Weddings/Funerals in particular.

I am not sure either that most weddings and even less funerals are OTT. Most funerals I have attended are cremation services, some with a preceding religious service, with family flowers only and donations to charity and then refreshements at the home or in the local pub. Hardly OTT.

I know there are a significant number of OTT weddings, but most? Not in my experience. Most people cannot afford them.

of course, kindness and compassion - and cheque book or credit card.

anno- plenty, I can assure you.

And of course, there are good, bad and worse- both in UK (40 years experience) and where I currently live.

We also know of friends who were made to feel extremely guilty about trying to limit cost of funerals they could not afford.

I've got black trousers and sweaters and my ancient Winter coat is black. My less ancient everyday coat is grey and black, no problem to wear black for funeral's . I bought a smart black top for my 85 year old aunt's funeral because she always looked great and loved fashion and I knew I'd wear it again and think of her.
A friend always dressed in flamboyant, bright, in your face colours. At her untimely funeral I wore black out of respect for her mother and siblings. Afterwards several men opened coats to reveal jazzy ties underneath and I pulled out my rainbow scarf from under a black raincoat! It truly was 'what she would have wanted' I'm sure.

That has been my experience too anno, and of course they would quickly go out of business of they didn't treat bereaved families with kindness and compassion.

Hardly surprising from somebody who appears to know so much more about what goes on in the UK than those of us who live here.
Our undertakers are an old family firm, I know both the senior partner and one of the ladies in the office who is a near neighbour and I cannot speak too highly of them.

That should, of course, read 'one funeral.

Extraordinary generalisation from Jura re undertakers. What evidence do you have to back this up? Fortunately, I have only ever had to organise a funeral and the undertaker could not have been kinder, more considerate or more efficient; and worth every penny of his fee.

I plan to have a private burial, then a service of thanksgiving, for both myself and DH. So no funeral clothes will be expected or needed for the service.

As for weddings, I did buy a decent outfit for the weddings of each of my children, for the photos if no other reason.
But I wore one outfit again for a graduation, and the other for a christening. One no longer fits me, though I live in hope. The other hangs in the wardrobe in readiness for a special summer occasion, which never happens. But no regrets that I bought it.
For DD's second wedding, I wore a plain dress I had had for a few years, with new accessories, costing not very much.
There is no need to spend a fortune.
Actually recently I could have bought a Jacques Vert outfit for £29 in a sale!

Both are massively over-priced and over the top. And it is BIG (massive) business- both. And some would not believe the underhand (undertakers') shenanigans behind the scenes to try and keep their corner of the market

Well thanks a bunch jura , soul of tact as usual.
If I didn’t find it so crass and downright thoughtless to those of us recently bereaved (5 months) I might challenge your damning generalisation as being ill- timed and only a matter of opinion anyway.
I wouldn’t have called our daughters’ weddings whatever it was you said either. ?

Both are massively over-priced and over the top. And it is BIG (massive) business- both. And some would not believe the underhand (undertakers') shenanigans behind the scenes to try and keep their corner of the market.

I bought a new black jacket ( to replace an old black jacket) to wear at funerals, and would wear it with a grey skirt and a pale top.
After three AC weddings and not one of them wearing a MOB outfit, just what I felt happy in and would look fine in the photos, I would now wear a dress ( I have several) with
A wrap or a jacket for any weddings, and no hat.
Like most of us, I love a bargain.

I go to a lot of weddings and funerals as I'm often asked to do a reading. I did have three wedding outfits, but have put on a bit of weight so I must either slim down (I'm trying!!) or buy another dress for the next wedding, which is in July - hats, shoes and bags are boxed up waiting for the next 'occasion'. As a Chaplain I attend a lot of funerals and I have three black dresses for 'traditional' funerals. Occasionally relatives ask for a certain colour to be worn and I usually wear black or grey with a scarf of the requested colour.

Thankfully gone are those days when you had to have the best and then were stuck with it.............plus that hat!!!.............

I thought this habit of buying new clothes for life events was a recent development. When I and my friends were marrying, roughly 1965-75, I do not remember any of us feeling a need to buy new outfits for every wedding. I am not entirely convinced that my mother wore anything new at my wedding, she might have bought a hat.

I've had 2 weddings to go to this year - my niece's in January and my son's last month. I was pleased to find a nice dress and jacket in a charity shop for my niece's just £8 in total. I bought shoes and bag that would do for both for £29 for shoes (supposed to be £79) and £12 for the bag. Treated mysel to a new dress for son's - most I'd spent on a dress at £45!
For my husband funeral nearly 18 months ago I got a navy dress in the sales for £17. Wore it again when my work friends persuaded me to go out on Christmas do. All the men at Alan's funeral wore black but only because they dressed as he always did. He always wore a short sleeved black shirt and black trousers so they all got the same and wore their shirts untucked as he did! At my brother-in-law's funeral 3 years before the brothers and his girlfriend wore Hawaiian shirts as he'd loved it there. The priest commented how lovely they all looked.

I have been pleasantly surprised to read that it would seem
that in the main, you are all quite canny where spending money is concerned for what can well be both an expensive Wedding........ or indeed Funeral.
It is such a welcome change not having to be attired top to toe in black for funerals nowadays, just like the services
which reflect the joy of the deceased`s life and is more of a celebration .
As for weddings, again a matter of choice and you are so right in saying that recycled clothing can fit the bill nicely.Thankfully gone are those days when you had to have the best and then were stuck with it.............plus that hat!!!.............for probably the rest days of your life, simply taking up space and gathering dust at the back of your wardrobe!!
Like most of you I always have a few sombre clothes that can always do their turn at a funeral,but can well be worn for any other occasion.... adding perhaps a colourful top.Whilst I find Trouser suits have proved a good buy for these more formal requirements plus many other occasions,again very dependant on what you choose to wear as accessories.I have yet not found a hat that does anything for me so the fact they are being chosen less and less,whatever the occasion suits me fine,in fact I heave a great sigh of relief...........something less to buy or worry about!

Having splashed out for a rather special white wedding first time round, my second was totally the opposite and yet the pictures looked equally as lovely.
I wore a simple winter white simple woollen dress with long sleeves trimmed with gold,shoes and hair ornaments in gold and I carried a simple white bible with a spray of Christmas roses (it was a Christmas Wedding)
Which meant I could happily wear the dress time and time again, thus getting good wear whilst my first wedding dress just simply lay in its cover, unused over the years.

As prices have risen.........and I think our ages reflect the fact we are far cannier these days,but we need a good wearing from anything we purchase,whether expensive or a Charity shop find.

Funerals,I think I will by pass talking about that!Although certainly a sure necessity in life!

I’d feel uneasy wearing trousers, even smart black trousers, to a funeral, don’t quite know why. Happily recycle wedding outfits.

I would never buy anything specially for a funeral. And the only wedding I have bought a new dress or outfit for in many years was my own dd's.
I would always try to wear something dark-ish or at least a bit sober for a funeral, unless requested otherwise, though I think it's expected less and less.

My father hated black, and he particularly hated my mother in black. So nobody wore black at his funeral and my mother wore a cheerful red floral dress he'd always liked.

It’s surely a matter of choice isn’t it?
I wore perfectly nice dresses to both of my daughters weddings but they didn’t cost a fortune and were proper frocks that I have and still do wear.
As for funerals, haven’t we all got a pair of black trousers or a skirt? People seem to wear whatever they like these days and no one bats an eyelid.

No they don't, janea. I don't get the concern either.

For the wedding of one of my own DDs, I chose a dress I'd worn a couple of years earlier, on New Year's Eve. It was perfect for both occasions. And it was from the M & S sale. I did splash out on a new bag and hair thingy though.

I've a selection of black outfits for funerals, which are sadly more common than weddings on my calendar now.

I don’t understand the concern about wearing an outfit more than once.
Does anyone ever remember what other people wore?

Talk of black for funerals reminds me of my mother’s friend, whose husband was dying. His sister came to visit, and as she was leaving he asked if she’d be back the next day. She said she wouldn’t, as she was going into town to look for a black frock!
Two friends and I are about the same size, so between us we can usually find something to suit ‘ occasions’!

I have several mix and match tops, cardigan, jacket, trousers in black/grey which are worn all the time and also for funerals.
The only time I splashed out for a wedding was when I was Mother of the Bride.
I have just bought a Primark dress for £10 which I will wear for an autumn wedding this year with coat/shoes/bag that I already own.
As others have said travel, accommodation and other costs add up.

My BFF, who is not at all well off, put herself in the hands of a wedding shop and appeared at her DD's wedding in a Mother of the Bride outfit, which did not suit her in any way, cost a fortune, was uncomfortable - in short she was 'lost' in it.

I went shopping with her a couple of years later for her son's wedding. We found the perfect dress in the M & S sale which fitted perfectly, and made her look lovely. BUT she would not buy it because it was only £20!!! She felt that she must spend the same amount on this outfit as she had on the one for her daughter's wedding.

I more or less forced her to buy the dress, if not for the wedding then for some other occasion. Having found nothing else that she liked, she did wear the £20 dress for the wedding. However, to salve her conscience, she bought the most expensive accessories she could find.

It would never occur to me to buy new clothes for a funeral. I have a set of weeds hanging in the back of the wardrobe that can be worn with or without a jacket or coat, depending on the weather - and have been fulfilling that purpose for about 5 years now.

As for weddings, once again, I would rarely go out and buy a whole new outfit, I might by a bag and shoes or accessories for an existing outfit. I didn't even buy a new outfit for DS's wedding. That wasn't intentional, but after 3 months fruitless search to find anything I liked and could wear afterwards, I asked all involved if the would mind me wearing a nice silk suit I had that had only been worn twice in three years. Everyone was happy. I had new accessories and added some braid to the suit and it was fine.

I have a wedding coming up this summer and I intend to wear a vintage 1960s Jaeger dress that I bought in a charity shop several years ago and have worn for several similar events since I bought it. As for hats!! I didn't wear one at DS's wedding and will not be wearing one this summer.

Apart from the present DH and I will be paying for B&B for several nights. When we visit DS and family we usually sleep at his DMiL's, but she is the mother of the bride so, as DS hasn't room for us, so we will just book a B&B.