Weddings/Funerals in particular.

Most crematoriums charge about £900 these days, the alternative - a grave plot plus gravedigger is almost as much. (Excluding headstone)

Neither of my weddings cost over £500, including clothes, reception, flowers and venue. No weddings on horizon, but funerals are currently frequent. Most don't stipulate clothes, and if they do it's no black. My own instructions are bright colours only, green funeral - not cremation - and pagan ceremony, followed by wake at local pub, but don't want to be embalmed, loads of hearses and other accoutrements. DH has made it very clear that he doesn't care - recyclable plastic bag and dump him in the back garden! But I feel that a funeral is to allow closure and should be a celebration of the life of the person concerned. The only expenses should be official disbursements, costs of the celebrant, wages for the gravediggers, a car to carry the body and the mourners, and the wake. Can't believe that that will cost my family (at current prices) around £3000.

This is obviously a serious post, but I'm tempted to add a personal,(male) contribution for a bit of balance and I hope not to tread on any toes by being a bit light-hearted.
This used to get me into trouble with my dear departed Vera; always saying I lacked compassion whereas she was totally and seriously into Weddings/Funerals. I felt I was providing necessary balance and overall it worked out well.
We were married 62 years until death "did us part", so we did something right, I guess!
I'm 90+ years young, on the "cusp" so to speak and beginning to think I'm not immortal after all!
So my next problem is not what to wear or its colour or what my guests might choose to wear, but what model my next vehicle will be: Rolls or Daimler?
I've never been able to afford either, but that will be out of my hands.
Sure to be black though.
Good Health

I have a black fairly straight skirt and a jacket that I keep for formal occasions where black is appropriate. I only ever have worn black for funerals when I was very closely related to the deceased. I have a black summer dress as well and black shoes. Right now I don't have a black coat or a pair of black boots.

As far as weddings, christenings and other joyful occasions go, I rotate my decent dresses and would not go out an buy a dress for the occasion unless I was sure I would want to use it again. However, as photos are taken at weddings, I would not go to both my nieces' weddings in the same dress! Although I don't really know why not, surely the main thing is to be appropriately dressed and it can't really matter if the family have seen the dress before.

I presume it is my company they want not my wardrobe!

The problem with stating the price of an ‘average’ wedding,
Is the same as stating the average price of a detached house in the UK.Yes, you can state the average, but buying a house in London and one in Rotheram will come with hugely different price tags.

Sat 14-Apr-18 10:16:25
Your grammar needs attention

Whose mabon

gabriellag
No, I meant “whose grammar” not “who IS grammar”
I might ask “Who’s mabon ?” but not really interested in who he/she is.

Living in a country where people are buried usually withing 24- 48 hours, no time to buy new clothes. The last I went to those attending just went smart with some in black. I have been to funerals in the UK where people are asked not wear black. The important thing is you are there to support the bereaved and show your respect.

Weddings, again mix and match what is in your wardrope to suit the weather. But something new if you want to but try and make it something you will wear at other occasions.

I was very puzzled by this post as I think I must live in a different world. I like to look nice but would not be bothered if I repeated an outfit, you can always change the look with scarfs etc.

For funerals I simply assess my relationship with the deceased and dress accordingly. Cannot imagine ever buying anything new. Also tend not to attend the 'cup of tea' afterwards in favour of a reflective walk. Intend to make it easy for people at my demise by having a private cremation. As for prospective MoG well.... I speculatively bought an outfit I loved and saw in a sale many years ago. It's still in the wardrobe carefully protected but never worn. I sometimes give it an airing by way of a try-on. Still fits. Still love it. Pretty classic therefore not dated. My sons know nothing of this!

MawBroon

Who's, not whose.

I didn’t realise that people still wore black to funerals. In my circle you are only likely to see black shoes and maybe a black bag, With the exception of a victim of accident or murder, death is part of a natural process and is often a release from the struggle and pain of mental or physical illness. For those who believe in a Deity, it is also the beginning of a new existence free from the sorrows of this world. In fact many families now opt to follow the burial or cremation with what is called in the trade “a service to celebrate the life *****”. ( the deceased) qeither in a place of worship or a hired room, before or combined with the refreshments. The atmosphere is uplifting and informal, there is often a photographic display of the life of the deceased, and people reminisce and and speak freely about the loved one.

Eglantine21
Funerals are v expensive. I can't remember the exact cost when our son died suddenly but it was £5k ish. The plot at the graveyatd was signicant and only ours for 40 years. We could be paying again for one of us.
I can see the reasoning but I can only imagine what it would be like for someone with little money to hand. There is a grant but it does not cover everything. The stress is immeasurable without money worries.

I don't have anything black in my wardrobe. I wore dark colours on the days of removal and funeral service. Similar to family funerals.

Maw I understand you wanting to look your best. Respect and love come into it all.

I just open the wardrobe and get out one of two Phase 8 bargains for every wedding including my sons and find something for funerals. Hate waste and am sure nobody notices/cares!

I'm not having a funeral, I'm going down the Pure Cremation route instead so there will be a party with music and cake at a favourite venue on a date my bd &bs choose, as such it will be wear what you want. No flowers either, I'm asking that people make donations to a charity if they feel like it or send flowers to someone they love instead who will appreciate them cos they won't make any difference to me.

When did it become a necessity to buy clothes for a funeral? Personally I don’t worry about these things as long as one dresses respectfully and shows up to pay homage surely that’s all that’s expected. As for weddings I actually think if you can’t afford a designer label there’s plenty of affordable alternatives out there. Two friends turned up to a posh wedding I went to and had a competition to see who could dress the best charity shop bargain, they both looked fabulous.

I have heard of undertakers’ turf wars in my area decades ago - there were three in a short run of local shops- but when a friend’s child was desperately ill I called in to one of them to find out what was likely to be the cost of a simple funeral, with a mind to raising the money myself as my friend didn’t have a penny in savings. They couldn’t have been kinder and said in the circumstances they would provide a funeral at no cost.
I have been to many funerals and organised one in the last ten years, for young people and old and never heard a complaint that the funeral directors had been other than fair.

mumsyface, I think you must be the most thrifty 'mother of groom'.
Very impressive bargain hunting!

I keep a funeral wardrobe, black tights, 1 pr black shoes, 1 pair black boots, black skirt, black trousers, white shirt, grey black mix jacket. It takes a little bit of space on my hanging rail and I can brighten things up with a scarf. I am not a believer in fashion and would prefer to write meaningful words on a with sympathy card rather than spending time looking for new clothes..

Ooh I just love shopping fir weddings?

I've sorted that ages ago. I don't go to weddings or funerals. I went to my daughter's of course, couldn't let her down for that, but that's my lot. I send flowers to funerals in place of my attendance. After some initial backlash, everyone's got used to me as the person who doesn't go to anything.

Mabon: Attention? Maybe, but so does your punctuation! Get thee to Pedants' Corner!

Thank you Carole. Now that the numbness is wearing off I am finding the prospect of “getting on with my life” harder than I expected. Everybody has been so kind, but the occasional thoughtless remark or unexpected reminder can knock me sideways.
But I’m not the first and I won’t be the last.
Thank you though

I have a funeral coat and a navy dress (vintage 1990's) and a few black outfits. for my DS's wedding, like another poster, I put myself in the hands of a local exclusive dress shop, spent a terrifying amount on a 'designer' outfit and felt uncomfortable all day. It didn't fit properly; why I didn't say at the time I really don't know, but I have worn the jacket a few times and the rest of the outfit has been consigned to the back of the wardrobe. It should be in a charity shop but I expect the frightening cost makes me feel I might just wear it one day. I doubt it though.

At DH's Funeral my DD "borrowed" my lovely black coat, I never got it back but it was getting a bit tight for me. My replacement coat is charcoal grey as I couldn't find a black one, I've had it 4 years & never worn it. I have a couple of black jackets, black trousers & a black skirt. Theses I would team with either a white blouse or an appropriate colour. For DH's Funeral I wore his favourite teal blouse.

My DF died in 1978 & we were all banned from wearing black.

My experience of Funeral Directors is very favourable having organised 3 & will have DM's to deal with in due course, she is 89 but I hope she's around for many more years.

I haven't been to a Wedding for many years now so any invitation would be an excuse for a new outfit but I always shop around for a bargain. I've always either worn something I've already got or bought a new blouse to go with a skirt I already owned

Dear Maw.
I Have been away from gransnet for a while due to technical problems at their end. All is now fixed.
During that time I realise that Paw passed away and we would like to offer you our sincere condolences.
You must still be going through the bereavement process and must miss him very much.
My very best wishes from Carole.

I have been to two funerals were it was specifically requested everyone attending could wear any colour they wanted ....providing it was not black or any other dark subdued colour. The emphasis was on celebrating the life of the deceased person. At two other funerals I have attended where most of the mourners and others did wear black or dark colours it was quite a shock to see the widows on both occasions wearing very vibrant colours which seemed puzzling at the time and made us wonder if we had got it wrong by wearing black. I certainly think things have changed and what was at one time classed as unacceptable to wear anything other than black is not unusual now for different colours to appear. It may also have to do with the type of funeral as well. Weddings......A good local dressmaker can save you a lot of money. Buy your pattern and material and have it made to measure..usually go by word of mouth. Years ago I did a flower arranging course and have since done several wedding flowers for family and friends as my gift to them and saving them extra expense. Basically when it comes down to it...you pay your money and make your choice.