substance and alcohol abuse

Definitely a problem for our family too. Even those who don't end up as alcoholics seem unable to 'hold' their drink and most are just horrible when they've been drinking. As you can imagine, family parties can be a riot One of my cousins actually had a wedding without booze being available at all to avoid any problems. People moaned a lot initially but it was a very pleasant atmosphere otherwise.

Yogagirl, I am so very sorry, I adored my daughter and what i posted here when she took her life I will repeat -

She was my joy, my tears , my world.

My friend and I were talking about genetics and drinking the other day.
Friends ex husband has a very dysfunctional family, with drink and drugs playing a huge part.
My friends grown up children seem to have followed suit: chaotic lifestyles, fighting, arguments, drink and drugs.

My daughter had post natal depression followed by anxiety and depression, her GP advised a glass of wine in the evenings to relax. She was thirty eight , untill then had no interest in alcohol, had a drink st weddings, parties etc, never bought alcohol for the home. It did relax her and she continued to self medicate , ten years later she took her own life, couldn't cope with the misery it brought her , she left a message saying she was too tired to fight any longer.

My ex partner doesn't live a particularly chaotic life.
He keep his house clean and tidy, and bills are paid.
He doesn't fight, or get particularly aggressive, but he drinks a bottle of rum a day, every day, with more on 'special occasions'.
He enjoys those who tell him what a 'legend' he is, by those who visit, so that they can get plastered too. (Although they rarely see him when he can't keep even water down without vomiting, or worse!)

I don't know anyone else in our family (that includes grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins (first, 2nd, removed several times) and so on, that has a problem with alcohol other than my DS. He was a happy drunk but the alcohol withdrawal symptoms were life threatening. It doesn't always follow that it runs in the family.

Tragic Annniebach I adored my daughter too, loved her with all of my heart and soul. Not sure I should have disclosed what I did here, but the subject was very relevant. I always describe my daughter as sweetness & light, which she was most of the time, but I think she would agree herself that alcohol didn't suit her.

No it doesn't NanaMac let's hope your DS is the only one and it doesn't go further down the line with his children. But with my children's father's family it is definitely there, in the genes.

Anniebach

Yogagirl, I know it sounds hollow after what happened to my daughter but don't give up hope, all we have is love and hope X

Thank you Anniebach that is very kind & thoughtful of you & I appreciate it. xxx

The problem is disentangling an apparent family propensity to alcoholism/substance misuse and appalling family relations/circumstances that can cause generations to seek solace in self-medication. OP was talking in her original post about "taking responsibility for our behaviour" - clearly this has an impact on immediate family but also the NHS. I think one problem is that there are few state resources so GPs tend to offer little help apart from recommending AA - which is not for those who want privacy. There are drugs I believe one can ask for which lessen the inclination to drink - but unless motivated, alcoholics ditch the pills to return to their first love. Private treatment costs an arm and a leg - a PP who mentioned someone going to the Priory would be aware it costs many thousands a week.

appalling family relations ? Ditch the pills to return to their first love ?

Dear God , I give up

Someone upthread referred to the term “functioning alcoholic”. This is absurd. Alcoholics do not function on any level. My mother was an alcoholic and made a hell of my childhood and early adolescence. I struggled with the shame of it, and couldn’t wait to leave home. There were so many contradictions; the once good mother and supportive grandmother who turned into a violent, shameless harridan when she had been drinking, and then the drinking took her over. Only since I married and had a family and had the space and maturity to think about it all, have I been able to come to terms with what made her what she was, though there are so many unanswered questions it breaks my heart that I will never be able to put all the pieces together. When she died I have never shed so many tears.

Greyduster's description fits with my experience of the impact on children of growing up with the inconsistency in parenting, 'the once good mother and supportive grandmother who turned into a violent.....when she'd been drinking and the drinking took her over".
Some alcoholics are "functioning alcoholic's " so far as the outside or working world is concerned. Eventually, most 'functioning alcoholics' lose the ability to function. The drink takes over totally. Until that point they may be seen as "oh, s/he likes a drink", "s/he's a heavy drinker but holds down a responsible job, never late for work, you'd never know the extent of drinking". Greyduster, I suspect that's what the term you objected to was trying to portray. I was lucky in not having an alcoholic parent during my formative years. Friends and loved ones who did, would echo your comments.

The term "Functioning Alcoholic" refers to some who can usually keep on top of all their responsibilities despite their drinking. It can be the mother who waits till all the kids are in bed before she "has to have a drink or 6" but still manages to get up in the morning to do her chores. Or the executive who can still turn up for their job everyday and perform as expected by their bosses. What makes them an alcoholic is their dependence on drink but because they are keeping things together, they are usually in denial about that dependence. As a society we usually think that alcoholism is an out and out drunk but it can be far more subtle than that. That is what makes it so dangerous because by the time it is obvious, it can be very deep rooted.

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I am lucky enough to have been guided into AA and work hard to maintain my sobriety. It is a disease and we say no human power can relieve us of alcoholism or addiction. We therefore believe AA is a spiritual program (not religious) and we decide to hand over out will to a higher power. It is willingness to do this not willfullness. The power must come from a high power and willpower is what keeps us addicted. It is much worse for the people around us and ALANON is a brilliant program to help us with this. The disease removes and destroys everything in its path. I watched my mum, dad and younger sister die horrible deaths due to the disease. I believe the chosen ones get into the doors of AA and that is very very few of us. May God heal your soul and suffering

Looks like a lot of people really have this problem, to be honest, I was always afraid of addictions, I think that people are showing their worst face...

Being addicted means that you are ready to die in a very short time. I know that 'cause I lost a friend. We felt really sorry that we couldn't help him. He was drug-addicted and no one could help him. We even tried to take him to the doctor but he always escaped. Recently I found a sitehttps://www.lifeline.org.uk/heroin-addiction/ that could help him. They are specialized in heroin addicts and as I understood from the reviews that are written on their site they helped a lot of people. You know sometimes I think that we didn't try enough to help our friend. Hope that now he feels better where he is...