Gransnet forums


drive slower daughter please

(73 Posts)
annep Wed 25-Jul-18 17:21:17

My daughter is a good driver but I am nervous when people drive fast. If the speed limit is 60 mph to me it means that's the naximum and I will happily drive at fifty. Today I sat clutching the door panel, l was so nervous. I asked her to slow down a bit and she said No! it would be dangerous. My sons won't drive at a comfortable speed for me either I'm not asking them to crawl just to slow down enough, to make me comfortable . When I drive someone I drive in a way that makes them feel relaxed. I am now in the bedroom with a glass of wine to destress. What is wrong with pleasing your (quite old, uncomfortable with speed mother.?) I think we wont be out in the car again as she said I made her nervous. She said her husband makes her nervous too by clutching the door panel and she hates driving with him as a passenger. I would never say no if someone asked me to slow down. I would be sorry they felt that way. AIBU. views please and/or advice welcome.

SueDonim Wed 25-Jul-18 17:26:44

It depends on where you/she were driving. On a busy main trunk road, travelling at 50mph you may be holding up other traffic. On a narrow country lane, 50mph might be much too fast.

annep Wed 25-Jul-18 17:32:39

Mostly country roads with lots of bends and a route that was unfamiliar. and not busy.

annep Wed 25-Jul-18 17:34:06

But other vehicles present and need to be taken account of.

phoenix Wed 25-Jul-18 17:37:09

If you clutch the door panel, and so does her husband, do you think there might just be a bit of a hint there?

As I said to my boys, easiest way to avoid an accident is to keep your speed DOWN and the distance between you and the car in front UP.

The driver may feel that they are completely safe driving at speed, but they don't know what the driver in front might do, such as slam on the brakes when seeing an animal etc.

Just common sense, really.

MamaCaz Wed 25-Jul-18 17:42:26

I'm afraid that mums trying to tell adult daughters what to do / not to do will never go down well, however justified or well-intentioned.
My own mum has recently had a go at me several times about going out for walks on my own in the countryside where I live. She doesn't think I should do it because it makes her nervous - she is worried that I might have a fall, break a leg and not be able to get help. I am only in my fifties, but I imagine that my refusal to stop on the grounds that it makes her nervous would be just the same if I were twenty years older!

Joelsnan Wed 25-Jul-18 17:46:33

I am not a slow driver by any means but my daughter and one of my nieces drive like maniacs behind the wheel all foot to the floor and brakes. I always have white knuckle rides when being chauffered by them. Strangely my 20 year old grandson is a fabulous driver. I would go anywhere with him!

Bellanonna Wed 25-Jul-18 17:57:00

annep I could have written your post.

FlexibleFriend Wed 25-Jul-18 18:14:46

I can't comment as I drive fast myself but I don't think passengers should comment on the drivers ability or speed if you don't approve of how the driver drives the car then don't accept lifts. Drivers drive in a way they feel comfortable.

annep Wed 25-Jul-18 18:16:42

Yes Phoenix thats what I think. I do get the point about telling children what to do , I wouldn't normally dream of it- . Just when it affected me. I thought it odd she didn't pick up on the fact that her husband does it too. I think I will limit drives for my own sanity. Aren't family relationships wonderful fun. Glad to have gransnet. ?

Izabella Wed 25-Jul-18 18:34:10

...... and I also think our perception of speed changes as we get older and our reactions slower. Perhaps this is having an impact on your interpretation of your daughters driving?

M0nica Wed 25-Jul-18 19:05:48

I had the opposite problem. When DD was getting her confidence back after her accident, she drove slowly. I can remember one journey on a country road sitting there quietly doing relaxing breathing exercises while she drove slowly, the queue growing behind us, I could see it in the wing mirror, and several people overtook in risky situations.

She is fine now and drives to the road. I think the problem is the difference between what speed a less confident driver does and one who is confident. It isn't necessarily too fast, just faster than you are comfortable with.

The fact that her husband clutches the door when she drives could well be just in-built fear of someone else, especially a woman driving. Thank goodness DH isn't bothered by my driving. He often falls a sleep when it is my turn at the wheel..

shysal Wed 25-Jul-18 19:14:03

This is my view on limits. I hate being a passenger at speed as the drivers often don't make allowances for idiots who may be on the road, of whom there seem to many these days.

Baggs Wed 25-Jul-18 19:16:00

MrBaggs often drives faster than I'm comfortable with as a passenger. I have full confidence in his driving skills. The problem is that, as a passenger, you don't anticipate car movements so you get sloshed about a bit. It's not comfortable.

Once he understood that I wasn't criticising the safety aspect of his driving he was more accommodating, though he does need reminding sometimes.

I drive differently if I have passengers, not more or less safely, just with more consciousness of my passengers' comfort, taking curves in the road more gently, for instance, and accelerating less fiercely (never that fierce! wink) than I might when I'm on my own.

annep Wed 25-Jul-18 19:27:24

Shysal my view exactly- speed limit is not a target. thank you! And Baggs again my view - making passengers feel comfortable is important. Why would anyone not want to?

blossom14 Wed 25-Jul-18 19:32:32

My MIL who was not my greatest admirer always used to say she liked being a passenger with me as 'You could tell where I was going'. She was not a driver herself.

Jalima1108 Wed 25-Jul-18 20:30:54

I tend to be a door clutcher and an imaginary brake presser too annep ever since we had an accident on the motorway.

However, I do drive at the speed limit myself if conditions are safe enough - DH says it is the drivers who are too slow who are the cause of many accidents because other drivers get impatient when a queue builds up behind the slow driver and try to overtake when it is not necessarily safe enough.

Keep your distance and be alert is a good maxim.

Jalima1108 Wed 25-Jul-18 20:32:34

ever since we had an accident on the motorway.
I should add that it was no-one's fault and DH's superb driving saved us all.

annep Wed 25-Jul-18 21:02:40

Yes Jalima I agree at times slow is bad. I do get that. And if I'm slower than others I would pull in and let traffic pass. Or keep my speed up when it's appropriate. Keeping your distance is important. Many people don't. Perhaps being involved in accidents makes people more nervous too.
But I suppose the point I'm making really is even if one is a good driver please consider the passenger's needs when possible and keep life pleasant.

phoenix Wed 25-Jul-18 21:20:15

I think I may have posted this before, I have seen a couple of bumper stickers, one that says "the closer you get, the slower I go"

The other included a big lipstick image with the words "If I wanted you up my arse, I would have kissed you first!" shockwink

annep Wed 25-Jul-18 22:07:52

Phoenix brilliant. ?

phoenix Wed 25-Jul-18 22:11:02


Chewbacca Wed 25-Jul-18 22:28:55

I want one of those stickers Phoenix! grin

jusnoneed Wed 25-Jul-18 22:35:01

My Bil, who drove for a living for many years, always says you should drive at the speed of traffic around you. Someone going along at slower speeds is a hazard and other road users may take risky chances to overtake the slow vehicle.

Jalima1108 Wed 25-Jul-18 23:23:03

As DH says, phoenix "He/she's up my duck run"

I hope that's not rude, I have no idea what it means except for tailgating.