Is this odd behaviour for a bride?

Weddings are so locked into superstition as becomes clear here! The bride found a dress she loved - and as a mother of a bride, I know it is hard work getting the right one! The marriage went sour but no doubt she still loves the dress just as much. So she is wearing it again. Good for her. It is just made of cloth, no bad luck charms hang from it. A wedding is for a day, hopefully this marriage is for ever and the MIL builds a good understanding relationship with her new DIL.

Petitpois, please tell us whether or not the dress has been passed down through her family, perhaps worn by her mother or grandmother. If it has this sort of significance then I think it is lovely that she wants to wear it.
If not, and your son is unhappy at her choice, they need to have a very serious conversation.
I would advise that you stay out of it though, hard as it might be. If she is to be your daughter-in-law this will be good practice for all the future tongue biting you will have to do.
Good luck to you all

First world problems.................

I burnt my first wedding dress ??

Yes it does seem strange,i was considering RE-marrying an ex at one point,but STILL would have bought a new dress-if moneys no option,why on earth not?its part of the fun bits of preparation too isnt it?Why hasnt your son spoken up and asked her? I would have to say something im afraid,on his behalf,(just gently)but she genuinely may not think he will mind,if she herself might not harbour "attachments" to a garment?But men do,generally speaking,not want 'their' bride in what they consider 'another mans' wedding outfit,so to speak!Time to speak up im afraid.It could be just crossed wires.

Years ago I knew someone who wore the wedding dress of the wife of her younger step-brother who was dying of cancer and the ceremony took place at his bedside. Sadly her own life since then has been chaotic in every way.

And yes,it could be a family heirloom,but she would probably have said aleady,if that were the case,and the post about a blue pin,well thats different altogether,as a bride often wears something WITH the outfit,from a mum,or grandma etc,(something old,something new,something borrowed,something blue etc)but the dress IS a big deal,and far from keeping shtum,her hubby to be should ask why,rather than ruin the run up to wedding/big day by saying nothing then ' simmering ' about it.They need to have "a chat"sooner rather than later.if she believes he doesnt mind,do they know each other well enough yet for this big step?

It does seem very odd, unless of course this dress is some sort of family heirloom and is expected to be used and kept within the family, which to me would still be odd for the same person to use it twice. Not sure really how anyone could broach this to her in a tactful way to get her to rethink the dress.

I can still get into my wedding dress (only had one) but I'd look ridiculous in it now, 50-odd years later, should I take the plunge again. It's unlikely, though, as also still have DH! Had I remarried when younger would definitely have had a different outfit, but it's her decision.

Gaggi - yes, it's her decision. But I'd love to know her reason!

The dress, isn't 'just a dress' it's a huge symbol in the wedding ceremony, it's kept secret from all but the mother of the bride & bridesmaids, until the bride walks down the isle and all eyes on the bride & dress. Guest would be saying but isn't that the dress from her first wedding Even if it was drastically altered [costing a fare bit, being wedding dress] still the same dress!

What about the wedding photos, the photographer always makes a big deal in arranging the bride's dress 'just so', pics of bride & groom are going to look quite similar to her first wedding, just different face of groom

But none of that is important, surely?
The important thing is all the years together after the wedding day.

petitpois - Sorry but I don't think your future DIL's choices about what she wears or does on her wedding day are any of your business.
If she asks for your opinion, then you could say you're a bit surprised that she wants to wear the same dress again but even this could sound like criticism.
There are so many posts on GN about poor relations with DILs. IMHO don't push it.

That is a bad idea, this wedding should surely be a new and fresh start, and one with your DS?

If it was me getting married again I wouldn't dream of wearing the same dress for fear of offending the new husband and knowing it might be brought up in any future disagreements, human nature being what it is.

Now we are wondering why-maybe petitpois could post again later if she does discover the reason her future DIL wants to reuse this dress?it seems a lot are genuinely confused as to why this would be done :/ also we can see a good outcome.for BOTH of the happy couple.

Wanting to wear ones first wedding dress for wedding number two indicates to me that in spite of as you have said this marriage ended in a messy divorce the bride may be /or is still holding onto the' not so messy parts'? OR it is a designer dress costing thousands and the bride to be is a thrifty person??.DS appears to have offered the choice of a new dress which has been declined. I am intrigued and again see it as a reluctance to wipe out the past.If it was so good why divorce ?.Does she still carry a torch for her first husband.?. If it were my son I would want to have a serious talk with him stating your feelings and concerns over his bride wearing' that dress'.Other than that you will have no option but to go with the flow and not let any reservations you may have spoil your enjoyment of this wedding.

I'm with OldMeg - discussing your future DiL's frock choices online with strangers is really unlikely to result in greater understanding or good relations. If you are so desirous of knowing that you are willing to sacrifice your whole future relationship with her and quite possibly your son and future grandchildren, why don't you just ask her?

Is this bothering your son- or just you?

...finding really strange is that there are certain things she is doing that are exactly the same as her first wedding. The most odd (to me) is that she is planning on wearing the same dress.

Petipois,
My own personal opinion is that wearing the same dress she wore for spouse #1 is in terribly poor taste, but the first part of your statement is just as noteworthy!

So maybe she's just in love with the dress, but about the other aspects of her previous wedding that she plans to recreate as well? I could mean nothing or it could mean some serious unresolved issues surrounding her first marriage.

Time for a heart to heart with your DS.

If he has any reservations whatsoever about the dress or any of the other repeats she's planning, better he have a talk with her now and get all that sorted out (to both their satisfaction). It's either that or he's risking a future 'messy' divorce of his own.

at the end of the day ita wedding and ALL weddings are in essence very similar I doubt anyone will notice the dress is the same one she wore before and even if they do its none of anyone else's business.Even the OP ,if the bries new OH is happy for her to wear it and she's doing it for positive reasons then good luck to her.I hope this marriage works out well for them

A dress is a dress. If I loved mine and could still carry it off, I’d definitely be saving the expense and recycling it!
All this symbolism and talk of good and bad luck, jinxes etc is harking back to the dark ages, when ignorance led to superstitions. Many of today’s brides have no idea of the meaning of all the wedding practices and most are not religious in any way. If you own a lovely dress, why spend a small fortune on another, just to wear for one day, then sell on eBay?
As other posters have said, the dress has nothing to with the success or failure of the marriage.

Good, common sense post lilihu, I agree.

I cannot understand from the OP whether the son is actually bothered about this or not? It states that he has offered to buy another dress - but this does not mean that he was upset. At the end of the day it is just a dress - a dress cannot hold any good/bad luck. She might not want to waste £000s on another dress when she has a dress she really likes.

Perhaps she just likes it.

Come on, it is distinctly odd. What could her rationale possible be? There must be 100s of other outfits that would do the job. Even if she looks great in it. I would guess that she is sending a message to her ex. But I imagine your son would have to have a heart to heart to get to the bottom of this.