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(82 Posts)
Oldwoman70 Sun 20-May-18 12:27:26

I rang my sister in law this morning to ask about a relative who had been unwell. Whilst speaking she asked if I had spent any money recently (a question she asks every time we speak). I told her I had bought some new bedside lamps. She asked how much they cost and did I really need them!!

This isn't the first time she has made this comment when I have bought something. I could understand if I was the type to throw money around but I always think long and hard before I buy anything and do a lot of investigating to ensure I am getting value for money. She is making me feel as if I should check with her before I spend anything!

I don't want to make a big thing of this as we generally get on very well, but I do feel uncomfortable with her questioning whatever I spend my money on.

Jalima1108 Mon 21-May-18 15:26:58

I used to think that, if someone asked me a question, that I had to answer - but now I am in my dotage I tend to think Why?
There's no need to answer if you don't want to - we are sometimes too polite for our own good!

Mapleleaf Mon 21-May-18 18:45:12

You could say “Oh no, I’ve used it all”! 😁😁

Bluegal Mon 21-May-18 20:35:59

I must admit I don’t really understand why anyone wants to know what you have bought and as you seem to feel the need to tell her what you HAVE bought i.e bedside lamps am wondering if in the past you have told her what you have bought? If I felt anyone was questioning what I bought I would not even bother telling them if I had! “have you bought anything recently” “NO”. It’s simple isn’t it?

Faye Tue 22-May-18 00:11:32

I would say every single time she does this with “why do you ask.” Also remind her she isn’t in your will so she doesn’t have to worry that you are spending her inheritance.

Gerispringer Tue 22-May-18 07:24:34

My MIL used to point out anything new in my house saying “ did you buy that?” I’d answer “No, I stole it”

Oldwoman70 Tue 22-May-18 10:04:25

Gerispringer - I like that one!

Zorro21 Tue 22-May-18 10:32:02


I understand exactly how you feel. The daughters of my husband are just the same, one in particular. They all go on expensive holidays but then MOAN they have no money and about how expensive everything is, begging him for money and saying they can't afford parties for their children. It's awful. I hate the atmosphere.

Kim19 Tue 22-May-18 10:34:16

I'm 100 per cent with BlueBelle on this. Spot on.

Nannan2 Tue 22-May-18 10:36:44

Yes i too would ask,why she wants to know?,also,if she wants to treat me by paying for them?,also why,is she after ALLmy old stuff whenever i buy anything new?and why she keeps asking EVERYTIME we speak??what is wrong with the nosey woman??Id also be tempted to actually say outright that its not the done thing to do so-and thats its downright rude!If that didnt make her think twice before asking you next time,id just say no everytime she asked till she got fed up of bothering.If she asks at a family gathering,loudly ask her why she keeps being so nosy over what you& your hubby are spending your money on,within his earshot-and everone elses,it may shame her into stopping the awful habit of it!

sluttygran Tue 22-May-18 10:37:03

I like that one too!grin
My former SiL used to ask me about things I’d bought, and would usually say that she would have liked that, but chose to give money to charity instead!
I have great respect for people with a strong faith, but honestly she was such a Bible-basher!
She’s no longer my SiL as I divorced her brother, but I hear through the grapevine that she’s still very critical of my ‘extravagance’ with the DGC!

maddyone Tue 22-May-18 10:39:37

Have only read your question quickly as I’m about to go out, so apologies if someone else already said this, but quite frankly, I wouldn’t tell her when I’d bought anything. If she enquired I would just say, no, I haven’t bought anything, and I’d leave it at that! And then change the subject.

Telly Tue 22-May-18 10:42:16

I would guess that she is just making conversation, that or she is obsessed with frugality. Just say, no. Nope. Nothing. Unless you want to really rub her up the wrong way and say shedloads!

Apricity Tue 22-May-18 10:42:23

I was thinking if a pretty blunt "none of your business" response but Bluebelles answer is just the ticket. 👍

knspol Tue 22-May-18 10:44:10

When asked intrusive questions I always say "why on earth would you want to know that?" I say it in a jokey sort of way and it usually stops people in their tracks, they start floundering and it then gives me time to think what to say next.

caocao Tue 22-May-18 10:44:52

Oldwoman if I were you I'd have my supermarket receipts for the last couple of weeks handy the next time you phone her. Read out the whole lot, making sure to pass a comment on each item, such as it was on offer or a new brand that you'd tried but you much prefer your previous brand and give an in-depth explanation as to why. (Toilet rolls might be a good item to discuss the merits of!). Hopefully it will bore her and she won't ask again.

JanaNana Tue 22-May-18 10:59:20

I simply would,nt tell her, in fact I might even be cheeky enough to say" and before you ask...I have,nt been out on any shopping sprees lately "make light of it and move the conversation on before she has chance to start pricing up and questioning you on how you spend your money. Some people are far more cautious with money than others and she is probably one of them.

Jane43 Tue 22-May-18 11:03:14

If ever she had a question she didn’t want to answer, or was wary of, my ex daughter-in-law would just answer, “Why”. It would be interesting to know why she feels the need to ask you the question. I see Farmor15 and Tweedle24 have mentioned this. Having been on the receiving end of my daughter-in-law’s ‘Why’ a few times I have to say it did take the wind out of my sails.

sarahellenwhitney Tue 22-May-18 11:12:44

Oldwoman 70.
Its your life your money it is nothing to do with any one else..
Were it me and I was questioned had I spent any money ?my answer? 'chance would be a fine thing'. End of.
In time your questioner would tire if you continued with the same answer.

gillybob Tue 22-May-18 11:23:52

I sympathise Oldwoman70 I get this kind of questioning from my sister. How much was that? Where did you get it? Did you need it. Can you afford it? etc. Sometimes I want to say “mind your own bl**dy business” but it would cause a row. My sister is so nosy she needs to know all my business (including my children who she questions similarly) . She also discusses it with her boyfriend who is quite rich (and tight with it) and he seems to gloat and enjoy every little problem we have. It’s really getting me down and I don’t know what to do about it either. DH is going to blow his stack one of these days.

gillybob Tue 22-May-18 11:24:19

I can’t wear a new tee shirt without getting the third degree.

luzdoh Tue 22-May-18 11:25:09

Oldwoman70 I love Alima's reply!
Despite my Christian faith, I would be inclined to lie in this situation. Or maybe become rather absent minded... "Umm no, I hardly ever buy things now, just porridge and bread, you know... I don't need anything else..."
Is she old? I mean, is she perhaps getting a bit of dementia? However she sounds fairly "on the ball".
Anyway, just ignore her, she's batty, don't get drawn in. Your money and spending is your affair. Don't discuss it with her.
Good luck!

luzdoh Tue 22-May-18 11:30:35

gillybob I'm so sorry to hear this! I can't imagine how horrible it must be. I don't suppose my reply to Oldwoman would help? I have to admit, I would be inclined to make up some crazy answers. Just to see her face. "This old thing? Oh I got it from Zandra, you know, Rhodes (sp?), she often makes things for me..." I don't know if I really could do that but it's what she deserves!

mabon1 Tue 22-May-18 11:37:40

Say "no I haven't" end of story!!! Cheeky wwoman.

Jaycee5 Tue 22-May-18 11:40:06

I agree with Tweedle2. When she asked if you can afford them, my automatic response would have been 'Why?' If she persisted I would tell her that it is a strange question. People are very strange and often judgmental about money.
My sister once said to me that she wasn't like me because she didn't like getting into debt! I was only in debt (not in an unmanageable way) because I helped her buy her flat and she then got pregnant and ignored the agreement about repayment. The annoying thing was that I was too dumbstruck to point that out.

inishowen Tue 22-May-18 11:48:44

Strange questioning! We once went to a dinner party where the hostess took me round her house and told me what everything cost. I thought she was crackers.