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drive slower daughter please

(74 Posts)
annep Wed 25-Jul-18 17:21:17

My daughter is a good driver but I am nervous when people drive fast. If the speed limit is 60 mph to me it means that's the naximum and I will happily drive at fifty. Today I sat clutching the door panel, l was so nervous. I asked her to slow down a bit and she said No! it would be dangerous. My sons won't drive at a comfortable speed for me either I'm not asking them to crawl just to slow down enough, to make me comfortable . When I drive someone I drive in a way that makes them feel relaxed. I am now in the bedroom with a glass of wine to destress. What is wrong with pleasing your (quite old, uncomfortable with speed mother.?) I think we wont be out in the car again as she said I made her nervous. She said her husband makes her nervous too by clutching the door panel and she hates driving with him as a passenger. I would never say no if someone asked me to slow down. I would be sorry they felt that way. AIBU. views please and/or advice welcome.

Lilyflower Fri 27-Jul-18 10:16:24

I used to smile when my boss described how his wife made him drive in the inside lane on motorways at no more than fifty miles an hour and then she banned motorway driving altogether. She had never learned to drive herself so had no feeling for road traffic conditions.

Now I am past sixty myself I feel much more comfortable going at a slower speed in the car so I wonder if it an age thing.

quizqueen Fri 27-Jul-18 10:20:15

I would say to your daughter (and sons) that you no longer want to accept lifts from them as you consider that they drive too fast for your liking and apparently your daughter's husband seems to think she drives too fast too. What wrong with the truth! Your first sentence states your daughter is a good drive but that cannot be so if she makes her passengers uncomfortable. Drive yourself or get a taxi.

mabon1 Fri 27-Jul-18 11:25:31

Dont accept lifts (and dont pass remarks if you do) So sad you feel the need to turn to alcohol to relax though, but sadly it is a sign of the times. Not a total abstainer myself but never feel the need for a drink to settle down.

Bellanonna Fri 27-Jul-18 11:33:03

I don’t think she was “turning” to alcohol mabon1. It was a glass, not a bottle.

Brunette10 Fri 27-Jul-18 11:49:43

Oh dear mabonel, think this remark rather uncalled for. It was a glass of wine and probably she enjoyed it after her stressful journey. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's a glass NOT a bottle!

knickas63 Fri 27-Jul-18 12:41:03

Sometimes going to slow can be as dangerous as going to fast. Common sense all round is all that's needed.

lindiann Fri 27-Jul-18 12:52:11

I was pulled over for driving too slow on a very foggy day, now the same stretch of road has been reduced to 40 hmm

Bluegal Fri 27-Jul-18 14:20:47

I feel people need to stick to the speed limit or reduce it in bad conditions. I don’t get this argument “they speed but are safe drivers”. Doesn’t matter HOW safe or comfortable a driver MAY feel in themselves, they can’t account for other drivers doing silly things.

Good drivers will judge conditions and take account of their passengers requests! Better late in this life than early in the next!

Legs55 Fri 27-Jul-18 14:31:14

My DD drives quite fast & IMHO gets too close to the vehicle in front, but I would never commentsmile

I drive quite fast when I'm on my own but I do drive to road/weather conditions. I do a long Motorway drive 2 or 3 times a year & I will admit to exceeding the speed limit if that is the speed of surrounding traffic, otherwise I try never to exceed the speed limit.

Your perception as a passenger are different from when you're driving. Yes you do feel you're being "tossed around" & also find it difficult to judge the actual speed.

petra Fri 27-Jul-18 15:10:01

The only time I've asked OH to slow down was when he got to 130 on the German autobahn.
Don't worry ladies. This is someone who's still racing at Santa Pod grin

annep Fri 27-Jul-18 16:29:09

*Lilyflower it is partly an age thing. I know it is. Still, as someone else said, her husband is nervous too. I think you can slow a little to accommodate someone without driving dangerously slow. I wasn't asking for that.
mabon1 you did make me laugh. I rarely have more than a glass. Yes, it's a sign of the times. Years ago I could have finished the bottle!😊

annep Fri 27-Jul-18 16:32:33

I've just reread my post. I wasn't hiding in the bedroom with my wine. I was actually very tired as I have M.E. and we had just been out with the grandchildren which was enjoyable but tiring.

Jalima1108 Fri 27-Jul-18 18:46:53

I think most of us realise you weren't hiding away with a bottle of wine annep grin

Just going to pour myself a glass now, been feeling grotty all day.

Kim19 Fri 27-Jul-18 22:15:03

I always remember my driving instructor saying to me 'you should always be the best driver you know. If not, why not, then improve'. I'm afraid if anyone asked me to temper my driving to their (perhaps unreasonable) whims then I wouldn't be giving them a lift ever again. There's enough to concentrate on and contend with in traffic without the added consideration of a nervous passenger. I always told my children that if they were unhappy with any driver they should ask them to stop and let them out. I discovered how impractible this was when I was in a precarious situation myself and getting out on a motorway would have put me in much more jeopardy than sitting tight. I resorted to slumping down and closing my eyes feigning sleep. I probably was doing a bit of praying too! Never availed myself of that driver's services again but I remember the occasion clearly. Wowwee!

Claudiaclaws Fri 27-Jul-18 23:15:46

Stella1949 Why on earth did you laugh when your daughter
asked you to speed up when her throat was closing over?
What speed were you doing?

Bellanonna Fri 27-Jul-18 23:17:38


annep Fri 27-Jul-18 23:56:58

sarahellenwhitney. agree. difficult when visiting by plane though.
Thanks everyone for your input, good to hear other views.. apologies to those who didnt get individual replies. Hope you enjoyed your nightcap Jalima.

maddy629 Sat 28-Jul-18 08:18:37

In New Zealand there is a message on all speed limit signs that states 50 (or whatever the limit is) is the limit not a target, need I say more?

annep Sat 28-Jul-18 08:34:44

Maddy need not say more.😊

blue60 Sat 28-Jul-18 08:36:28

My sil drives fast around country lanes which makes me feel uncomfortable...I don't take lifts from her anymore!

confusedbeetle Wed 08-Aug-18 14:49:33

With a bit of luck, she will break a speed limit and be sent on a speed awareness course. They are very good, enjoyable and thought-provoking.

annep Wed 08-Aug-18 19:44:52

Oh dear, I hope not!

Glitterknitbaby Wed 08-Aug-18 22:17:11

My son is a professional driver, HGV 1 and 2 I feel so safe with him, he drove me up from Devon last week end,even in the dark I felt safe and comfortable, felt I could go to sleep and not worry, he drives at speed in all the right places.I’m not a driver myself.