To be annoyed at my daughter

Teddy123 catch up. The iphone x has been out for some time, at a cost of £900+.
The way it works in our family is that D takes out a contract with a latest phone.
When that expires she renews contract and gives her previous phone to my GS, who in turn gives me the phone that he had been in possession of.
I have a SIM only deal so it works fine for me.
Currently on a iphone 4s. I was offered their iphone 6s but it needed a repair so declined the offer.
I have read that there are many people who stay on their contract when it expires.
A bad move. Your contract includes buying the phone.
At the end of the contract cancel it if you are happy with your phone and take out a SIM only deal with your current supplier if they offer the best deal.
You keep your same telephone number and is easy to do, and obviously it is far cheaper.

Ps my DD and SIL are also very fussy about tech around the children, never allow them to look at phones or tablets and restrict their TV time heavily. I’d probably be more relaxed about it but as I said- they are their kids so you have to abide by their wishes.

Guineagirl, I relate to your post wholeheartedly in being grateful for having experience of life before modern technology. However, we do have it now and I am somewhat in awe of the positives. Haven't a clue how it actually works (items stored in 'cloud' e.g.) but am seriously grateful for what it has brought into my life. I never jump on the bandwagon of criticising the people who constantly have their noses in phones. This is for one reason only in that I was shocked at my own reaction when either my iPad didn't work or I lost my broadband connection. Never would have believed my consternation and frustration but, believe me, it was there. Still feel thoroughly ashamed. I therefore think I'm just as guilty as the young ones with modern obsessions but mine was 'mature onset'

I work in a school and most of the kids have better phones than me. Once when I forgot to turn it off it rang during a lesson. I quickly took it out and turned it off but a pupil saw it and said rather sarcastically "Nice phone Miss!" My response "Well at least it won't get nicked!"
Most of our pupils spend large parts of the day on their phones under the desks despite them not being allowed in s

maddyone I am digressing here but I agree regarding more disposable income. I know its a generalisation and there are people who dont have enough. But in my day buying a home meant no holidays or a stayathome one, economy meals, occasional treats, rarely going out. Young people now want everything. holidays, trips to beauty salons, designer handbags, beautiful homes right away. Someone I know said she wouldnt consider a first home that didn't have at least two bathrooms. I think they have much more disposable income now. Its very relative. And I know I am speaking generally. I do sympathise with the many who genuinely don't have enough and who don't get a fair deal in todays society.
Maybe the feeling of not having enough is fuelled by getting so much given to them as children and high expectations created. (or maybe that view is rubbish?)

Oops - not completed. I read a statistic recently that where schools successfully ban phones their results are 6% higher. I think the main problem with teenagers having phones is that they haven't learnt to live life without them. But then all of use need to have a digital detox now and again.

Our three eldest GC also clear out their rooms of the toys & possessions they no longer want to make room for what they expect to get each Christmas. However, sadly, they are not given to any charitable cause simply dumped in the rubbish. One year this included a lovely Steiff teddy bear we gave our first GC when she was born. So now I don't give them expensive or 'special' gifts as they don't seem to value things.

Happysa, you don't say how old your grandchildren are but my worry would be that their parents are not instilling the value special gifts like the Stiff teddy bear, later in life. I still have the bear my grandparents bought me when I was born, it's a real link with their love and guidance.
We never tipped toys, they went to friends or the local homeless units, domestic violence refuges. The children grew up knowing how lucky they are.. They have their own children now and recycle their toys to younger friends or via the various charities locally. Don't want to sound po faced and realise I do, so apologies. It has to be parents who influence what happens with toys when children are small.

holdingontometeeth I changed my contract once initial fone was paid! I'm not that out of touch. I now have such a cheap contract that I will only change from my old phone when they invent one that can also clean windows ....

If it works, why bother is my mantra. Rather spend my money on clothes shoes flowers and gin x

Not your business! Not your children. How would you have felt if your mom or MiL had criticised you? You would have thought "none of your business" quite correctly. Same applies. Be glad you have a happy good relationship with your adult children and grandchildren. Please dont say anything

They are well cared for and happy. It's a different generation. You can use the experiences they have to chat generally about how blessed they are, and chat about others even in the u.k who dont have as much. Maybe even with permission looking at ways to safely help others.

Maybe you could look up some things and mention to your daughters that it is lovely that they have so much and would you mind me chatting in general with them about children who dont. Use the experience they had as a guideline. Perhaps that will help you feel part of and less disempowered in a loving helpful way to your daughters and grandchildren.

It's all about communication

I have watched my son overindulge his son since he was born. It worried me a great deal. My GS is now coming up to 18, in his first job as an apprentice. He has no idea how to handle money, but is now expected to know how to budget and get's told off for wasting what he earns and spending a 5000 pound inheritance he was left a few years ago, which is now gone. He is having a hard time now since nearly all the assistance his parents always gave him has been withdrawn. He didn't just get the same as other boys he always had way better and the others were jealous and bullied him. I could see this disaster unravelling years ago. But decided to say nothing as it wasn't my business. My son now has the audacity to tell him he is spoiled, but it's his fault not my GS's. This is just the start. I feel there will be terrible trouble ahead as he get's older and realises you don't get anything for nothing in this life. Watch this space is all I tell myself. But it's a worry all the same.

Iam64 I couldn't agree more. Our three eldest GC are 10,9 and 6. I suspect my DIL just finds it easier to throw things out rather than take them to charity shops etc. in between working and ferrying the kids to school etc. Sad, but another reminder that we live in a 'disposable' age. I too have my first teddy bear (also a few dolls and books) from relatives now long gone. Would never part with them.

I am a newcomer to this site and am not familiar with such acronyms as AIBU
I assume it means am I being unreasonable.
Does DD mean dear daughter?
Does DGD mean darling granddaughter?

Ellie ,
Whatever you think about the way your daughter is bringing up her children it is nothing to do with you.
I am the mother of boys and I am at a risk of alienating many of you but I reckon when the boy's mother interferes it is worse than the girl's mother doing so.
The husband ,her son will 9 times out of 10 agree with his wife and interfering will only cause friction.

I have a real bee in my bonnet about this sort of behaviour by today's parents. They are breeding a generation of children who cannot accept no for an answer, cannot grasp the concept of working for what they want (small chores around the house), cannot learn the value of money and think that everything they want is theirs for the asking. It is cruel and ignorant.
My own son is guilty of this with his own son and recently sent his brother a text telling him what an ungrateful little so and so he is turning into. They end up having shouting matches, a father and his 9 year old for goodness sake. I feel helpless and so want to point out that it is because he is spoiled and expects his own way in everything but it is actually his father's fault as babies start out as a blank sheet and have to be taught to be good, even though they often do not need to be taught to be bad. Parents these days seem not to 'waste' time teaching their children about manners, that no one should deserve or get everything they desire, that they need to be kind, think of others, not be cheeky and so on. Oooooh I could go on and on but am sick to death seeing the resultant awful children because of parents lack of parenting. I will stop now as I am so cross.

One of the more difficult things in life is accepting that other people, especially our children, use money differently from what we did.

I too would be concerned if my GC were given everything they wanted, but if their parents are able to afford it, or willing to make sacrifices to give them things, then really they are only doing what we did too, just with some different things.

I remember when I was about 9 hearing a great-aunt express the thought that we were spoiled with a playroom full of dolls and shop-bought dolls' clothes. She had only had one doll and the clothes she made for her herself!

The one thing you can and are giving your grandchildren is time. I'm sure if you bake, sew, or go for walks with them, whatever suits you and them, they will look back on this later in life with joy.

Depending on your relationship with your DD, you may feel you can drop a hint as to whether or how children who are given everything learn the value of money, but it is probably better not to do so. If you are asked for advice that is a different matter altogether.

Right now it is important for them to have the same as their school friends. Probably, in a year or two your DD will introduce the concept of them saving up for things, or earning pocket money. Actually now would be a good time to start for the 12 year old IMO, but again unless you are asked for your opinion, it is probably wisest not to give it.

PS I disagree with all those who say it is nothing to do with you. When a couple have a child it is their son/daughter, but also becomes a niece/nephew, grandchild, cousin etc and the whole family should be involved in bringing up the child to be loved and taught. The village to raise a child concept. I can think of nothing worse than a child ending up hated or in prison and other family members sadly thinking, I saw this coming but held my tongue. And yes, I am guilty too. Have tried to intervene but son did not like it although he apologised profusely after and I hope some of what I said sunk in.

On the subject of phone contracts.
For 2 years I 've had a £15 a month contract on my samsung galaxy g5 and this has suited me well. I planned to keep the phone and opt for a £10 SIM only deal.
So why is it that in the last month my phone has started to throw tantrums? Cutting out as if there's no battery charge but, switching back on, it's sitting at 40%+. Touch screen suddenly failing and becoming temporarily unresponsive to tapping?
Am I being cynical to suspect built-in obsolescence?
Is it worth having the phone refurbished and carrying on with it?
The alternative is a more expensive contract with far more data, texts, minutes than I need.

Let's hope these £500 phones are not stolen or lost - how many times would they be replaced before 'enough is enough'? Some schools are now, finally, introducing a ban on their use during school time - I am gobsmacked that they are allowed in the classroom given the distraction they are and the increase in on-line bullying. I do understand children needing to feel part of the crowd and not wanting your child to be the only one with an 'inferior' phone but imo they do not need to be 'top of the range' at such a young age. Children do need to be taught the value of things and, imo, by a certain age, have to 'earn' and save towards such an extravagant item.
What worries me almost as much is the overall message on GN that we, parents, should keep stumm and not utter a syllable of surprise/comment on what our children are doing with their grandchildren. In my experience, children seek the approval of their parents throughout life and would want to please them most of the time; thus if we show our 'disapproval' as coming from a caring place and in a sensitive way, I think we should be able to do so otherwise we are denying our true feelings - not healthy. What does it say about our relationship with our children if we are so afraid they are going to fly off the handle and never speak to us again, if we express an opinion. In the main part, given how much of our time is given over to looking after their children so they can have the best of both worlds, it should be the other way round that they don't want to offend us!! Am I alone in thinking this way?? My DH manages to convey his sentiments without any tone of criticism so I generally leave it to him to voice his views when they coincide with mine - it seems easier, in my experience, for sons and daughters to take 'advice' from their fathers!

oops, 'our' grandchildren

First of all, she's your daughter - why do people think they have to walk on eggshells with their daughters and sons? If you have a genuine concern you should raise it but in a gentle way so you give her a way out. Secondly, I can't belief the leniency I read in these responses regarding mobile phones. For an 8 year old to have a mobile phone is a negation of the duty of parenthood - there is so much research that demonstrates without a shadow of a doubt the damage that mobile phones can do to a growing brain - so do we sit back and mutter amongst ourselves about this?? If we were talking about allowing an 8 year old to drink alcohol or smoke we'd be wading in immediately - the damage from mobile phones is both physical and psychological - get a grip grannies and help to get your GCs out of this pit - sure your daughter earns her own money and is entitled to spend it as she sees fit but at what point do we as intelligent human beings become sufficiently comatosed that we are frightened of giving our advice?!

Excellent posts, Lolee, I agree with everything you have said.

Lancslass1, there’s a list of acronyms and meanings here:
www.gransnet.com/info/$canonical_url
HTH (Hope that helps)!

I really do think a lot of you are living in the past.What your daughters choose to buy THEIR children or how they bring them up is no ones business but their own.No wonder so many have issues with D and DIL .I know I wouldn't have stood for any interference from my mother over my children and I can guarantee my daughter would have plenty to say about me sticking my oar in.As to always having fashionable clothes and shoes ...what on earths wrong with that? My late mother was born in the arly 1920's and she was always in fashion all her life and made sure we were too .

I don't know why an 9 year old would need to contact their parents by a mobile phone as they should still be at an age where they are under adult supervision at all times. I wouldn't buy a child a mobile phone until they could afford to pay the bills themselves. Too many children have too much at too early an age and should be taught to stand up to others who laugh at them because they don't have the 'correct' brands. A much better life lesson to learn than giving in to them.

It's not the expensive iPhones, trendy shoes, designer jeans etc. that are the problem.

Children need to 'earn' privileges by doing extra chores and participating in activities that teach them the value of effort and empathy towards those who are less fortunate.

By working for the nice things they have they learn to appreciate them. A home allowance based on their contributions also teaches them the value of hard earned money.

Nothing wrong with giving them lovely iPhones however, if your GDs haven't somehow 'earned' them, they may very well be on their way towards developing a false sense of entitlement.