Is this odd behaviour for a bride?

Very bad luck! I have my two wedding dresses up in the attic, knowing my DD would never want to wear them, even though they are beautiful. I bought beautiful 'mother of the bride' outfits for my DDs weddings, wouldn't wear the same one to both, even though the outfits were very expensive, and have been worn only once.

Your d.i.l really needs to buy a new wedding dress and give some thought to her groom!

The dress isn't a jinx and if she wants to wear it good luck I personally wouldn't wear the same dress but her wedding her choice

Mmm; very odd ..

I've been married twice. The first time I knitted a wedding dress and cap (96 yards of baby ribbon threaded through holes in the pattern, thanks to godmother!) and the second time I was 6 months pregnant, so MIL made me and 3 child bridesmaids beautiful dresses and I bought a lovely broad-brimmed summer hat (June wedding). Wouldn't have dreamed of wearing the same dress twice, even if the 1st time round hadn't been a disaster.

If it was a messy divorce I'm surprised she is so attached to the dress. My DD couldn't wait to get rid of sell hers on eBay after an acrimonious divorce.

What else is she doing that's exactly the same as her first wedding (as you state in your OP)

Old Meg: I actually think the opposite, I think it’s good that petitpois is asking for advice to check that she is not being over sensitive to this issue. It shows that she cares enough about her future relationship with DIL. Sometimes when you are close to a situation it’s difficult to remain objective. I too find it a bit odd that DIL wants to wear the same dress, am sure it will draw comments from her side who saw the dress the 1st time round ! However, it’s her and the grooms day, and the most important thing is what he thinks about it.

I know someone who bought a wedding dress even before she had a boyfriend. She wore it in our shared accommodation to show it off!

Could be that the dress was given her by someone special in her life, like a dear departed sister or aunt?

I think it is weird. I'd have sold the dress on ebay!

Has your son ever asked her the reason she wants to wear the same dress when his offers to buy a new one have been refused? Or has she offered any reason when declining the offer?

It depends on other factors. If it was a very expensive dress she might feel why waste it?
On the other hand, maybe she is not over the first marriage and is trying to recreate it. How long ago was it, could she still be on the rebound, is she rushing into this new relationship?
None of us can know. Have you asked her, in a non confrontational, easy manner?

Maybe she's going for perfection on that day so she's changing what didn't work (first husband) but not what did (the dress)

I am getting married in May for the third time and wouldn’t consider wearing a dress from a previous wedding. My future husband was going to wear the suit he wore at his last wedding and I told him, NO WAY!

Sad I know but there are so many women out there who just want to be a bride. It’s the ultimate form of attention seeking and a great way to get a lot of new stuff!
I overheard two girls on a train discussing wedding plans it was quite obscene, the bride to be said she had read that it was acceptable to ask each guest to gift a bottle of wine along with the present to create a “ wine cellar” for the happy couple! She had also budgeted 3.5k for her dress and shoes!!!Weddings are big business and so many girls are sucked in to the dream.
So perhaps she is more in love with the concept of a wedding than your son?

Gosh! So many repeat weddings. Twice or even thrice married...jeez.
Why would anyone deem it suitable to wear a (presumably) white or ivory wedding dress second time around?
It's the vows that matter not the dress or flowers or reception or gifts.
What a fuss. I bet most people who have huge church weddings are not regular church-goers anyway.

It's not just her wedding - it's THEIRS! I know the bride's wishes are usually deferred to for weddings but the groom should not be made to feel uncomfortable by her actions. He needs to speak up now.

On first reading it seemed shocking but on reflection I would give the benefit of the doubt. The opposing views are 1: that she is wanting to recreate her first marriage and that she is somehow locked in it emotionally. Or 2: the exact opposite, that she is overwriting the first marriage and she feels the lovely dress deserves a better go. I’d go with the second.

Maybe as my Oh said it's a stab in the back to her ex that she doesn't care about him anymore and is proving it by wearing it when she marries your son OR even though the divorce was messy she still has feelings for her ex and wants him to know, either way I wouldn't want to wear THAT DRESS in fact I gave mine to oxfam and good riddance to it.

At the end of the day, it is just a dress and one which she obviously likes. Perhaps she isn't sentimental about objects or doesn't believe in bad lack. Perhaps the only thing she is really focussed on is your son, not getting into debt before they marry and just putting the past behind her. It isn't necessarily something I would do but there really doesn't have to be a sinister reason. If your son is bothered and she isn't listening however, that bodes for a disastrous marriage! Perhaps you could have a calm, non-judgemental conversation with your son about his feelings on the matter and, if he is upset about it, gently point out that it is concerning it is that they can't sort out something problematic before the marriage. If he is not unhappy though, congratulate him on being more concerned that his future gets the day she wants.

I'm with MissA on this and particularly the first comment. Very droll. I feel the bride-to-be cannot have been without passing comment on her unusual decision. Maybe the style is her very favourite.

Nowt as odd as folks. The main reason she should not wear it is the fact that her future husband obviously does not want her to. The day is all about them starting a happy life together and he will not be happy about this... Hopefully she will change her mind.

My first marriage ended in a messy divorce and I donated my dress to a charity shop. I would never have considered wearing the same dress at a future wedding. When DH and I married I wore something totally different . The fact that your son is clearly not happy does not bode well. As an aside my exH has worn the same kilt at his 4 ( yes 4) subsequent marriages which have also ended in divorce!!

Goodness what other odd things is she doing? Your DS is obviously worried about this as he has offered more than once to buy a new dress, I think for his own peace of mind he must ask straight out why she is so intent on wearing it. Whether you can advise him to do this only you know. Otherwise the usual advice to you, keep out of it for the sake of your future relationship with her.

Is she planning to make alternations to it so it isn't recognisable as the 1st wedding dress? She could add/remove beading, lace, bows, veil, headress, change neckline, lenth, add a colour or train etc.

Many companies have a basic design and they add to that design to make different dresses. So by doing alterations she could make what looks like a new dress/outfit at a fraction of the price.

Do I think it’s odd? Yes, but there’s nowt so queer as other people’s opinions when they don’t match our own. However we don’t know the whole conversations between them. We don’t know if the son told his fiancée he wasn’t happy with her wearing the same dress or if he just offered to buy her another. It’s their business anyway and if he’s really bothered then they need to sit down and discuss their reasons for and against. Heaven forbid in-laws get involved. It could become nasty.