Weddings/Funerals in particular.

mumsyface, I think you must be the most thrifty 'mother of groom'.
Very impressive bargain hunting!

I have heard of undertakers’ turf wars in my area decades ago - there were three in a short run of local shops- but when a friend’s child was desperately ill I called in to one of them to find out what was likely to be the cost of a simple funeral, with a mind to raising the money myself as my friend didn’t have a penny in savings. They couldn’t have been kinder and said in the circumstances they would provide a funeral at no cost.
I have been to many funerals and organised one in the last ten years, for young people and old and never heard a complaint that the funeral directors had been other than fair.

When did it become a necessity to buy clothes for a funeral? Personally I don’t worry about these things as long as one dresses respectfully and shows up to pay homage surely that’s all that’s expected. As for weddings I actually think if you can’t afford a designer label there’s plenty of affordable alternatives out there. Two friends turned up to a posh wedding I went to and had a competition to see who could dress the best charity shop bargain, they both looked fabulous.

I'm not having a funeral, I'm going down the Pure Cremation route instead so there will be a party with music and cake at a favourite venue on a date my bd &bs choose, as such it will be wear what you want. No flowers either, I'm asking that people make donations to a charity if they feel like it or send flowers to someone they love instead who will appreciate them cos they won't make any difference to me.

I just open the wardrobe and get out one of two Phase 8 bargains for every wedding including my sons and find something for funerals. Hate waste and am sure nobody notices/cares!

Eglantine21
Funerals are v expensive. I can't remember the exact cost when our son died suddenly but it was £5k ish. The plot at the graveyatd was signicant and only ours for 40 years. We could be paying again for one of us.
I can see the reasoning but I can only imagine what it would be like for someone with little money to hand. There is a grant but it does not cover everything. The stress is immeasurable without money worries.

I don't have anything black in my wardrobe. I wore dark colours on the days of removal and funeral service. Similar to family funerals.

Maw I understand you wanting to look your best. Respect and love come into it all.

I didn’t realise that people still wore black to funerals. In my circle you are only likely to see black shoes and maybe a black bag, With the exception of a victim of accident or murder, death is part of a natural process and is often a release from the struggle and pain of mental or physical illness. For those who believe in a Deity, it is also the beginning of a new existence free from the sorrows of this world. In fact many families now opt to follow the burial or cremation with what is called in the trade “a service to celebrate the life *****”. ( the deceased) qeither in a place of worship or a hired room, before or combined with the refreshments. The atmosphere is uplifting and informal, there is often a photographic display of the life of the deceased, and people reminisce and and speak freely about the loved one.

MawBroon

Who's, not whose.

For funerals I simply assess my relationship with the deceased and dress accordingly. Cannot imagine ever buying anything new. Also tend not to attend the 'cup of tea' afterwards in favour of a reflective walk. Intend to make it easy for people at my demise by having a private cremation. As for prospective MoG well.... I speculatively bought an outfit I loved and saw in a sale many years ago. It's still in the wardrobe carefully protected but never worn. I sometimes give it an airing by way of a try-on. Still fits. Still love it. Pretty classic therefore not dated. My sons know nothing of this!

Living in a country where people are buried usually withing 24- 48 hours, no time to buy new clothes. The last I went to those attending just went smart with some in black. I have been to funerals in the UK where people are asked not wear black. The important thing is you are there to support the bereaved and show your respect.

Weddings, again mix and match what is in your wardrope to suit the weather. But something new if you want to but try and make it something you will wear at other occasions.

I was very puzzled by this post as I think I must live in a different world. I like to look nice but would not be bothered if I repeated an outfit, you can always change the look with scarfs etc.

Sat 14-Apr-18 10:16:25
Your grammar needs attention

Whose mabon

gabriellag
No, I meant “whose grammar” not “who IS grammar”
I might ask “Who’s mabon ?” but not really interested in who he/she is.

The problem with stating the price of an ‘average’ wedding,
Is the same as stating the average price of a detached house in the UK.Yes, you can state the average, but buying a house in London and one in Rotheram will come with hugely different price tags.

I have a black fairly straight skirt and a jacket that I keep for formal occasions where black is appropriate. I only ever have worn black for funerals when I was very closely related to the deceased. I have a black summer dress as well and black shoes. Right now I don't have a black coat or a pair of black boots.

As far as weddings, christenings and other joyful occasions go, I rotate my decent dresses and would not go out an buy a dress for the occasion unless I was sure I would want to use it again. However, as photos are taken at weddings, I would not go to both my nieces' weddings in the same dress! Although I don't really know why not, surely the main thing is to be appropriately dressed and it can't really matter if the family have seen the dress before.

I presume it is my company they want not my wardrobe!

This is obviously a serious post, but I'm tempted to add a personal,(male) contribution for a bit of balance and I hope not to tread on any toes by being a bit light-hearted.
This used to get me into trouble with my dear departed Vera; always saying I lacked compassion whereas she was totally and seriously into Weddings/Funerals. I felt I was providing necessary balance and overall it worked out well.
We were married 62 years until death "did us part", so we did something right, I guess!
I'm 90+ years young, on the "cusp" so to speak and beginning to think I'm not immortal after all!
So my next problem is not what to wear or its colour or what my guests might choose to wear, but what model my next vehicle will be: Rolls or Daimler?
I've never been able to afford either, but that will be out of my hands.
Sure to be black though.
Good Health

Neither of my weddings cost over £500, including clothes, reception, flowers and venue. No weddings on horizon, but funerals are currently frequent. Most don't stipulate clothes, and if they do it's no black. My own instructions are bright colours only, green funeral - not cremation - and pagan ceremony, followed by wake at local pub, but don't want to be embalmed, loads of hearses and other accoutrements. DH has made it very clear that he doesn't care - recyclable plastic bag and dump him in the back garden! But I feel that a funeral is to allow closure and should be a celebration of the life of the person concerned. The only expenses should be official disbursements, costs of the celebrant, wages for the gravediggers, a car to carry the body and the mourners, and the wake. Can't believe that that will cost my family (at current prices) around £3000.

Most crematoriums charge about £900 these days, the alternative - a grave plot plus gravedigger is almost as much. (Excluding headstone)

For my New Zealand Son's wedding I bought not much a bias cut, double layered fantastic dress in Navy Blue, for DS2 wedding I teamed two separate ensembles - could not wear the same outfit as DS1 - for DD wedding in London was allowed to release my inner hippy and dress accordingly. DS3 does not appear to follow his sibling's footsteps. For DS1 wedding I went to a bridal shop and was appalled at the idiotic prices for something that was not going to be comfortable, refused to feel guilty and not bankrupt. Dress I finally found is worn fairly often but, together with a number of other long dresses, needs 2 - 3 inches lopping off because I have shrunk!

What do folk think about the Bride's Mother clad in white taffeta? I am not a fan.

Apologies as I haven't read the whole thread (in Africa with a dodgy connection) but I just want to say that I give little thought to what I am going to wear at funerals because IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!
That applies to weddings too but I do try to look my best. Within my means that is!

I tend to wear sober colours for funerals (such as grey or navy) as I don't possess anything in black as it is one my least favourite colours.
For weddings I obviously choose something jollier in a pastel shade but as I'm not 'significant' enough for it to matter I don't buy anything new. I feel that a smart top and trousers is quite enough, frankly.

I've got 2 smart suits, one black and one grey, that I wear to funerals. Unfortunately I have had a fair few funerals to attend in recent years and have taken to calling my grey suit 'my funeral suit'! I've had both for about 20+ years but they do not look at all dated - timeless classics maybe. Rarely been to weddings and wouldn't buy an outfit anyway - I'd just find a nice dress or suit to wear from existing wardrobe.

Have found my best fit with various labels ..... Then straight onto eBay ..... Haven't paid full price for years ...

I've heard of lots of M of the B getting their outfits on ebay and one recently who wore a dress from Asda. All looked good.
Also know of a couple who looked around at new outfits for themselves to wear to a family wedding then decided the expense was too much, and wore what they had then gave the unspent money to the newlyweds. Brilliant idea.

My DH died in winter and we requested no black for his funeral. I then realised that my winter wardrobe was almost entirely black and had to try to find a bright top to wear, not that easy when winter clothes tend to be muted colours. Looking back now I think how he would have laughed at me!

My husband died a year ago - April 2017 - and I wore black pants with a simple cream silk blouse which had a tiny floral pattern on it. The day of his funeral was a beautiful May sunny day with blue skies and a warm breeze. Friends commented on how nice my outfit was and there have been two funerals since then. I have never worn the outfit again.

ThreexNanny And I know of one MoB who took the outfit home to 'try on and check that it matched', returning it to the shop on the Monday (after the wedding) saying that the Bride 2 B didn't like it.

This was recently, after they stopped having wedding photos in the local paper.