Husband going away with friends

To be honest, I wouldn't be very happy about it happening every year but I think that is because I can be a bit possessive and unreasonable at times.

It's probably better that he goes and enjoys himself than stays and feels resentful about it. Presumably when he retires this won't be such an issue.

Yes, thank you Eloethan, I think that is probably part of the reason that I find it difficult too - it's not that I couldn't do the same - I could (if I organised the dogs to be looked after etc), & he would encourage me to do that if I wanted to, I would just rather go with him, and his holiday time is limited. I suppose it's those 'insecurity' demons that rear their ugly heads when he would rather spend that precious holiday time with a friend than me! It's also the way that it has become assumed by him & his friend (who is retired and therefore has unlimited holiday time) rather than something we discuss, given that it also affects me. I think I need to discuss it with him before it builds up & becomes a big thing in my head again (the possible venue next year has already been suggested by his friend).

I wonder if you should make the point about limited time to his friend?
As for your OH’s “friends’ time” it would not be unreasonable to reduce it assuming you and your OH do actually want to go away together more. Not just spend more time decorating/gardening etc.
However I also feel that where partners have different interests there is nothing wrong with pursuing those separately. You are still very young at 55 to be sitting at home settling into “golf widow”mode so perhaps you could also look at doing what YOU want to do .
Dog care can be arranged reasonably easily enough surely?

cupoftea you could always invite all us gnetters around for a super duper party .... wine cupcake brew whilst hes away...... we can bring our own sleeping bags! party till the cows come home..

My husband has always had golfing holidays with friends. Luckily he works for himself so still able to holiday with me.
I actually enjoy the time he's away. I can do exactly as I please. No cooking, watch my favourite TV programmes and read in bed.
I too holiday 2/3 times a year with a girlfriend. Love these girlie times. Sunbathing , shopping and gossiping.

Like many others I am glad of time at home on my own - especially as I am still at the office all day and DH is retired. He goes off for days and sometimes longer with his friends on their cycles. Not so much MAMILs as OMILs.

When I first met him in 1972 his best friend had just been killed; to make it worse, it was on a visit to DH who was an assistant teacher in France at the time. Up until a few years ago, he never replaced this best friend and only had his colleagues and us, his family. Then he got involved with the local Church and was persuaded to join a Gym Club, and has finally found friends again. They are not ideal, but I am pleased he has people of his own age and with the same interests to spend time with.

You were looking forward to going away with him. Perhaps he could cancel just one of his outings per year with his friends to make more room for some time away together with you.

But don't forget to think about what you really want, as others have said, and grab some holiday of your own, on your own!

I would just be happy if my husband had friends to go away with. Neither of us have so a holiday apart would never happen, we don't holiday anyway although we have said we will try to go somewhere later this year. I would enjoy the time you're on your own to do what you like even if it's just to have a spa day and some relaxation. As you both holiday together at other times of the year I don't think it's unreasonable for him to follow his pursuits on his own.

Who not take yourself off on a “solo”holiday? I had a very nice week with “Just You” last year and met some lovely people. It is NOT a “singles” holiday but a holiday for people who wish to travel without a partner, whether by choice or if widowed, etc. It was quite expensive but included a lovely all-inclusive hotel and several trips during the week. It might even make hubbie sit up and take notice if you suddenly announced you were going it alone!! Just a thought.

We lived together for years and mostly went on different holidays mainly because he loved trekking in very difficult places, like Iceland while 8 wanted easy hiking and hot, hot weather. We only got married because just one year we both wanted the same holiday, hence a honeymoon! We have now been married 25 years and still go go away once a year on our own. Love it. Just go for it.

I would love it if my husband went away without me but I appreciate not everyone is the same. Have you a friend you could go away with? A lovely spa hotel, some retail therapy and sun perhaps. If it were a case of H going away but then saying he couldn’t afford a holiday that you wanted to go on I think you would have a point but if money isn’t a problem I would happily wave him and his skis goodbye for a week.

If you have never been away on your own before, sign up for a course run by the Women's Institute at Denman Hall in Oxfordshire. They run all sorts of classes from crafts to philosophy and it is residential, As it is only 4 miles from my home I have only done non-residential courses but they are good fun.

When you are both retired I can guarantee you will be grateful that he has long established sporting interests and hobbies. So many people are at a loss to know what to do with themselves when they retire, and they cling to their partners like a life raft at sea.
Now is the time to develop your own interests so that you can enjoy some independent time/activities on retirement - you will have plenty of time to spend together as well! So book a 'personal interest' holiday for yourself while he's away skiing - either doing something you've always enjoyed, or learn a completely new craft or skill!

alovelycupoftea - you sound lovely. Send your DH off with your blessing and arrange a few treats or outings for yourself a spa day or pedicure or manicure maybe Have fun.

In the twilight years of our marriage kids had left home it was not unusual for myself and DH to have a, him with the lads and myself with the girls holiday, now and then. We did not need each others permission . I know DH and friends' holiday's were boozy ones but so what ? We can't keep them on a leash and I believe we appreciated each other much more for these breaks and it never stopped us from having a couple of weeks a year and several weekend breaks together.

Yes, I agree with other posters, you ABU. It's something your husband likes doing with his mates, and you don't like skiing. Either enjoy the peace and quiet at home for a week or make arrangements to do something you particularly enjoy with your friends.

Like Gilly1952 I have also been on Just You holidays, they have been amazing plus I have met some lovely people, so I highly recommend them.
I also echo Bluebelle’s thoughts on certain GN’s throwing their teddies out of the pram lately when others opinions differ from theirs. We are all different, we are all entitled to our opinions and if we differ with others ... to then turn insulting, is presuming that their opinions are more important than others. This is not the case, we are all equally important and many points of view should be welcomed. Surely this is what this forum is all about.

Going to have a look at "just you" not heard of them before.

I agree you should let him go with your blessing, and do something really nice yourself while he is skiing. But I don't think you are being unreasonable - you have feelings and some thoughts which are troubling you. So you could be kind to yourself, ask yourself why this troubles you as it does, and maybe talk to your husband about it . You can accept that he is going and tell him you want him to have a great time - and that it has brought up some feelings/ fears/thoughts or whatever that you want to talk to him about. You would not be asking him to 'fix' your feelings and thoughts, but simply sharing. Closeness in relationships comes when we can trust and be vulnerable in sharing with each other.

I'd be more than happy for my DH to go off for a week with a friend. I'd spend the week reading, knitting, watching tv, eating my favourite foods, shopping .... You get the picture!

I expect that you'll find something or things which are really interesting and absorbing to do whilst he's away, then he'll spoil it by wanting to tag along!

Have you considered trying to ski yourself? You might just love it. I learned when I was 52 so I could join DH on his annual skiing holidays. I was terrified and hated it the first time I went. I’m scared of heights, speed, slippery surfaces - not easy to avoid when you’re skiing! But I decided to give it another go, had a brilliant, sympathetic instructor and absolutely fell in love with it. We’ve had many wonderful skiing holidays since. But if that’s not for you, as others have said, arrange something lovely for yourself while he’s away so you both have exciting things to share afterwards. I don’t think you were being unreasonable, by the way. You were describing the way you felt and feelings are neither right nor wrong - it’s how we deal with them that matters. You’re obviously dealing very sensibly with those awkward feelings. Have a great time, whatever you decide to do.

Alovelycupofteaa come on one of my art holidays! Seriously there are a lot of special interest holidays around and you can go on your own or with a friend. I have lots of people who come on their own, sometimes because their partner does something else or sometimes because they are widowed or divorced, everyone seems to have a great time because they have a common interest and are in a safe environment, I have a range of experiences amongst my students including total beginners and the more experienced and we include good food and sketching in various lovely places and I'm sure many other places are like that, just ask questions to make sure you get what you want. I'm booked on a holiday I was invited to join with two of my students - textiles in India, textiles are well outside my comfort zone but I know they will help me and we are going to some fab places, my husband is quite happy to stay at home and is having a friend to stay. Go for it or you'll get resentful

I agree with the others who think you are being unreasonable. My husband has gone to France for a week's skiing every February for the last 6 years. I wouldn't have it any other way, even though I live with chronic and progressive illnesses, and don't know how long I've got. He also still works, so of course it is a week out of his annual leave, but I would never dream of complaining about that.

I agree with the previous posters. I think it’s important to develop your own interests and to let him go on holiday with his friend. The more independent you are now, the easier it will be in the future. 55 is no age. Exploring why you have these feelings may be helpful too.

Oh I'd love to have some time on my own to do exactly what I want, something the OH isn't interested in! Have you got mates in the same situation who could go with you? Put the dog in kennels, or maybe with a friendly neighbour? And enjoy!