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Adult sons and male OH’s

(43 Posts)
jenpax Mon 14-May-18 09:43:29

As the only daughter of an only daughter and with 3 DD of my own I am interested in people’s ideas as to why so many adult sons and male partners forget or fail to acknowledge things like birthdays or Mothering Sundays for their partners or mothers? I realise that this is not universal and there are many thoughtful examples but from the various threads I have read it does seem to be a reoccurring problem? I would be especially interested to hear from Mother’s of sons?

henbane Mon 14-May-18 16:45:56

It's partly an age thing - we get Christmas and birthday cards from my sons & daughter, but not from my partner's who are younger. Apparently no-one bothers with that sort of thing now! - they just send wishes via Facebook etc, or a text.

BlueBelle Mon 14-May-18 16:53:58

As I said in the other almost identical thread I don’t think cards should equate to love
I know my son loves me but if it wasn’t for my lovely daughter in law I probably wouldn’t get anything
I have two daughters one truely spoils me on all occasions the other doesn’t remember anyone’s birthdays or mother’s day I do usually get lovely flowers on my birthday ( which is close to mother’s day) but rarely a card it’s ad hoc sometimes I get a birthday card sometimes I don’t rarely a mother’s day card now but I know she loves me and appreciates what I do for her
It just isn’t worth getting your knickers in a twist over a bit of paper is it ?

Jalima1108 Mon 14-May-18 18:03:45

It just isn’t worth getting your knickers in a twist over a bit of paper is it ?
No, it isn't!

jenpax Mon 14-May-18 18:13:35

When I mentioned remembering birthdays or Mothering Sunday I enclosed texts, WhatsApp and messenger not just the physical card

ffinnochio Mon 14-May-18 18:29:32

Husband remembers, mostly. Our sons stay in contact regularly, and within the phone calls/messenger/hangouts/
FaceTimes/emails, I am left in no doubt of their thoughts and recognition of significant milestones, but more importantly, their love.

Who needs cards?

Seaside22 Mon 14-May-18 19:17:45

Yes lucky here too.I have two sons, they always remember birthdays etc, also the cards they send always have lovely versus, maybe that's just luck too ! They always visit on the day of the birthday etc even though they have children busy lives and one has a newborn.I think it's how they have been raised, we have never forgotten any family birthdays and always try and deliver a card and present in person.

M0nica Mon 14-May-18 19:30:46

DH came from a home where birthdays etc were treated as no different to other days so DH grew up with no tradition of sending cards and presents except at Christmas. At Christmas he does all he should and I am untroubled by him not marking other occasions.

He will, however, buy me something several times a year just because he sees something he thinks I would like .

Annie29 Mon 14-May-18 21:03:38

I am sure the same must apply to some daughters

LynneB59 Mon 14-May-18 21:25:44

I'm very lucky, in that my 2 sons (36 and 34) have ALWAYS remembered mine and my husband's birthdays, and Mother's day/Father's day. They have always got us a present too - and they have bought the things themselves, whether they've been in relationships with women or not.

Willow500 Mon 14-May-18 21:36:38

My eldest son always sends cards, presents and messages for birthdays, Christmas and Mother's day but I'm sure it's his wife who organises him grin The younger one has never bothered with cards much and has never really had enough money to buy gifts - now he lives abroad it's not even on the radar but I know he still loves us and is the most caring person in all other respects.

lilypollen Mon 14-May-18 21:41:04

2 DS 37 and 33 always remember our birthdays and anniversary. They want to be with us on the days though I say as they have family and friends they mustn't feel pressured. Feel humble that they feel that way and that we must have done something right.

AmMaz Tue 15-May-18 12:19:55

Blinko I so agree but try telling this to alchemilla and SpanielNanny !

Magrithea Wed 16-May-18 14:48:28

I have 3 younger brothers, a husband who was the youngest and an only boy and two boys of my own - they're all a bit hit and miss when it comes to cards, presents etc.! DH is great with immediate family but often forgets his sisters. My brothers never remember my birthday even though I send them cards. One SiL sometimes remembers.

I remind my boys when family birthdays come up but they do need constant reinforcement! grin

Bluegal Wed 16-May-18 23:58:09

I have 2 brothers and all of us remember mums special days but when I was newly married my husband left all the card/present buying to me. This included his parents and our children. I don’t know if he would have remembered if I hadn’t.

SpanielNanny Thu 17-May-18 08:01:50

Hi ammaz I’m a little confused. I have just come across this thread, but wondered what you were trying to tell me? I’ve not made any comment?

For what’s it worth, I don’t disagree with blinko. I am fortunate that my dil does actually go out and buy me cards & gists, as my son is terrible for remembering. I am very grateful for this, I know I am lucky. But I in no way believe it to be her job, if she chose to leave it to him, I wouldn’t blame her.

pensionpat Thu 17-May-18 08:24:49

Ive just remembered. On the first Mothers Day after my eldest married (19 years ago) I received a gift and card from him and another from his wife. Lack of communication but I feel ahead of the "game".

Iwilldoittomorrow Mon 21-May-18 21:50:46

DS and DD have always been very thoughtful with birthdays and Christmas although mother day is often a phone call as they are both so busy, and that’s fine. DH though has never remembered/ acknowledged our wedding anniversary despite it actually being my birthday, even our 25th - weirdly though he always remembered his parents anniversary and always bought them presents and a card, I’m obviously just not as terrifyingly demanding as his mother was smile life is too sort to worry about it though.