Gransnet forums


Weddings/Funerals in particular.

(141 Posts)
Panache Fri 13-Apr-18 09:34:51

Any thoughts on the exasperating high cost of clothes and all the trimmings required for these musts in our life..........Weddings and Funerals?
The costs of both are escalating at an alarming rate.Of course there are options, but in both instances we do tend to do the best we possibly can,so feel we are fast being taken advantage of.

Be interesting to hear about the ones perhaps out of the norm and where corners have been cut,costs kept to a minimum and yet no one felt cheated, but found it remained a moving Service and all that goes with it.
Black clothes have notoriously carried a higher price tag and I think the sooner we rebel and perhaps opt for colours the better.Many are doing just that,and quite frankly, can you blame them?
After all the deceased will be no better or worse off!.

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.
Have you planned something special for the day you hang up your hat,or perhaps you don the" could`nt care less" attitude,after all you will not be around and truly compus mentus to enjoy or hate the Service!!

Of course Weddings can often be a case of following “The Jones” and that can be a real headache........especially to one`s bank balance.
Weddings of course are a totally different story from Funerals, and I suppose there will be many watching and drinking in all aspects of the forthcoming Royal Wedding ...........planning one as near to what they will have witnessed despite the huge cost?!

We may have partaken of the Wedding part ourselves already, but we all have "the other" at some point of our lives.............this we cannot escape!

Marydoll Fri 13-Apr-18 09:49:07

My friend's son was married last week. She looked absolutely fabulous, like someone at a society wedding.
Her shoes were £4, her hat £2 and her dress and jacket, £10, all from a charity shop. I was fooled into thinking she had spent thousands on her outfit. She has a knack for finding bargains like that.
No-one at the wedding realised and she told no-one apart from myself and another friend..
She is very well off, but gets lots of pleasure in finding designer bargains.

annodomini Fri 13-Apr-18 09:52:25

I doubt if anyone would notice if one wore the same outfit for more than one funeral. I have worn grey and navy for funerals - rarely black. One friend had asked her family to wear her favourite colour - turquoise - at her funeral. I wore the same outfit (lilac) to three weddings in one year as there was likely to be little or no overlap in the guest lists: one in the Highlands, one in Edinburgh and one in New Zealand. I still have that outfit but seem to have run out of weddings.

MawBroon Fri 13-Apr-18 09:57:39

The only funeral I bought a new coat for was Paw’s
Perhaps retail therapy but I wanted to look my best for him.

Anniebach Fri 13-Apr-18 10:02:12

Maw, it was the same for me when my husband died, I was criticised for wearing lipstick ?, I just wanted to look my best for him.

annsixty Fri 13-Apr-18 10:03:28

It is years since I went to a wedding and none on the horizon.
Unless it was a GC I would be unlikely to accept.
I have been to lots of funerals in past years and have opted for black" bottoms" a white blouse and a long black cardigan , unless no black was requested.
Until a few years ago I believed it was disrespectful to wear trousers to a funeral but that has gone by the board now as times change, but I do hold on to a black , long skirt if I feel it is more appropriate.
I never wear hats to funerals, don't know why ,I just don't, I don't think I would wear one to a wedding now either.

Eglantine21 Fri 13-Apr-18 10:12:07

Wearing black can't be a problem. The shops are full of nothing else. Tesco or Asda if you're hard up. But I can't think there's a woman out there that hasn't got something black.

I have one posh dress that I wear to any wedding. Plain navy, a great cut and ring the changes with (cheap) accessories. It's about 15 years old.

Actually, given the quality of service from the undertakers at my husband's funeral, I didn't feel at all ripped off. I thought it was a fair price for what they did.

petra Fri 13-Apr-18 10:27:36

My body will go to medical science, as will my OHs. The only expense will be the party after to celebrate our lives grin
My MIL wore a beautiful pink suit to my FILs funeral. She looked fabulous. He was a wonderful life and soul of the party sort of person and would have hated anything dour and morbid.

Anniebach Fri 13-Apr-18 10:33:09

My husband died over forty years ago and black was worn at funerals then. If now I think I would wear red because of the Welsh Dragon, he would very much approve of this ?, i dislike black and red

baubles Fri 13-Apr-18 10:38:51

I have one black shift dress which I’ve had for years and wear to some funerals, to others I’ll wear a black skirt and grey or black top. I don’t think it would be the norm to buy a new outfit for each funeral.

As for weddings or other dressy events I’ve got three dresses which I rotate and hopefully they’ll see me out. wink

MawBroon Fri 13-Apr-18 10:42:46

Anniebach flowersflowers

wildswan16 Fri 13-Apr-18 11:07:44

Nobody has to spend a lot of money for such occasions. There is no reason not to wear the same outfit to ten weddings in a row. The only reason some people don't is that they think they will be ridiculed in some way for doing so. It's another form of "keeping up with the Joneses".

(or possibly they are just shopaholics who use it as an excuse for another shopping expedition).

paddyann Fri 13-Apr-18 11:18:02

I have a wedding coming up in summer,I cant see anything in the shops that I like and decided to wear a lovely dress and jacket I bought for my god daughters wedding 7 years ago.Well you'd think I'd committed a crime ,my OH ,my D and my friend all think I cant possibly wear the same outfit...even though its very unlikely there will be an overlap of guests .I think I'll stick with it though seems a shame not to give it another outing

MissAdventure Fri 13-Apr-18 11:20:53

Its rare that I ever buy new, including for funerals and weddings.
I like to think I have my own 'style' (baglady)

MawBroon Fri 13-Apr-18 11:26:44

However to be fair, the outfit can be the least of it. And I disagree that black, navy or grey for funerals is more expensive!
If a wedding is some distance away, adding in overnight accommodation (even a Travelodge ) the present, flights or fares/fuel, taxis to the venue or parking. And of course the present.
Even without the outfit, you can be shelling out £ 100- 200 or more (sometimes much more! )
Of course we want to look our best especially for a family wedding (*those *pictures) but I will admit I have turned down invitations (from people we were not especially close to ) before now because of the overall expense.

The potential expense of Paws funeral worried me before he died, but the local undertakers were so nice and helpful and not ridiculously expensive. We chose the simplest oak coffin, natural fibre linings, a simple but beautiful spray for the top of the coffin made by a semi professional florist friend, bought a plot in the village churchyard and held the wake in the village pub who did all the catering. The DDs put a tab behind the bar and SIL organised the service sheets (and I suppose paid for them too, I forgot to ask!)
In total probably £5000 IMO not huge costs.

stella1949 Fri 13-Apr-18 11:39:24

I've been to my share of funerals but can't recall many folks wearing black. Most just wear a nice colour. I've never bought new clothes for funerals . For weddings I've got a couple of nice outfits , and I might add some new accessories. No need to break the bank.

M0nica Fri 13-Apr-18 11:44:54

It would never occur to me to buy new clothes for a funeral. I have a set of weeds hanging in the back of the wardrobe that can be worn with or without a jacket or coat, depending on the weather - and have been fulfilling that purpose for about 5 years now.

As for weddings, once again, I would rarely go out and buy a whole new outfit, I might by a bag and shoes or accessories for an existing outfit. I didn't even buy a new outfit for DS's wedding. That wasn't intentional, but after 3 months fruitless search to find anything I liked and could wear afterwards, I asked all involved if the would mind me wearing a nice silk suit I had that had only been worn twice in three years. Everyone was happy. I had new accessories and added some braid to the suit and it was fine.

I have a wedding coming up this summer and I intend to wear a vintage 1960s Jaeger dress that I bought in a charity shop several years ago and have worn for several similar events since I bought it. As for hats!! I didn't wear one at DS's wedding and will not be wearing one this summer.

Apart from the present DH and I will be paying for B&B for several nights. When we visit DS and family we usually sleep at his DMiL's, but she is the mother of the bride so, as DS hasn't room for us, so we will just book a B&B.

Granny23 Fri 13-Apr-18 11:50:26

My BFF, who is not at all well off, put herself in the hands of a wedding shop and appeared at her DD's wedding in a Mother of the Bride outfit, which did not suit her in any way, cost a fortune, was uncomfortable - in short she was 'lost' in it.

I went shopping with her a couple of years later for her son's wedding. We found the perfect dress in the M & S sale which fitted perfectly, and made her look lovely. BUT she would not buy it because it was only £20!!! She felt that she must spend the same amount on this outfit as she had on the one for her daughter's wedding.

I more or less forced her to buy the dress, if not for the wedding then for some other occasion. Having found nothing else that she liked, she did wear the £20 dress for the wedding. However, to salve her conscience, she bought the most expensive accessories she could find.

Pittcity Fri 13-Apr-18 12:04:06

I have several mix and match tops, cardigan, jacket, trousers in black/grey which are worn all the time and also for funerals.
The only time I splashed out for a wedding was when I was Mother of the Bride.
I have just bought a Primark dress for £10 which I will wear for an autumn wedding this year with coat/shoes/bag that I already own.
As others have said travel, accommodation and other costs add up.

Daddima Fri 13-Apr-18 12:07:19

Talk of black for funerals reminds me of my mother’s friend, whose husband was dying. His sister came to visit, and as she was leaving he asked if she’d be back the next day. She said she wouldn’t, as she was going into town to look for a black frock!
Two friends and I are about the same size, so between us we can usually find something to suit ‘ occasions’!

janeainsworth Fri 13-Apr-18 12:27:37

I don’t understand the concern about wearing an outfit more than once.
Does anyone ever remember what other people wore?

Maggiemaybe Fri 13-Apr-18 12:47:14

No they don't, janea. I don't get the concern either.

For the wedding of one of my own DDs, I chose a dress I'd worn a couple of years earlier, on New Year's Eve. It was perfect for both occasions. And it was from the M & S sale. grin I did splash out on a new bag and hair thingy though.

I've a selection of black outfits for funerals, which are sadly more common than weddings on my calendar now.

PamelaJ1 Fri 13-Apr-18 12:52:34

It’s surely a matter of choice isn’t it?
I wore perfectly nice dresses to both of my daughters weddings but they didn’t cost a fortune and were proper frocks that I have and still do wear.
As for funerals, haven’t we all got a pair of black trousers or a skirt? People seem to wear whatever they like these days and no one bats an eyelid.

Witzend Fri 13-Apr-18 13:33:19

I would never buy anything specially for a funeral. And the only wedding I have bought a new dress or outfit for in many years was my own dd's.
I would always try to wear something dark-ish or at least a bit sober for a funeral, unless requested otherwise, though I think it's expected less and less.

My father hated black, and he particularly hated my mother in black. So nobody wore black at his funeral and my mother wore a cheerful red floral dress he'd always liked.

winterwhite Fri 13-Apr-18 14:07:23

I’d feel uneasy wearing trousers, even smart black trousers, to a funeral, don’t quite know why. Happily recycle wedding outfits.