To be annoyed at my daughter

My grandson got his first phone just before his 11 th burthday . He was starting at a new school which meant a mile and half walk along two main roads, so his parents thought it necessary to let me know he was safe... in case he dawdled with his friends coming home.I couldn't meet him at school gate as was picking up the 5 year old nearer home. It's been invaluable in the shirt six months he's had it. It's was very cheap ( not I-phone).... and he loves it. Only allowed to play games for one hour after school then of to scouts... swimming.... or boxing with one parent or another. At school all phones are confiscated until 3.30 when kids get them back. . It's not like in our day at school.... parents lead such hectic lives and of course the 'nuclear' family doesn't exist for the most part. Parents are all over the place...and kids have to be contacted to re-direct hem to whoever their guardian of the day is. It's so much more complicated! They are a necessity now for children out in the world now. And don't knock them until you've had to use hem in the middle of nowhere to call the emergency services. !!!

The comment saying “you have had your go at being a Mother, now let your daughter have hers” was painful but its a fact I have come to terms with like everone else. We adore our 2 GC who seem to have everything, I struggle at birthday time to think of anything. I know times have changed but children need to hear and respect the word “No” sometimes. They need a Parent, not a best friend who gives in to pester power and just throws money at everything or they will have no concept of working hard for what you want in life.

Haha...Maggiemaybe, it would cost a lot to keep a council.
Perhaps counsel is better.

I think it's fine as long as the parents are happy and no one is sufferering otherwise. I would buy my grandchildren the moon if they wanted it and I could afford it. Happily they are currently at the age not to understand the difference between 500 pence and £500. Won't last much longer. Maybe it would be better if you didn't know the price?

I agree it’s not about the price of phones when they are small and mine all started on cheap phones and progressed through their teens They all go to high school bus rides away in fact two are on the bus for an hour and a half and yes the contact is invaluable if the bus is late or doesn’t turn up or whatever reason you are not left pacing the floor in shreds thinking they ve had an accident
Obviously there are down sides but each generation has its downside and I remember being scared stiff when my kids a generation ago started going to raves and one started work in London at 18 and of course no mobiles or ways to know she was safe
And then for my mum and dads generation I upped and went to the other side of the world at 19 my mum and dad got an airmail letter seven days later to let them know I was safe oh my word it would have killed me waiting and wondering

I got a new iPhone 6 last month and it cost £240 from O2. So it may not have cost the suggested £500. Still a lot of money. Our dgd at 10 was given one of her parents’ old phones.

ellieBrum. Don't let your opinions spoil the relationship you have with D. I know it can be difficult at times to withhold your feelings and stop yourself passing comment on something you would not do but they are your GC so let their mother decide what she wants to give her children.

rant away! I'd more worry they could be at risk of crime using such expensive gadgets. Advice here is good - keep it buttoned but try and balance consumerism with a social conscience but not too obviously so DD feels upset your are instilling guilt in her kids (and her) . I always made up shoe boxes for charity at Christmas and got the DSs and then DGs to fill them - and discuss they went to children just like them here and abroad who aren't so lucky as them to have nice things. A family tradition is just before christmas and birthdays we all sort out possessions -toys, books etc and give them to charity to make room for pressies. Having said that when eldest DS was 18 I bought a round the world (cheap. travelbag - less than £880 if I remember and I had to save for months and months for that) ) ticket with 8 stops after his A levels and said the only condition was at least 2 stops must be a third world country - hoped he would take a gap year and work in disadvantaged communities. He promptly cashed it in and partied with friends in Ibiza clubbing instead ho hum ... we all still laugh but and he and his brother and partners regularly raise money for my pet charity appeals

Shopping seems to be a leisure pursuit for families nowadays!
I see nothing wrong with them having a 'phone but wonder why only top of the range is acceptable. I have the iphone 4 and yes, they're good. I think the latest is iphone 8!!! And know mine needs replacing but the thought of £500+ makes me wince with irritation.

I guess with so many mums working full time nowadays, the cost isn't an issue. Just seems a waste of money for children.

But as has been said, it's the parents decision.

My GS is almost 6 and every time we're out he asks for this or that. I just say No darling, presents are for birthdays or special occasions. He doesn't like it but i refuse to fill his play room with more plastic tat!
My granddaughter will be 2 next week. I've ordered Premium Bonds as she's already got enough toys to sink a battleship.

It’s strange isn’t it, on the one hand it’s clear to see, and one poster commented, that young people have a lot more disposable income these days, but we’re also constantly told that young people are disadvantaged because they can’t afford to buy homes for themselves, and that our generation is selfish because we ‘took’ it all!

With regard to Ellie’s post, I am certainly very aware of just how much my own grandchildren are given. The difference between what they have, and what we were able to give to our children is enormous. Is it a good thing? Well, I believe that children can be ‘spoilt’ by being given so much, but they don’t have to be. So long as parents teach children manners, to care about others, and to respect boundaries, I don’t think they have to end up selfish and spoiled. However, given the current situation where we are constantly told, that as older people, we have selfishly taken everything, and left nothing for the poor millenniums, I do wonder how children who have been given everything they want, will cope in a world that doesn’t necessarily give them everything they think they deserve. This is already happening now, where younger people, who have mainly been given far more materially than previous generations, find suddenly that everything they want doesn’t just drop into their laps. Ultimately this can lead to these younger people being resentful of older generations, who they feel have ‘stolen’ everything from them.

Jane10 - and it is the time and attention you give them that will form their lovely memories of you, not whether you could give them treats or not x

I held out as long as i could on phones for my 2 youngest sons(theyre now 19&15)but gave in with elder 1 when he went to high school to stay in touch- he did have only a cheaper screen phone though and in the end he went to play out and someone stole it! So he waited till about 14/15 & his elder sister gave him her old iphone when she traded up to new(shes older&working so paid for her own!)he looked after it&when she did same again couple of years later HE gave the first one to youngest brother-again when he was in high school. (theyve both had them replaced by phone insurance but still only got same models)i wouldnt have gone &bought £500 ones for them and theyre my own kids! My youngest GD is often bought a treat on "toy day" or 'treat day'- things shes come to expect as normal often and not a £1 or £2toy -but at least £6 upwards to about £16 a time- and my daughter goes and buys her 'collectibles' all the time (LOL DOLLS & suchlike)she mustve spent hundreds on them and my GD is only 4! She certainly didnt squander so much on her older 2 kids now age 20&19 yrs! Its a sign of our times now that people 'have to' have certain things- my youngest son still moans every couple of days that hes 'only' got iphone 4 while his friends have much newer ones!(im holding out still!)

Peaches - what a wonderful idea to make up the boxes and clear out as a tradition.

Wish I'd thought of it

We have 2 very indulged GCs. We witnessed a rant by the 11 year old that she 'would accept nothing less than level 8 iPhone in dusky rose' (her brother said he wasn't bothered what he had). Next morning, hey, the parents had ordered them both the latest iPhones. We can't imagine where this will lead as they get older. The other sets of GC have to save up for expensive items even though their parents could similarly indulge.

Best to keep it bottled, I do, but seeing my two Granddaughters 14 and 18, being constantly spoilt upsets me, when the bubble bursts it will be catastrophic for them.When they actually earn money themselves I wonder if they will splash out in the same fashion.

Yes we do the charity boxes at christmas as often as we can and my youngest is at catholic high school so he sees a lot of how others suffer when they collect for CAFOD charity etc- and so i try to keep it instilled in him that there are plenty of kids who dont even have food and the basics in life let alone latest phones& video games etc.I do think im more generous with youngest but whenever i think hes 'trying it on' to get extras i clamp down a bit- i want him to try realise worth of things in life,value of money etc which schools dont teach these days- my elder son (19yr old)has learnt this more since he got a moped at nrly 18 then traded up to driving last year! Now he's to pay for most things himself(hes at college though) hes realised the value of money and 'shopping around'- he even lectures his younger brother on this now!

Its something the next generation dont teach their kids though- my daughter loves a bargain- ebay & suchlike she loves- and freecycle-& she donates a lot to that- but never once seems to try instill any of it to the GC! I too have to bite my tongue sometimes and try to councel them myself with good old- fashioned advice!(& im not an old gran!)lol.Oh and in reply to how much iphones cost- gawd yes they CAN be expensive- some ive seen are £600- £700 plus on internet thee days! I personally dislike iphone(i have an older cheaper samsung)but all the teenagers etc seem to want them these days! More of a status symbol i think.(like the expensive trainers& the designer labels they all wear

THESE days.lol

My youngest DGS has one of these phones but certainly not costing £500,he uses it for his school work he can download his homework schedual and complete the work and send it back to school where it is marked and sent back to him,they have done this for a few years and works well,DD can check where he is up to on his work and the system works well for her.

Peaches - sadly you are too right in your first post. As they get older and more independent EllieBrum’s GDs will be safer with basic cheaper phones.
One of my GC in midteens was asked for his phone, handed it over saying ‘Do you really want THIS?’ The mugger said ‘Nah’ and returned the rejected phone.
About the same time a young neighbour was similarly robbed on the way home from school and lost several hundred poundsworth of phone and other electronics.
Not worth it just to show school friends how privileged you are imho!

No when they start paying for their own things is when it kicks in i think! My youngest daughter(who very generously passed on her 'old' iphones to her brother)could only afford to do that as she gets to pay for it/then trade up on a phone contract- and has to budget herself quite a lot as shes not on a very high wage- she must do lots of overtime to afford christmas holidays & birthdays,clothes etc.so she really has learned a lot since shes been working.Same with other son at college.once hes to pay/ budget for car insurance/ petrol etc.It must be a shock to most youngsters these days when they get out in the 'real world'- a lot of parents in this generation (our own older 'kids')seem to shelter their own children from the real world& the true cost/value of things- but theyre doing them no favours as it doesnt prepare them for real life.I realised other day so much is done online these days that kids will think that everything just 'arrives' without their effort.(id been ill&shopped online)but i do get food shop online quite often-& my 15 yr old asked "whens the shopping coming?"& i realised its just commonplace to his generation.thats why they need the smartphones so they can do everything on them!(i had vision of him sat in his own place,years from now-sat thinking that his "shopping" was just going to turn up,like the fairies brought it or something! i have to start making him go shopping with me..In real shops.

Schools and churches and salvation army still do the christmas charity boxes- they show it on ITV as well i think- its called christmas child shoebox charity i think- maybe its a 'new' tradition you can all adopt to do with the GC in future to teach them there are far worse off kids out there-those who dont already do these i mean?youve to start early though i think these charities etc send them off in November.

I’m glad I grew up in the era before mobiles and tablets etc. I would probably not had the most up to date phone and would of hated a Mum to be on the Internet a lot and I reckon my Mum would of been on Facebook a lot comparing herself to her sister I loved Mum to bits but I know she would of been dreadful ? posting pics of us. I recall Mum knitting and un spinning wool for her, simple
happy days x

EllieBrum yours is a post I could have written! Our eldest GC (at 6, 7, 9 and 10) all have mobiles as well as tablets, laptops & PCs. The younger ones (at 3 and 2) also have tablets - and they keep badgering for phones simply because other children at nursery have them. I can understand that a mobile phone could be necessary when older children are away from home and parents, but the 6 & 7 year old very rarely go anywhere without their parents. I think what really bugs me is that they constantly have a phone or tablet in their hands, and so do their parents. When they visit us I ban all technology at the dinner table so we can talk to each other without interruption. The often complain that I don't immediately respond to texts, because I don't carry my phone around with me all day!

I also notice they have all the latest shoes and clothes, and buying Christmas / Birthday presents is a nightmare because they've either got it or are getting it! We gave our children perhaps 2 or 3 presents each at Christmas (and just one birthday gift) that was all we could afford, and their GP certainly didn't over indulge them. Whereas our GCs homes look like Hamleys on Christmas morning!

I think as with all other parenting traits from your DD or DS you have to bite your tongue and go with their wishes. My G children have a lot of stuff given to them by relatives but my DD tries not to buy them too much. I’m often tempted to buy them things but I know she doesn’t want them to rely on having presents. They are 6 and 2 so the most I buy them are football cards and the occasional comic or colouring book. Never sweets as she is so particular about their diet! I used to bribe my own children with jelly tots etc but times have changed!