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wedding present dilemma

(55 Posts)
Ziggy62 Wed 16-May-18 11:42:55

Going to a family wedding on Saturday . Not THE wedding lol. Invitation included info of wedding present lists in 2 shops , both of which are at least a 40minute drive away. So we had long good look at lists. Chose one item from each shop. One we were able to pay for online, the other was paid for via phone call. Both items are to be gift wrapped by shop and bride & groom will collect.

Thought this was excellent idea. Couple get exactly what they want. Their house isn't ready yet but should be by the time they return from honeymoon, so all seemed well

UNTIL phone call from mother in law Monday evening. Wanting to know why we aren't calling to Bride's Mother's house with gifts. Now AIBU? Isnt the whole idea of having lists in stores so couples get what they have chosen, gift wrapped and paid for ???????

Plus both shops are in opposite directions so it would be quite a journey to collect both and wrap, plus 1 is a hoover!!!!

Rant over, sorry

humptydumpty Wed 16-May-18 12:00:44

YANBU - I think the wedding stress must be getting to MiL!

ninathenana Wed 16-May-18 13:16:21

It's her that's being unreasonable. I'm sure the bride and groom will be very happy with your plan.

LiveandLearn Wed 16-May-18 14:05:48

"Calling to bride's mother's with gifts"...who does that? I've certainly never known that to be a 'thing', and nobody brought gifts to me for my daughter's wedding last year. I'm sure the happy couple will be delighted with your generous gifts however they receive them. Enjoy the day on Saturday.

grandtanteJE65 Wed 16-May-18 14:49:58

Actually, in Scotland it quite definitely was and probably still is a thing!

It's called "A show of presents" when wedding presents were put on show in the spare bedroom or some similar little used room for a fortnight before the wedding, and all and sundry of the happy couples' assorted friends and relations (most had as many as Rabbit in Winnie the Pooh) came to afternoon tea to inspect the presents and have a right gossip.

It wouldn't surprise me to learn that the North of England knows and loves the custom too.

Panache Wed 16-May-18 14:53:25

I rather think it might be called "Wanting your cake AND eating it!!"

Fret not and carry on as planned.I bet the happy couple will be thrilled, so forget all this nonsense..........if not in Scotland of course.

Jane10 Wed 16-May-18 14:56:27

I'm Scottish and was married here. We certainly didn't have a show of presents. I'd have hated that!

LiveandLearn Wed 16-May-18 16:11:16

Thanks Grandtante, I've learned something new today - living up to my user name grin.

midgey Wed 16-May-18 16:23:56

I think this happened at my sisters wedding, all the presents were put on show. However that was at least fifty years ago!

Daddima Wed 16-May-18 16:31:16

grandetante, I started another thread on shows of presents, where lots of people had them, but sometimes in their living rooms, or in a hall a few days before the wedding, or on the wedding day itself, after the bride and groom had left.
Though I’m still in Scotland, it’s years since I heard of one, far less attended one.
Thing is, in those days ( early 70s) we got dozens of gifts, ‘ wee mindings’ from neighbours, friends, folk who worked with your mother, etc etc. As everybody has lived together before getting married, all these ‘ wee mindings’ were very welcome in those days when setting up home. I remember Chance glass and Pyrex were very popular! Everyone who had given a gift received a thank you letter detailing the time(s) of the shows, usually an afternoon one with tea and sandwiches/cakes, then a more rowdy one at night, where strong drink was served. I had three of these, and our neighbour across the way came to them all, and ate ( and drank!) her fill.

knickas63 Wed 16-May-18 16:31:47

Write out a beautiful card with details of where to collect the gifts and deliver it MIL.

GillT57 Wed 16-May-18 17:06:14

It is not MiL's wedding. Just ignore her! Politely, of course grin

muffinthemoo Wed 16-May-18 20:20:55

grandtante i think they still happen but the last one I know of was an aunty 30 years ago... her folk are traditional though and they weren’t living together before they were married so they had a big haul of presents. I vaguely recall the do - it was old folks everywhere and the thing I remember was cocktail onions on cocktail sticks with wee cubes of cheese!

All the weddings I have been to in recent years have been accompanied by a specific request for cash gifts only.

We asked specifically for no gifts beyond the guests’ attendance: this was much frowned on but I couldn’t stomach the thought of asking for stuff when we had everything we reasonably needed. Some of the family are not well off and I didn’t want to put that burden on them.

The parents gave us two cards and a used teapot between them so it was odd they were the ones demanding we hustle the guests out of expensive gifts. (I keep my spare change in the teapot, it gives me a laugh!)

Bluegal Wed 16-May-18 23:50:30

Grandtante. I too remember my older cousins getting married and the presents were laid out in the brides mothers house for all guests to see. I had forgotten because it was so long ago. Perhaps the Mother in question thinks it is still an ongoing tradition?

Just explain to her what you have done and leave it at that. No need to add any explanations.

Nanny123 Thu 17-May-18 10:29:26

That’s exactly the idea of having a wedding list in a shop!

Kim19 Thu 17-May-18 10:37:27

One of the minor differences my Mother and I experienced whilst planning my wedding. She was determined to have a present showing evening and I was not. My recollection is of a kind of female cocktail evening with people scrutinising who gave what. There was often even a list of monetary gifts with amount alongside names. Heaven forfend! We compromised. All good.

Jaycee5 Thu 17-May-18 10:38:26

I've only ever seen wedding gifts displayed at the reception. I wouldn't go to someone's house to see them.

coast35 Thu 17-May-18 10:46:52

In the 60’s and 70’s everybody had a show of presents here in Scotland. I got married in 1970 but the idea of a show of presents horrified me. The thought of everyone looking to see what everyone else had spent was abhorrent. My Mum was in agreement with me so I simply didn’t have one. Just as well since they would have found out that we got 14 cheeseboads! The laugh was my husband didn’t even like cheese at the time.

maddyone Thu 17-May-18 10:47:06

We had the old fashioned thing, wedding presents brought to my parents house the week before the wedding. Mum put them all out in a display that anyone could view if they wanted to. I didn’t object, or particularly care, it’s a very old fashioned tradition. I’ve certainly never delivered a wedding present to the bride’s mother’s house, in fact, usually young couples want money these days.

So Ziggy, I wouldn’t worry, just continue to do what you’ve already put into motion.

mabon1 Thu 17-May-18 11:01:51

I've never seen gifts displayed at the reception

keriku Thu 17-May-18 11:02:07

When we were married in 1989, my inlaws organized the "Showny" i.e. A showing of presents in a local hall, with a buffet and a band! We spent hours taking the gifts out of my mum's loft and laying them around the hall. My father in law packed them away as quickly as possible so that the party could start! My poor granny never even saw the presents. However, we still have a video of it! I had only ever seen folk doing these events in their own homes and was amazed by the entire do. We received nearly 200 gifts, in fact I was able to give my brothers entire sets of dishes, cutlery etc as they bought their flats! Changed days indeed!

pollyperkins Thu 17-May-18 11:06:21

Yes I agree. This wa done years ago , in the 60s and 70s. These days presents from gift lists are usually delivered directly to the bride and grooms home. I find it a bit unsatisfactory as you never see the presents you've bought, but it is convenient for the happy couple and Ive never heard of presents goinf to mother of bride for at least the last 25 years!
I would say 'Im so sorry , we didnt realise you wanted to display tgem and unfortunately they have already been sent to X. ' and then forget about it. If they wanted them to go to her mum they should have specified that

quizqueen Thu 17-May-18 11:08:34

If the MinL wants the presents at her home then tell her she is quite welcome to go and collect them from the shops herself. If not, you will stick with the plan that suits you best although, personally, I would always to prefer to take my gift to the wedding itself even it was a vacuum cleaner ( Hoover is a brand unless that is what you have actually bought)!

heavenknows Thu 17-May-18 11:19:00

I agree, MIL can go collect it herself if she's that worried about it.

annemac101 Thu 17-May-18 11:19:37

A show of presents isn't the done thing in Scotland anymore. It was when I was married in 1978 but back then people couldn't buy online and have gifts wrapped. Also people usually gave the gift to the bride or groom on a different day,few brought them to the show of presents which was like a hen night. The MIL shouldn't be interfering and the happy couple will probably be mortified. What you did is fine,ignore her.