Hurt and feeling unappreciated

...but he texted her HappyMothers Day he didn’t forget and the poster said he’s not sent cards for years, I don’t understand what she was expecting Or why it was more disappointing than other years
Does dad get a card in Father’s Day ?

I have five sons and no daughters. This year I got 2 mothers day cards. My youngest son always remembers. One son was living with us and doesn't really believe in sending cards but my DH persuaded him that I like cards so he managed a card and a box of chocs. The other 3 sons were away travelling and my DH e mailed them to tell them it was Mothers Day so I got the odd text from them. Even when they are all in the UK I don't do very well. I envy friends with girls who make a big fuss. I do feel hurt. I feel I have tried to be a good and conscientious mum and it is upsetting. I just think most lads just don't get it. My youngest is the exception in our bunch. I don't expect a lot. A box of Maltesers would delight me!! So Emm I do understand but do continue to be loving and giving and a great example to your kids. Enjoy your daughter's card and present and be grateful you haven't only got sons!!

To be honest I get the feeling the crux of the ill feeling here is that you didn’t get a card from your grandchild.

OFCOURSE you didn’t! You aren’t the mother! You are only a grandmother and you are not unique, there are two or more of you and you are as related to the child as much as you son or daughters siblings, who I assume don’t throw a fit over not getting a Mother’s day card.

Maybe they should just change it to being a grandparent, take away the mother/father part...you don’t play that role, nor will you if the family is stable, you are just another part of a big extended family.

Get over your jealousy and just enjoy your relationship.

Sons are all different, it isn’t that all men forget about their Mothers once they are married and have children.
It’s their characters, daughters can be just as loving ( or as thoughtless) as sons.Mine always remember Mothers Day with a card and a gift, and totally unprompted too.Same with birthdays and Christmas.
Emm stop over giving! Be generous with your time( if you can) and always be helpful to them but cut out gifts and money.

What a strange thing to think Youngatheart ???

I understand you being hurt Emm but the family have a lot going on with the new baby, don't let this small thing spoil your relationship. I think you feel resentful about all your gifts and help being unappreciated and it has focussed on Mother's Day. As its not usual for them to send a card or gift then perhaps you need to talk about this and maybe slow down with the 'over giving ' .

Youngatheart, where does your theory come from? I’ve never heard of a GM expecting any sort of card from a baby.

Thank you ladies, very wise words - apart from youngatheart - what the heck are you on about??!

I guess Mother’s Day just made me realise how unappreciated I am; I am certainly taking the advice on here about be a little less giving and not quite so quick to spend my hard earned cash on treats for them all for example, meals out, baby equipment, duty free makeup (DIL)!, baby toys, clothes, work related expense (DS) and groceries.

Good for you Emm ??

While we’re on the subject of new babies, I’m sick and tired of excuses being made because there’s a new baby in the house. What a load of balony it is that this new arrival is totally able to disrupt everything and everybody. FFS I had to go back to work when my first baby was only 6 weeks old, that was the norm in those days AND my DH didn’t have paternity leave.

Get a grip you young mothers!

Haha - I’m hearing you OldMeg! We were made of tougher stuff ?

You list the things you spend your money on Emm don’t we all do that without any expectations of having it returned
I think you are thinking of your son in the same way you think of a friend ...I take you out to dinner so next time we go out you treat me, but honest children even adult ones don’t always think like that, they ve probably had eighteen years of being look after and looked out for it, doesn’t suddenly change because they ‘grow up’ especially if you still keep handing out BUT. what does happen it’s now it’s your choice how much to give adult children and grandchildren
All the things you list are just a pleasure for you to be able to give apart from the last two which I would only consider if they were really struggling I only have a pension coming in but I don’t get that much pleasure spending on myself (apart from my garden) but I get HUGE pleasure giving to my kids and grandkids expecting absolutely nothing back once you start listing it and feeling disappointed that nothings returned best you stop before resentment builds up
OldMeg I tend to agree with you it s all very princessy now isn’t it gone are the days we give birth in the bathroom then go and cook dinner for six ???

I have many friends who expect a card on mother’s day from their grandchildren-it’s absurd.
If that’s how it goes, all female relatives should get one then.

Old meg a lot has changed since your day....
Although my daughter had to go back to work after 2 months since she was self employed, so nothing princessy about the women of today either. I think to tar all young mothers with the same brush is unfair.

To the OP, I don’t know why you expect so much from this young family. Surely you do everything you have done because you can and because you want to, out of love, NOT because you are waiting for gifts in return.

Your son acknowledged mother’s day, he sent you a text. DIL isn’t your daughter, I’m sure she says thank you when you do nice things for them. It’s all very petty to get your knickers in a twist about a silly commercialised holiday and not receiving a card. Go ahead and stop giving support and doing nice things, then when they are confused and ask you further down the line what has gone wrong, you can tell them it’s all because you didn’t get a Mother’s Day card or gift and then we’ll see what happens.....

Regarding being made of tougher stuff- My MIL tells me all the time she was kept in hospital for 2 weeks and in her day women weren't allowed back to work after children! Whereas now a days we are let out of hospital the same day and then expected to host everyone who wants to see the baby at our houses and if we don't invite the whole family we are a 'princess'! Its hard for new mums as well as I know you said you went back at work at 6 weeks but now NHS says we need to breastfeed for at least 6 months and I'm not sure if you remember from your experiences but babies eat every half hour-hour in the day and as well as this you have to do all the usuals like clean the house, wash clothes and all the blooming cloth nappies, make meals, and send your mother in law a mother's Day cards as she buys you stuff from the duty free! How did this post about a forgetful son turn into discussion about the poor DIL! Also you still haven't responded if you sent her a card or text as it was her first mother's Day? Maybe she feels unappreciated! I know I will feel sad if my son doesn't get me a card but I hope I never blame his wife as it's not her fault!

Febmum you ve taken my posting wrong I don’t think anyone should have to entertain family when they bring a new baby home I think they should be allowed to settle in as a little family before others start bombing in
Don’t know why your mum in law had two weeks in hospital I had 48 hours and I m old
NHS can advise breastfeeding but that’s your choice all the other things you mention are/were done whatever era you come from
The rest I agree with a big fuss about nothing I don’t even stop to feel hurt at the lack of a commercial card which doesn’t equate to being loved

Continue to give support for your grandchild but relegate your son and DinL to just texts now on any of their special occasions and see how they like it. People should reap what they sow. Too much advice on here to just suck it up and be walked over.

Yes, that's happened to me too, and you DO feel hurt & miffed & "don't they love me?" But of course what counts isn't a card but how do they treat you the rest of year? Do you have a good relationship, see them frequently, would they help you out? I've had to agree my (forgetful) son & partner DO tick all boxes there. So the important thing (for all of us including grandkids) is to keep things sweet, friendly, happy - how crazy would it be to not be speaking over a card? Grit your teeth & forget it xx

Understandable to feel hurt IMO, especially when you've been so supportive, but at least he texted. From all I've ever heard, sons tend to be more remiss than daughters with such things. My son in law is extremely good in so many ways, but I'm pretty sure dd usually has to remind him of such things for his own mother.

In case it makes you feel a bit better, a former colleague of mine usually had nothing from either her son or her daughter - both of them fairly useless and always a worry to her, to be frank.
One particular year both of them pretended they'd sent a card, which 'must have got lost in the post.' I think the pretty obvious lies bothered her rather more than the not bothering.

My wonderful son, who is a bit of a joker, ha never sent me anything for mother's day and when I mentioned this he just said 'every day for me is mother's day!' Now he has older children of his own I do get flowers from my DIL

Mother’s Day! Used to be Mothering Sunday. Now an over hyped, over priced, commercialed guilt trip.
I thoroughly support the idea of youngsters living at home doing something nice for mum. Making a card, helping with breakfast or lunch. It can be fun for everyone and helps children learn appreciation of what their mum does for them.
As for adult children with their own lives, jobs, friends, families. It’s a waste of money buying over priced flowers, random useless gifts etc. On a day that the retail business say you should!
Isn’t it more normal to just get a smile of appreciation, a random message, an unexpected bunch of daffs on any day? Don’t we already know if we’re loved and appreciated? Do we really need a card on a commercialised day to acknowledge this? Does a card on a specific designated day mean we are loved or not loved?
Too many people look for ways to feel slighted. That’s my opinion.

Ouch! Bit harsh quizqueen.

“Commercialised”

Dd2 sent beautiful flowers for Mothering Sunday. Dd1 phoned last week and said have I forgotten Mother's Day as her children had made a fuss of her that day in her country. Different days in Switzerland and uk. Once her sister used to send flowers from both of them but now doesn't. I have decided best not to care for my own good. I used to buy a card for my DH to sign and post but looking back I was a bit passive aggressive as she was a difficult woman . She extolled tortured flower arrangements which I don't like so I always chose pics of Dutch still life profusion of blooms. I'm not very nice.

The male of the species are notoriously bad at remembering cards, actually going in the shop, buying and posting them. With son no:2, when he was young I used to buy him a box of multi purpose cards every Xmas in his stocking, for him to use through out the year to cover every occasion ! and it was just a standing joke to all the family. He is 42 now and he actually buys me the most amazing cards and the lovely words he writes make me cry .... but we all still pull his leg over this ... using humour often diffuses many situations.

Emm14, please don't worry about this. My DS & family live overseas and I rarely receive a Mothers Day token of any kind, on either "our" Mothers Day, or theirs. But I know that I am an important person in their lives and that they love me. This is what matters. Please take note of the good advice GNs give here, and don't let this "worry" eat away at you. Simply enjoy your family as much as you can.

I know exactly how you feel. My daughter always gives me a beautiful card and gift on mothers day, always has done. We also have two sons age 34 and 35 who NEVER buy me a gift. I got a card once from elder son when he had a GF, but she bought it for him. Its a son thing. They just dont think about it. My husband admits that he never, ever bought anything for his mum, or even aknowledged mothers day! She is dead now and he really regrets it. I try not to feel hurt about it all, but it is difficult and I too feel a bit unappreciated.