AIBU to live in hope that even controversial threads can avoid personal abuse?

I meant comment not criticise. Nevertheless, as others have said, if you aren't going through estrangement yourself, I'm not sure what positive contribution could be made to that thread.

I think interjectors, on the "cut out of their lives" thread, if they aren't going through that experience themselves, aren't particularly helpful when they criticize those who are living through such an unhappy experience. I have seen the occasional poster who will smugly go on to relate how successful their own family dynamics are with the implication that the family estrangements are down to the posters themselves. As is often stated by the contributors, it is a support thread. Sometimes you have to live experiences to understand them.

"The relationships threads do seem to attract some who like to hurt, either by being harsh in their comments or judging without knowing what it's like to be estranged from a family member"
Indeed they do Chewbacca which is a pity! I agree that the politics thread discussions have improved

I've been on GN for a couple of years now and, compared to when I first joined, it's a haven of peace and harmony! Until earlier this year, it was almost impossible to join any News & Politics threads unless your were pretty far left or wore a hard hat and full body armour! Whilst it can still be robust, its nothing like as cut throat as it used to be. The relationships threads do seem to attract some who like to hurt, either by being harsh in their comments or judging without knowing what it's like to be estranged from a family member.

"I quite like the feisty posters who tell it like it is. The ones that stand out are the ones who are never nasty."

Exactly Day6

"There is a whole raft of human behaviour out there, and I would not be happy to see things diluted on these forums."

I agree with much of your post Izabella.
Like many other posters, I tend not to mince my words, but I like to think I am fair and compassionate too.

I'd hate it if all we could post were "I agree. You are right. I love you" messages. How awful would that be? Why would anybody bother read Gransnet?

There are often posters who write when they are feeling very down/troubled/depressed about a situation. They may not be looking for sympathy but if it's given, along with constructive advice then that's when (imo) Gransnet is at it's best.

Why would anyone knock someone when they are down?

I quite like the feisty posters who tell it like it is. The ones that stand out are the ones who are never nasty.

'Oldmeg - "Or is it lack of education" '

How bloody condescending angry More than angry. Bloody livid.

I felt the same way too Petra It was totally uncalled for. I think that is the sort of sneering remark that creates unpleasantness.

Just as there are aggressive and argumentative folk in RL, so there are on GN.
However, I do wish 'adults', could try just a little harder to moderate their comments, and in one recent post, their language.
I'm not prudish at all, and can, if the occasion arises, swear like a trooper, but I object to foul (and I mean really foul) language being used where it's quite simply not necessary.
Surely we can all agree to disagree without using abusive language.
I also object to receiving personal messages offering other people's opinions of me, but mainly due to the fact that it's a waste of my precious time opening them. Quite honestly I couldn't care less what potty mouthed, ignorant bigots think of me!

"I think this is inevitable where sex and politics are discussed. It happens in RL too"

I think you are right, Lazigirl

It is a shame really but out there in the big bad world there are all sorts of hateful, violent slogans (death threats) being brandished on placards at every left wing (and it tends to be left-wing, unfortunately) march/protest. (I hasten to add that minority, extremist right wing political groups have members just as brutal, coarse and violent in their outlook) but I think that may also colour the views of the ordinary Jo/sephine Bloggs too, especially keyboard warriors who find spewing bile online from the comfort of their armchairs something quite easy to do.

My son and I share different political viewpoints, so much so that I have to avoid talking politics or even current affairs with him. His only viewpoint is to hate the Tories and everything is their fault. It becomes very waring having to disagree with him over virtually everything.

I remember the days when if you had a viewpoint, political or otherwise, that differed from your neighbours, it was perfectly OK, nothing to fll out over.

Has online discussion changed all that?

I agree with you by the way Iam64 that it would be nice to get along with everyone online. I bet very few of us (in real life, if you know what I mean ) are argumentative or openly hostile to the views of others.

Why not read the thread again, springleaves, now that you are a bit further away from it? I think you will find it less acid than you thought at first.
It is at www.gransnet.com/forums/chat/1253802-Cinderella

I have just searched for, and found, the thread that I think springleaves is referring too (about a child not being allowed to watch the cartoon film "Cinderella") and I have to say that I didn't think that anyone was battering springleaves at all. There were some comments about people's attitudes to fairy stories, and some about not interfering in what parents want for their children, but no attacks on the original poster. Nothing to flounce off about. Sorry, Springleaves but it was just what you said you wanted - some honest views on the subject. No-one said you were wrong to post it.

"GN is much better now than it was."
I think so too.
But still avoid the political threads unless you've got a thick skin. Though we do seem to be a little more refined there as well than in the past.
Someone once said that a person who resorts to personal attacks knows they're losing the argument. It's a last resort.

Yes Lully you’re right, GN is much better now than it was.So, welcome back.

When you gave up GN 2 or 3 years ago LullyDully, was the vitriol you saw going on then, by any chance, to do with the EU referendum?

I’m actually thinking of cancelling my sign up to this site.
Keep going springleaves! I got 'battered' a couple of times when I first started posting, it can be quite unnerving but then I realised I don't know these people in RL.

head below the parapet and toe in the water! What a strange image

don't slip into the moat!

However as I have said before. I gave up GN about 2 or 3 years ago as it became very vitriolic. I do think it is much better than it was then so I am dipping my toe in again. ( head below the parapet and toe in the water! What a strange image. )

Izabella I agree with your points. Some posters however go beyond what you are describing! Yes there are some "personalities" that can be tuned into...but when the same difficulties, accusations and outrageous insensitivity keeps happening to different posters, new and long term, then that is a different matter. I don't easily get offended and haven't been offended personally by any comments about me on GN, although a few have been unreasonably and/or unfairly personal ...but I do get concerned for some OPs who lose the benefit of the wide ranging wisdom and advice available on GN, because of specific posters who fairly regularly derail threads, frequently in the Relationships forum. I have no idea what the solution is, responding and querying the comments just leads to a bigger problem and derailment. But it does concern me for OPs needing advice.

Hard to comment springleaves as I have no idea which thread you started

I think anyone new to these forums may well feel a response or sometimes a retort is too personal or even controversial. I did initially. However when you have been around a while I think you become more 'tuned in' to the personalities behind the postings.

There are serious, flippant and informative debates on here. The fact that some are taken personally is a reflection of real life. The added fact that it is the written, rather than spoken word, further enables this as we cannot see the body language or facial expressions of others. In other words we cannot always anticipate what others may find offensive, aggressive or rude. Original posters also have the benefit of understanding a whole scenario which the rest of us are left to try and comprehend, comment on etc., and this is where a lot of misunderstandings occur as we do not know the whole picture.

There is a whole raft of human behaviour out there, and I would not be happy to see things diluted on these forums. If something now offends or irritates me I either don't read it, or I move on. On the odd occasion I have reported posts. This thread in itself I find interesting.

Having said that, I know I myself can be blunt, probably having spent a career making often life and death decisions.

I think it is very unfortunate that the Relationships threads seem to often degenerate into personal abuse or at the very least into outrageously unkind and thoughtless remarks. Sometimes hard messages and home truths are needed to help someone with their situation, their worry or their sadness but that can be given with care and understanding whilst not shying away from a difficult message. Some posters do seem yo find this difficult though and sadly as a result, some OPs get driven away which is a shame!

Im new to GN & i didn’t think for a minute I’d be searching for this type of thread already. I accept my first thread could be misconstrued as controversial,or as someone so wrongly said ‘a wind up’ I’m actually thinking of cancelling my sign up to this site. The subject on the thread I started was what motivated me to join. I was hoping to receive some honest opinions on this relevant topic,without being made to feel it was wrong to share it. Hopefully if I do stay & at the moment it’s a big if, I hope people will be a little less judgmental, without jumping to conclusions.

Oh yes we were both giggling so much we nearly fell down again.
And the snoring .....

I think you are confusing Liz with her Mother Jalima who I know stayed with you on many occasions.
Remember the time you had to push her up the stairs to her room after she had a few?

I won't tell a soul lemongrove
(ps she asked for gin and Dubonnet last time she came to stay chez nous - does she drink the whisky as well as or instead of these days?)