherrytree if your son is not worried about it don't say anything.
It does seem odd though.

paddyann Fri 23-Mar-18 23:38:15

I know a girl who has been engaged 4 times..she bought a wedding dress the first time and has kept it in hope of wearing it because she has never seen anything she likes as much .It takes all kinds to make the world ,if she and your son are happy to do what she wants I'd keep quiet and do nothing

absent Sat 24-Mar-18 03:02:01

Maybe she is just being economical. If it was an elaborate and expensive dress, it might seem like a good idea to use the opportunity to give it a second outing.

What I always found rather strange was using the late Princess of Wales's engagement ring for Prince William's then new fiancée after the general nastiness that brought about the end of his parents' marriage. Not a good omen!

NanaNancy Sat 24-Mar-18 06:13:58

I would think that the groom is too afraid to "say" anything on the issue; don't want a "bridezilla" moment.
She should not wear the same dress, that dress should have been donated when she "left" husband number one. Along with wedding bands etc. I wonder what else she is planning on wear that might be "recycled"...?

BlueBelle Sat 24-Mar-18 07:31:16

Sodapop the posters son has asked the daughter in law to let him buy her a new dress so is obviously not happy about it

However much people say it’s only a dress maybe she loved it etc etc that dress is a symbol it’s a symbol of the man she DID love and the life SHE did want I d be extremely worried that she is still harbouring a love if not of the ex of the ex life
On top of all that it’s disrespectful perhaps she ll want to wear the same nighty or negligee she wore for her previous first night
She is at best not thinking or showing thoughtfulness at worst still hankering after her old life or maybe she has no ability to think out of the box has no imagination and can only do things the same way
I would not say anything yourself not your place but encourage your son to be a bit more proactive unless he really doesn’t care

OldMeg Sat 24-Mar-18 08:04:43

All I can add is that it doesn’t bode well for future MiL/DiL relations when the OP feels she needs to air this on a public forum.

Iam64 Sat 24-Mar-18 08:19:26

Am I allowed to ask if this is genuine?

whitewave Sat 24-Mar-18 08:24:34

I go with harrigran grin

OldMeg Sat 24-Mar-18 08:25:25

🤔

BlueBelle Sat 24-Mar-18 08:31:50

Which bit though Whitewave ??